Good Advice

I got a great comment today from Jacob about online dating. He accomplished what millions of us have been searching for - a happy, successful relationship resulting in marriage, AND they met online!

His advice to me was to:

• stick to a 10 year age limit - done
  
• get a picture - lesson learned...the hard way!
  
• get rid of dudes who take their time sealing the deal - done
  
• get rid of dudes who avoid basic questions - again, lesson learned the hard way!

Again, all great advice! I have one thing to add though:

• get rid of dudes who ask nothing about you or what you write about in your profile

If they show a lack of interest in you and what you are about now, what will his interest level be 6 months from now???

Thanks again Jacob!

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The Divorcee

I just got back from a sublime weekend in San Diego, where I was visiting a girlfriend who moved out there. It was absolutely amazing - her apartment faces the ocean, the weather was perfect, I rented a Mustang convertible...the view from her balcony was an endless parade of half-dressed surfer dudes. What more could a girl want?

And as if all that wasn't enough, she said the dating scene is a thousand times easier out there. No games, no bullshit, no Mommy issues...! The men there actually want to meet women and try to have real relationships, not just fuck around, period, the end.

Wait, those types of men actually exist?!

So I sat down on her balcony with a glass of Pinot, eager to hear about the men whilst enjoying the view. She's been on a lot of great dates so far, and one actually worked out for a few months except for one thing. He was one of those dreaded divorcees. He talked about his ex-wife...

All. The. Time.

Ugh.

Okay, so I missed ex-wife issues in the list above. But you'll encounter that no matter where you live, right?

I still think it might be worth investigating a possible move...!

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Is This For Real???

It's week 2 of online dating, and I am kind of at a loss for words! I have no idea what's normal and what's not when it comes to amount of winks and emails you get from men, but I guess I'm doing okay so far.

As I've mentioned, I'm in sales, so I can engage and carry a conversation with just about anyone. But it seems most of these guys write the same canned opening email, "Hi gorgeous, I really liked what you had to say in your profile. Check out mine and if you like what you see, write back!" Snooze...can't they at least reference something I wrote in my profile, or say something funny...? Let me know you noticed something besides my picture!!! If I do write back, I always make it a point to mention something they wrote about in their profile, how else are you going to connect with a person???

I've been emailing with a handful of guys at this point, and most of them seem pretty nice so far. It's interesting, some of these guys will email you for days, then disappear after the 3rd or 4th email. Others get clingy and email ALL the time...I can't make heads or tails of it. Others treat you like a pen pal, which is also kind of weird to me...but what do I know?

There was one guy who was actually funny, so we exchanged several emails and then graduated to IM'ing late last week. We had about 2 or 3 really amusing chats, but I noticed he would evade all questions about himself or give really vague answers. Hmm...red flag. But it was fun, flirty, and he was amusing, you know? Seemed pretty harmless, I figured maybe he just takes his time opening up.

But the next thing I know, after exchanging a round of recent pictures with one another, he starts hinting about "naughty pictures". Um...I beg your pardon??? I brushed it off, thinking he was joking, but then his talk starts getting racier, asking me if I want to be "properly touched", and offering to send me pics of some "good stuff". Basically, he turned into a Creepy McCreeperson, a cyber sex fiend, the kind of guy that gives online dating a bad name!!!

Needless to say, I blocked his ass. Seriously...I'm not too thrilled with the world of online dating so far!!!

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Adventures In Online Dating

Last week, I thought it would be interesting to try out online dating, just to try something different and to see what's out there...you know, trying to shake things up. I had briefly tried it over a year ago, but met my ex shortly thereafter and that was the end of that venture.

It's interesting...browsing men as if shopping from a catalog. You can be proactive and reach out to them, or you can be passive and just see what comes your way. I'm kind of chicken shit shy about this whole process, so I'm pretty much letting them email me or sending a "wink" if I REALLY think they're cute.

So it's been a little less than a week, and pretty interesting so far. I replied to one guy who didn't have a picture on his profile, but he seemed nice from his email, and I didn't want to be closed-minded about this whole thing, so I wrote back. His next email still didn't have a pic, so I flat out asked him for it, and well...while he wasn't fugly, I definitely see why he didn't post it. That was a rookie mistake, huh? And I honestly didn't know what to do about it. If I send him a "no thanks" email or just stop replying, he'd know that it was because of his looks, and then I would seem like a vain and shallow bitch, right??? But what is my alternative here, I wasn't even that interested to begin with. So while I took the night and next day to decide what to do, he wrote me again, "you there?". The next day, he wrote another email, and yesterday, he wrote yet again. Needless to say, I didn't feel too bad about sending him a canned "no thanks" email after that.

