Beware of The Repeaters!!!

The way some people approach online dating thing absolutely boggles my mind. Yes, I'm back in the saddle again. I figure it's time - I want to find someone to share my life with, and I'm just not meeting anyone out there, you know?

So I reactivated my account, did a little search, and let me tell you...slim pickings. Oye. I haven't been that active, but as a woman in the online dating world, you don't really have to do much work. Post your profile and a pic, and the emails and winks will come. You won't necessarily always like what you see, but weed through it all and you never know. Hey, it worked for me last time, right?

But what amazes me is how many repeaters I've been getting. I mean, if I didn't want to talk to you or go out with you before, what makes you think I would this time around??? I wonder if they know they're repeats. I mean, if I remember their picture, wouldn't they...?

Unfortunately, some of them do remember. For example, I once went on a date with a guy I met online, and it was by far one of the worst dates ever. This guy had to have been one of the most narcissistic, self-absorbed men I've ever met in my life. I have no proof of this, but he just seemed like one of those guys who was always checking himself out in the mirror and blowing himself little kisses. I realize it all must have been a mechanism to mask deep insecurity, but that's an issue for his therapist to resolve.

The dinner started off pleasant enough, but as it progressed, he dominated the conversation with talk of himself, his Mercedes, his apartments, his businesses and how they were nothing until he came on board, etc. It was excruciating. He did pause on occasion, but only to ask, "That's impressive, right?" or, "That's a lot of money, right?". And he asked those questions more than once!

Needless to say, as we were saying good bye and he asked for a second date, I gave him my famous, "I'm sorry, you're very nice but I don't think there's any chemistry here" speech. He didn't take it very well once he got over his shock and as I sped away in my cab. He blew up my phone with texts telling me that I really know how to make a guy feel good about himself and stuff like that. I tried ignoring them, but he just kept texting, so I finally told him I was very sorry he felt that way, and while I did enjoy talking to him, I would rather be honest than waste his time. Of course the jackass had to have the last word so he replied and said, "You're right, there wasn't any chemistry, I felt it." Whatever, dude.

So imagine my surprise when here we are over two years later, and I suddenly get an email via the dating site that says in the subject, "How is Zoe?" and in the body of the message, one of those "long time no speak, let's go out sometime" emails. I clicked on the profile to see who in the world it was and how he knew my beloved dog, Zoe, and OH MY GOD. It was him...The Narcissist. I couldn't believe it. What in the world made him think I would want to speak with him, let alone go out with him again??? Talk about delusional! I didn't even bother replying, just deleted the message, and hoped he would get the message.

Apparently not. A week later, I got a follow up email, asking me, "Why the ignore???"

DELETED and BLOCKED!

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The Therapy Session

I had an interesting date tonight...to say the least. It was...um...entertaining. Hehe

It was my first totally blind date, luckily, he was a good looking guy! A little older, 44, but he was in great shape, had all his hair, he was funny and seemed nice. We spoke on the phone for a bit last night, and had a really good conversation. We got to know each other a little, laughed, made a date for tonight...I was looking forward to it and was excited!

Our reservations were for 8:30 at one of my favorite sushi spots, Kanoyama. If you can get there, GO. The sushi is amazing!!! He showed up almost 20 minutes late, and didn't text me to let me know he was running late until I had text him to let him know I had arrived and was sitting at the bar. Not an ideal start, but whatever.

Since it was a restaurant I was familiar with, he asked that I do the ordering, which I was fine with, but then he proceeded to give me a laundry list of his likes and dislikes. I didn't know how to keep up with it, he just rattled it all off! I was like, well it sounds like you know what you want, so why am I doing the ordering...? We were talking, so I really didn't get to look at the day's menu, but we ordered an app as soon as we sat down, and continued our conversation, menu forgotten. When our app came, he told the waitress to hold on, we'd like to order, and started to eat the appetizer while I had to quickly figure out what to order! I don't know...maybe I'm old fashioned, but I believe it's nice to wait until everyone is ready before you begin eating, don't you? Sigh.

He was a nice man, he really was. And very funny. I guess there was just no cha-cha. He talked about his last girlfriend...a lot. He told me how long they dated, how tough the break up was (and they only broke up a month ago, btw), how he loved her but she just wasn't the ONE, why they broke up, etc. He would say she was a wonderful girl and had nothing bad to say about her, and in the next breath say that he's glad they're not together anymore because she's crazy. He told me about his post-divorce transition relationship, how he's looking for love...yes, I was starting to feel like a therapist.

I didn't do much of the talking, now that I look back at the evening. He didn't ask many questions. Maybe he was nervous...? I asked him at one point if he had any pets, and the answer was no, that he's divorced and sharing custody, so he's getting to the point where he wants to be free to do what he wants, but he does think that cats are easier, but that having a dog is like having a down's syndrome baby. People, I was SHOCKED. I didn't know what to say! Who says stuff like that???!!! Even if I wasn't a huge animal lover, isn't that just...offensive????

It was just an odd evening. I did laugh a lot though. I wondered if he had ADHD or something. There were a few times throughout the evening when we were talking about one thing, and just as I was about to start saying something, he would interrupt and make some off-hand comment (almost to himself) about something we had spoken about far earlier in the evening. And each time I said in my head, "am I here???" It was like he wasn't...present.

Like I said, there were some moments that were just weird. Ah well...another funny story to share with you all! ;)

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Pardon Me, Have We Gone Out?

About a year ago, girl meets boy, friend gives boy the girl's phone number, boy calls girl and asks her out. We went on what I thought was a really good date - we went for a nice dinner, walked around exploring the neighborhood and talking, stopped for dessert, walked around some more to talk and get to know each other, he gave me a big hug at the end of the night, said he'd call me the next day...and I never heard from him again.

Recently, I bumped into him. And he didn't recognize me. I was shocked. We talked, he did the whole, "it's been a long time..." -thing, and we made small talk, but I swear, by the end of the conversation, I still wasn't sure if he figured out who I was. Am I that forgettable???!!!

It's not like we met on a stupid drunken night and had a quick encounter or a one-night stand. We went on a six hour date!!! I'm trying to not take it personally, but this is definitely a hit to the ego.

Oh well...you can't win them all!

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For Love or Money

I passed a couple on the street today - a lithe, hip, gorgeous 20-something Asian girl on the arm of a 60+ Caucasian gentleman. And he definitely was not her grandpa. I don't get it.

Actually, who am I to judge, right? But seriously, how does that work? You see that walking down the street and it just screams SUGAR DADDY. But for all I know, they have major intellectual/cerebral chemistry. It's possible...right?

I mean, there's someone out there for everyone, so maybe he's her someone and vice versa. There's no explaining chemistry. But then I started to wonder, could I be in a relationship like that? Not likely. Alternatively, could I be in a relationship where I was the breadwinner (again)?

Based on past experience, my knee-jerk reaction is a big, resounding NO. I have no problem being with someone who makes less than me, but significantly less? My experience is that it emasculated my partner, and he started to treat me not so nicely. It sucked. You think that sharing is helping, but it just made the whole situation worse and worse and worse, until it simply broke.

And in hindsight, I get it. It was a whole male ego thing - he felt that being supported by his girlfriend made him less of a man. But what was the alternative? I wanted to stand by my man, and I couldn't stand by and watch him in pain.

Or maybe I should have. I gave and gave, until I had nothing left to give. Emotionally, that is. I spent so much time looking after him and taking care of him and making sure his feelings would be okay, that one day I woke up and realized, who's looking after my needs? Who's making sure I'm okay? I certainly wasn't, and had forgotten that I even had wants and needs that weren't his. It sucked, and it hurt, but I realized I had to focus on myself and get myself out of the hole if I wanted a semblance of a happy life. It felt so selfish, but like I said, even I wasn't looking out for me.

So on the flip side, would I date a sugar daddy? No, even if I could not be an equal contributor, then at least I would need to be a contributor. But I do want babies, and I would love to be able to stay home with them for at least the first few years of their lives. And that's impossible if your partner's income can't support it. Children are expensive. New York is expensive. How do people do it in this city? Yes, you make sacrifices, save up, and budget. Everyone doesn't live a Sex & the City lifestyle, I get it. Money is useless without love. But love without money is...stressful. I've seen my parents go through it...not fun.

Sigh...is it possible to have it all???

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The Battle Between the Sexes Continues

I came across an article today that sheds yet another ray of light on what makes men, well, men. Seems being around a gorgeous woman could be harmful to a man's health!!!

I'd be curious to read the actual statistics behind this study, but according to the University of Valencia, being around a beautiful woman can cause a man to release the stress hormone, cortisol. According to the article, cortisol can be a factor in heart disease, diabetes, erectile dysfunction (oh so that's why it happens sometimes!!!), depression and high blood pressure. So they weren't kidding when they said looks can kill, huh?

Does a beautiful woman make you nervous, gentlemen? Insecure? Hyper-sensitive? Anxious...?

This reminds me of a scene in one of my favorite movies, Beautiful Girls, where Michael Rapaport's character goes on a diatribe about supermodels and beautiful women:

"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high, full of the single greatest commodity known to man, promise. The promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular ore can be found the gate of a beautiful girl. In her smile, and in her soul...in the way she makes every rotten little thing in life seem like it's gonna be okay."

He goes on to call beautiful girls "hope dancing in stiletto heels, and all-powerful, which is as good as love."

Really??? Is that how men view us? It all seemed so...promising until that last line!

Gentlemen...we are not objects. We are feeling, thinking, vulnerable souls who love and want to be loved. The vulnerable girl inside of me wants to be taken and protected, but I don't want to be on a pedestal like that. I know now that there is no living up to that fantasy. Just...take me and love me. It's as simple as that.

Hmm...it may be time to get back in the dating game again, see if we can find the right dancing partner to glide with me across this dance floor we call earth...

But back to the article, what does a beautiful woman make you feel?

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Little Bo-Peep

Back in December, J met a nice guy at a Christmas party who went to her high school, and they really seemed to hit it off with. Great way to end the year, right? But after several conversations and texts back and forth, she was asked out and subsequently stood up twice by the dude. That's so rude, who does that???

A few weeks later, as she was sharing her frustration about the guy with some old school chums, someone asked, "Wasn't he the one who was rumored to have done it with a sheep when we were in high school???" And that's when the light bulb turned on. There was a guy in high school who everyone said had stuck his you-know-what in a sheep, and considering how rare a rumor like that is, it MUST HAVE BEEN HIM. Once again, who does that????

She shouldn't feel slighted about being stood up by a guy like that, because she's absolutely amazing, and realistically, he did her a favor! Would you really want to be known as the girl who went out with the guy who shagged a sheep? And honestly, would you even touch that thing with a 10-foot pole, in case the rumor is true??? If it is true, maybe he flaked because he just doesn't know how to interact with real people!

But back to the poor sheep - I couldn't help but wonder, was it a sexual attachment to the sheep? Simple curiosity? Or was it a case of animal cruelty??? Maybe it's because I majored in psychology that I find this whole thing fascinating, or maybe because it's just so fucked up.

What drives a desire or a compulsion like that???

So I did some research...The most fascinating part is that people who engage in bestiality (otherwise known as zoophilia) or who have thoughts of bestiality are normal people just like you and me. After some quick research on Wikipedia, it seems that people who engage in bestiality do so because they simply don't want to deal with the hassle of sex with emotion and relationships (OMG, I was right!!!). And, this has been going on since the ancient Greeks were around. GROSS.

Coincidentally, last night during a bout of insomnia, I came across a documentary on Sundance On Demand called Zoo, about a man in Washington state who died as a result of a perforated colon after having sex with a horse. I couldn't bring myself to watch the movie...I figured at 2am, it was a bit heavy and morbid while trying to zone out, but I actually remember when this incident happened. I was working for a company based out of Seattle several years ago, and we were all gathered for a national sales meeting when this hit the news. At the time, it was not illegal to have sex with animals in the state of Washington, which shocked the hell out of us New Yorkers. How can something like that not be illegal??? It's still illegal to perform oral sex in the state of New Jersey! AND, this guy was an executive at Boeing, had a family and everything. Craziness. How do you think his kids feel knowing this is how their father died???

Unfortunately, the DSM-IV doesn't consider bestiality to be a diagnosed condition unless it affects a person's ability to function normally in daily life. Besides, how would you treat someone with this condition anyway? Would they attend sex rehab with Tiger??? I believe that your sexuality and who you're attracted to is genetic, so is bestiality the same because these people can't help being attracted to animals?

Oye...I had meant to tell you guys a funny story, but now I've made it all dark and twisted. I need a drink or some sleeping pills now, anything to obliterate this from my mind!!!

Back to Sheep Boy from high school, his story has inspired me to make an amateur attempt at a little rhyme for you all:

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them

Leave them alone, And they'll come home
Wagging their tails behind them

Unless, that is, Sheep Boy
Has managed to have his way about them!!!

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The Balance of The Sexes

There was an interesting article in the New York Times last week about how more and more men are marrying wealthier women. Apparently we're kicking ass - we're increasing the numbers who are more educated and earning more income these days. You go girls!!!

But the article also notes that our gains and career advancements have been affecting our dating lives. Does our success intimidate the men we meet? Can men handle the fact that we might be the primary breadwinner in the relationship, and that we're smart, self-sufficient and ambitious?

I know for me, that imbalance was extremely difficult for my ex to handle. I had fallen for a very talented but very poor, struggling photographer a lifetime ago. He worked, but it was sporadic and it was just never enough money. And toward the end of our relationship, I was supporting him. I was making sick money at the time, so I was happy to do it - we had talked about marriage, so I figured my money was his, right? Turned out I could handle it, but he couldn't. He began to resent the fact that I was paying the rent and his bills, started taking his anger over his lack of work and success out on me, and our relationship began to go downhill. It was an expensive lesson to learn, but I learned it well.

Conversely, my girlfriend, C, is a successful, incredibly intelligent woman with a Ph.D. in psychology. For years, she dated men she knew from school, and while her career took off, some of them floundered. And in her case, it affected both sides of the relationship. She had trouble dealing with the fact that vacations had to be few and far between and on the cheap because they couldn't afford it like she could. Or even the occasional expensive dinner out was a question mark. And as for the men in her life, they had trouble with the fact that her star was rising while they were struggling to finish their program or had trouble finding decent work afterward.

I guess it boils down to finding someone that you can grow with, one you can work toward goals with, and with whom you can share a life you both want and can contribute to, whether financially or otherwise. I don't doubt that couples where the woman is the breadwinner can make it work, but I think it takes an extremely secure man, and at the same time, a very open-minded woman, who is willing to take a back seat in other aspects of the relationship.

The thing is, successful women are taught to go for it and to always be the alpha, because that is how women achieve success in a dog-eat-dog world. So taking a back seat doesn't exactly come easily. But how do the women who left the corporate rat race to raise their families get where they are today? And do they miss it? Let's face it, some men (and some women) just want a traditional relationship where the woman stays home with the kids while the man brings home the bacon, and there's nothing wrong with that. Hell, I think about it too sometimes!

After my experience, I'm not sure I could have a relationship with someone who didn't have an equal or higher education level and who isn't as advanced in their career path as I am, or well on their way. Granted, money comes and goes, and in this economy, you're lucky to have a job. So it's not that black and white, I know.

I've seen my parents live with huge success, and I've also seen them struggle through lost businesses, unemployment, paying bills, etc and it wasn't pretty. Money may not make people happy, but having it sure as hell makes things less stressful in marriage and relationships. And we know that relationships are hard enough as it is without fighting over money!

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Never Say This On a Date With an Asian Girl - EVER!!!

My girlfriend L recently joined eHarmony since she wasn't having much luck with meeting men out and about or on the blind date route. I love L, she's a great woman, and we share funny date stories all the time, as her dating history is just as hilarious as mine. She's spoken to a few guys so far, but nothing special yet. I think I got really lucky, I told her, but you have to keep an open mind about it all. After what she just told me though, I wouldn't blame her for abandoning the whole online dating idea completely!

She had a phone call the other night with an accountant she had been having "guided communication" with. He seemed like a nice guy, if a little boring. L is like me - outgoing, loves a good laugh, good conversation, and is looking for an intelligent guy who can keep up. Oh, and I should mention that she's Asian too, in case my post title didn't already tell you that.

The conversation with the accountant wasn't exactly going smoothly. We all know some guys just don't like talking on the phone, but he really didn't bring anything to the conversation, and didn't ask her any questions about herself. To try to engage him, she asked about his hobbies and interests. His answer? Numbers.

***YAWN*** That would have been my cue to excuse myself from the call and get myself in the tub for a nice, long soak with some pretty bubbles. But L, god bless her soul, persevered.

After a few failed attempts at drawing Mr. Numbers out of his shell, she asked him if he typically dates Asians and why. His response was a yes...and the why...?

"When I was younger I watched the movie Karate Kid, and as soon as I saw how submissive and subservient the Japanese girl was, I knew I wanted an Asian girl."

Seriously, this shit can't be made up. On the one hand, at least he was honest. But on the other hand, what did he think she would say, "Oh goody, I've been waiting for a guy like you to come along my whole life!!! Can I sit quietly by your feet while you play with your numbers, darling???"

That is a dude who should just get himself a mail-order bride and call it a day!

L, I admire you being able to hold your tongue. I probably would have told him to shove his numbers up his ass and if he was really looking for subservient, then he should go out and buy himself a blow-up doll.

Keep on laughing and and keep on trying, girl!!!

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Do Not Try This At Work

I think my client has a crush on me. My married with 2 kids and 2 dogs -client. Maybe it's all in my head and he's just uber-friendly, but you tell me...

I went downtown to their offices today to present to his bosses, and he had mentioned last week that he wanted to take me out to lunch after, so I agreed. He seems like an really friendly guy, is pleasant to talk to...I'm trying to get more business, I know he's married, he knows I have a boyfriend, it's all good, business as usual. So I give my presentation, and we go down to a nearby place to grab some some food.

And like I said, he's an extremely gregarious guy, so while I didn't think twice when he started asking me about myself, where I went to school, where I grew up, then showing me pictures of his dogs, telling me about the jobs he had when he was in school, etc. But it was weird when he insisted on carrying my laptop for me, and showed me a picture of his "mid-life crisis" purchase - a motorcycle. And stupid me, I mention that I've never been on a motorcycle before, and he immediately offered to take me out on his bike this summer. Suuuuurrrrre, I say...do you take your wife out on it a lot too??? Apparently the bike is a sore point in his marriage. Double oye!

So I bring up my boyfriend, just to remind him that I'm not on the market. I figured even if I was off the mark, why not play it safe? I don't get too personal with my clients, but there are a few I have developed friendships with over time so to mention my boyfriend wouldn't be too out of the realm of possibility. Apparently, the hint didn't work...!

It was time for me to wrap things up and get out of dodge, so I make my excuses that it's time to get back to the office and hail myself a cab. As I'm about to climb in, he asks, "So do I have to wait to ask you out to lunch again, or can I call you?"

Awkward!!!

Seriously??? What makes him think that it's okay to ask out his vendor and that I want to mess around with a married man with kids????!!!

WTF???

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Mortified With a Capital 'M'

You know your new relationship is solid when you've got one of those gut-wrenching stomach aches, have been sitting on the toilet for 15 minutes, emitting loud, sound-effect farts...liquid poop is coming out of your butt with your man in the very next room because it's a studio apartment and there's no where else to go, and you're mortified because there isn't a chance in hell the TV is loud enough to help mask the sounds.

At least I got THAT out of the way, what embarrassing milestone can I cover next???

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***UPDATE*** Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

C just called (so he DOES know how to use the phone) to apologize. His ears must have been burning as I was writing the last post!

He explained that he was drunk (I already knew that). He was in the area, but didn't have my number in his phone anymore and had no clue as to what time it was (okay, whatever). It was stupid (I already knew that too and agreed with him), and it will never happen again. Damn skippy it won't!!!!

He tried making small talk, asking how I've been, how work is...I gave him simple, one-word answers.

I should give the boy major props for having the balls to call and apologize, and I magnanimously accepted his apology. He assured me once again that it would never happen again, asked if my boyfriend was there, to which I answered, "NO, because I wouldn't speaking to you for more than these 2 minutes if he was."

And that was that. Is there a full moon today or something???

I'm just shocked...

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Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

I was on the phone with my new guy, T, the other night. We were having the "How many kids do you want if you even want kids, and what kind of parent would you be?" conversation (initiated by him, not me!!!). And the answers were yes, two, and fair but strict were both our answers (yes, I want kids this week). Then out of no where, at 12:30 am, my apartment telecom buzzes.

Me: Hello?

Stranger: Chloe?

Me: Who is this?

Stranger: An old friend from the neighborhood.

Me: ...Who IS this???

Stranger: C

Me (thinking): Holy FUCK, T is still on the phone and has heard this whole exchange. What could he be thinking??? And what the hell is C doing here, I haven't spoken to him in well over a year!!!

I get back on the phone and T asked if he should let me go and do I want to call him back. I said yes, I'll call him back in a few minutes, that it was an old friend and that I haven't spoken to him in about 2 years or something along those lines, that he was probably drunk off his ass, so let me just deal with him and I'll call him right back.

The second I opened my door, "Do you know how to use the fucking phone?" and "What the hell are you doing here?" were the first words out out of my mouth. I couldn't help it. It's been so long, who the hell does he think he is, and just how drunk was he to think he could show up at my door?! And THANK GOD this didn't happen when T was here!!!

And then I realized my neighbors could hear all my shit, so I let him in as far as the kitchen to finish reaming him for showing up at my door unannounced. He smelled like booze, and had the audacity to ask, "You seem mad, should I go???"

Just to get rid of him, I said, "Well, I was on the phone with my boyfriend when you buzzed, so I don't know how I'm going to explain this when I call him back in a few minutes."

C: Oh...boyfriend? Then I should go.

Me: Yes you should.

C: Where is he tonight?

Me: Not that it's any of your business, but he just got back from visiting his Dad for Thanksgiving.

C: Oh. This is awkward.

Me (thinking): And you didn't think it would be when you walked into my building and randomly buzzed my door after more than a year of us ending things????

The whole exchange couldn't have taken more than 5 minutes, maybe 7, and as soon as I shut the door, I was speed-dialing T. I have to say he is a total gentleman and a genuine class-act, he didn't seem affected by the late night interruption at all, and simply picked up where we left off when we hung up. It's only been a few weeks, and we haven't had the exclusive talk or anything yet, so technically he has no right to be bothered, but still...! And yes, I called T my boyfriend, but I only did it to get rid of C. It's still too soon for that!

But back to C, how ballsy and drunk do you have to be??? And what exactly did he think was going to happen, that I would let him in, be thrilled to see him and just jump into bed with him?!

Yes, there is a reason he belongs in my past. Hopefully now he'll REALLY stay there!!!

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Modern Dating

Has dating changed much over the decades?

JO said an interesting thing to me the other day - he said that modern dating has made things harder for both sides. Men have to be everything and more, as do women. Very true, but is that really any different than it used to be?

Women always had to be Betty Crocker at home. Men always had to be...well, men. Now we're expected to be the modern versions of each.

It's obvious that gender roles have changed over the years. Women want to be more empowered, and men have learned to respect that (we hope). Women have a need to be self-sufficient and independent...and men need to figure out the dance of backing off but know when to be there as needed.

But how has that affected dating in today's day and age?

Do we want dinners paid for us? Do we want to chip in? Should there be a give and take?

Where is the How-To for all this? I know there are tons of dating books out there, but which to follow, if at all??? Is it all a case-by-case basis?

I suppose if you were really old fashioned, everything should be on the man's shoulders. He plans the date, picks her up, pays for drinks, pays for dinner, the movie, pay for bowling, etc. But in a city like New York, where everything is so expensive, is that fair?

In a time where women expect to be treated fairly, should we chip in at least a little?

I've said that I'm not a feminist. Honestly, I like being taken care of. I like being treated to a special night out. I like getting flowers, helped with the car door and my coat. But I also enjoy being able to chip in a little, to show my appreciation for a great night.

Hmm...I'm obviously all mixed up here...any thoughts people?

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Jump In With Both Feet, But Swim Slowly

I've been pretty gun-shy since my ex and I broke up earlier this year. Not so bad that I won't go out on dates or anything, but admittedly, I've been cautious.

We had instant, explosive chemistry. It was a blind date, so we both were surprised by how comfortable and attracted we were to each other so quickly. I thought he might be the one. Obviously it hasn't worked out that way, but everything happens for a reason, right?

And now, I'm not sure I trust instant fireworks. I'd almost rather have a good, slow burn that builds up with a strong foundation.

What's the hesitation? I'm nervous that I might get burned again. I'm afraid that I might fall and there won't be anyone there to catch me. That little, insecure girl inside this grown woman is worried that feelings might not be reciprocated. I hate to admit it, but while it is a tiny nodule of fear, it is there after all.

But, I truly believe good things come to those who wait. So, I'm going to trust my instincts going forward. I'll take the nerves and butterflies as a good sign that I'm going out of my comfort zone and breaking down my own walls. I'll take the time to really get to know a guy before hormones and sex takes over and leaves me in a daze.

There is no reward without some risk. I'm going to jump in with both feet, but swim oh so slowly...!

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Snoozefest

I know I haven't posted a funny bad date story in a while, and I must apologize for that. I just haven't been on any bad dates in a while! But then again, I haven't been on any really good dates in a while either. They've all been perfectly nice, yet perfectly bland.

How sad is it that I'm wishing for a really bad date right now so we can all laugh our asses off over it? I'm not even joking!

I should take that back, we really don't want to put that wish out there in the universe!

Well...it would be nice to go on a good date...a really good date. The guys I've been meeting on the dating site haven't all been freaks and creeps, thank god. But they've been...nice. I honestly have nothing more to say about them. I guess I need a male version of me. I want some excitement, or someone I can be excited about, how hard can that be?

I'm...not bubbly, but I am fairly gregarious and ebullient. I have light and I look for light. I want to go on a date and have lots of fun, laugh, giggle...feel some chemistry, you know?

I had a coffee date this afternoon, and while there weren't major fireworks, there were definitely sparks. He was really nice and funny. We sat there talking the afternoon away, and it was comfortable, easy. I enjoyed his company, and so far, it seems we have quite a few things in common!

So let's see how this goes...stay tuned!

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Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

Use what you have. We have all been given skills, talents and gifts to utilize in life. It can range from the ability to sing, to the ability to calculate complex algorithms, to the ability to sew a stitch. Some of us have the ability to charm and enamour. Yes, that's a skill too!

Some women will hate me for this, would call it sexploitation, and that I'm promoting gender roles. But I say smoke 'em if you got 'em. Why not?! I'm not saying sleep your way to the top, I'm saying we as women have the advantage of being able to flirt, charm, and titillate into getting little extras in life. How many times have you charmed your way out of a speeding ticket, into skipping the long line at the door of a hot club, getting a discount, or even used it to get an extra shot of tequila in that margarita from the cute bartender? I have, it's great being a girl in situations like that!

I'm sorry, but women and men aren't equal. Women have the power. We are the ones who can captivate, multi-task, we decide when our other half gets laid, most of us can articulate and process our emotions, and nothing makes a man happier than to make us happy. Why not be happy with that and just let it be?

It's a biological and chemical reaction - this interaction between men and women. Animals do it too. It's pheromones.

Use it, have fun with it, feel free to go out and play!

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Not a Snowball's Chance

It's amazing what some men will try to get away with. We all flirt, it's human nature. It keeps life fun and interesting. But where is the line?

I used to be a field rep in the auto industry, and was literally paid to be sexually harassed by my clients on a daily basis. These guys tried every angle, whether they were married or not. I was called hon, sweetie, sweetcakes, wiggler, you name it, I was called it. I even thought about getting myself a fake engagement ring, thinking that would make it all stop, but from speaking with other women in the field, nothing would stop those guys. I didn't get it and left the industry after a few years.

What in the world makes these guys keep trying when they clearly haven't got a snowball's chance in hell???

It's interesting, from a sociological perspective. If you want to get evolutionary about it all, men's purpose within the tribe was to hunt and procreate, and if you follow that logic, I guess they haven't evolved much over the centuries! It's all about conquering, competition...Veni, vidi, vici, as Julius Ceasar said.

And yet, if they haven't conquered, they try, try, and try again. I guess it's in their DNA!

I once had a brief interlude with a guy, only to find out that he had a live-in girlfriend, who was a flight attendant. Convenient, huh? I ended it right away, but was willing to be friends, as I truly did enjoy his friendship. Of course, he took that as a sign that he could keep trying to get into my pants, even though I made it clear to him that I was off-limits! It got to the point where his persistence was so disrespectful to his girlfriend, I stopped taking his calls and ignored texts and emails. Fast forward to 6 or 7 years later, and he still attempts to reach out a few times a year, wishing me happy holidays or whatever. Just a year ago, he sent me a friend invite on Facebook. It's actually starting to border on harassment at this point, but I digress. Not a snowball's chance in hell, yet he still tries.

That creepy cyber sex fiend I mentioned last week? He emailed me today, asking, "Are we not lovers anymore?"

Hello??? Are you kidding me with this shit???!!!

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Good Advice

I got a great comment today from Jacob about online dating. He accomplished what millions of us have been searching for - a happy, successful relationship resulting in marriage, AND they met online!

His advice to me was to:

• stick to a 10 year age limit - done
  
• get a picture - lesson learned...the hard way!
  
• get rid of dudes who take their time sealing the deal - done
  
• get rid of dudes who avoid basic questions - again, lesson learned the hard way!

Again, all great advice! I have one thing to add though:

• get rid of dudes who ask nothing about you or what you write about in your profile

If they show a lack of interest in you and what you are about now, what will his interest level be 6 months from now???

Thanks again Jacob!

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The Divorcee

I just got back from a sublime weekend in San Diego, where I was visiting a girlfriend who moved out there. It was absolutely amazing - her apartment faces the ocean, the weather was perfect, I rented a Mustang convertible...the view from her balcony was an endless parade of half-dressed surfer dudes. What more could a girl want?

And as if all that wasn't enough, she said the dating scene is a thousand times easier out there. No games, no bullshit, no Mommy issues...! The men there actually want to meet women and try to have real relationships, not just fuck around, period, the end.

Wait, those types of men actually exist?!

So I sat down on her balcony with a glass of Pinot, eager to hear about the men whilst enjoying the view. She's been on a lot of great dates so far, and one actually worked out for a few months except for one thing. He was one of those dreaded divorcees. He talked about his ex-wife...

All. The. Time.

Ugh.

Okay, so I missed ex-wife issues in the list above. But you'll encounter that no matter where you live, right?

I still think it might be worth investigating a possible move...!

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Is This For Real???

It's week 2 of online dating, and I am kind of at a loss for words! I have no idea what's normal and what's not when it comes to amount of winks and emails you get from men, but I guess I'm doing okay so far.

As I've mentioned, I'm in sales, so I can engage and carry a conversation with just about anyone. But it seems most of these guys write the same canned opening email, "Hi gorgeous, I really liked what you had to say in your profile. Check out mine and if you like what you see, write back!" Snooze...can't they at least reference something I wrote in my profile, or say something funny...? Let me know you noticed something besides my picture!!! If I do write back, I always make it a point to mention something they wrote about in their profile, how else are you going to connect with a person???

I've been emailing with a handful of guys at this point, and most of them seem pretty nice so far. It's interesting, some of these guys will email you for days, then disappear after the 3rd or 4th email. Others get clingy and email ALL the time...I can't make heads or tails of it. Others treat you like a pen pal, which is also kind of weird to me...but what do I know?

There was one guy who was actually funny, so we exchanged several emails and then graduated to IM'ing late last week. We had about 2 or 3 really amusing chats, but I noticed he would evade all questions about himself or give really vague answers. Hmm...red flag. But it was fun, flirty, and he was amusing, you know? Seemed pretty harmless, I figured maybe he just takes his time opening up.

But the next thing I know, after exchanging a round of recent pictures with one another, he starts hinting about "naughty pictures". Um...I beg your pardon??? I brushed it off, thinking he was joking, but then his talk starts getting racier, asking me if I want to be "properly touched", and offering to send me pics of some "good stuff". Basically, he turned into a Creepy McCreeperson, a cyber sex fiend, the kind of guy that gives online dating a bad name!!!

Needless to say, I blocked his ass. Seriously...I'm not too thrilled with the world of online dating so far!!!

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