Then this morning, I was looking through my recent emails and I noticed a trend...a fairly large number of the men emailing me are in the 40+ range. At 34, do I fall into THAT category already??? Not that I have a problem with older men. I just don't remember this many in that range emailing me the last time around. And there have been practically no men in their 20's emailing me. Do men look at my age and think "no way, she probably wants babies ASAP!"

Am I being subjected to online dating age discrimination??? Do they not believe me when I put "Maybe" in the kids question???

I'm not sure how I feel about online dating. I like to meet a person face to face, feel them out, see if I get a spark or even a tingle. But it's only been a week, and there are so many people I know who have had successful relationships from online dating, so why not, right?

Anyone have some tips for me?

Oh and btw, none of the guys I've sent "winks" to have returned the gesture, how rude!!!!

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Just a Little Patience...

I've always been the type of girl who once I've made up my mind about something, I want it right now. No good things come to those who wait for me, I'll say it till I'm blue in the face, but can't get myself to follow it, that's for sure.

We live in a culture that has evolved its focus to instant gratification. Want a new car? Instant bank approval. Want a new couch? Just run out and buy one! Have a hankering for brownies? You can make a batch in the microwave in just a few short minutes, or better yet, in New York, just get them delivered, why bother making it and cleaning dishes afterward? Domino's used to advertise delivery in 30 minutes or your pizza is free. Want that new CD? You don't even have to go to the store anymore, you can download it in less than a minute!

One-click checkout, one-stop shopping, buy online and have it delivered next day, drive-thru, EZ Pass, search for a date online, instant messaging, instant noodles, instant results, no waiting. Digital photos, DV-R, Video on Demand. Demand, demand, demand, now, now, NOW.

What is the rush? Where are we running to so fast?

I'm just as guilty of it...I get an itch for something, I go out and get it. If I want something done, I want it done quickly.

But it might be time to slow down. My ex taught me an Israeli saying, "The shortest way is the longest way." It totally makes sense. There is always some compromise when we do things quickly, whether it's quality, value, or what have you. This weekend, I painted my apartment and sanded the walls down to have proper paint application. Could I have just slapped a coat on and have been done with it? Of course, but would there still be dings, dents and holes? Yes. (There still are, but I'm working on this whole patience thing, give me some time!)

Time is already flying by, why should I help it along? We're already at mid-October, where did 2009 go?

I know it's a little late for New Year's Resolutions, but I'm going to make one now - slow down and take notice. Appreciate everything around me, notice everything I see and hear. Take time to laugh, live and enjoy. It's bad enough to be part of the rat race these days, I can at least take time to have fun before even more time just slips away.

Who's with me?!

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The Other Side

I met up with some friends for a late supper tonight - all of them were bachelors in their mid-50's, and all looking for...well, something. The first bachelor is a well-to-do artist, and still going through his Peter Pan phase, just looking for fun and play. Another has been divorced for over a year, and looking for love. And the last...well, let's just say his work is his mistress.

It was interesting to see and hear things from their perspective. They had a lot of the same gripes we do about the opposite sex and go through a lot of the same issues with dating and meeting people.

So what's the disconnect here? If these great, single men can't find love, and all the great, single women I know can't find love, what's going on? Could it be as simple as missed connections and bad timing? Or is there such a difference between what we put out there as a singleton vs. as a boyfriend/girlfriend that we just don't see it?

There's got to be something I'm missing here. I know we're all busy and it's hard to make the time to get to know someone, but where is that tipping point when you decide to make time and give them priority?

Or maybe it is true that men are from mars and women are from venus? This is the one and only dating book I've ever read, and I admit, a lot of it makes sense! If this book is correct, we all need a translator when speaking to the opposite sex. And just to give you the bare bones of the book - nothing makes men happier than making a woman happy, and women just want to be listened to and acknowledged.

But...even with all this good advice, why does it seem so difficult?

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I'm Gonna Wash That Gray...

It has begun...I found a thin, silvery-gray hair this morning. Right up there on the top of my head. The strand was fairly normal, except for that inch of gray that had started to grow at the root. It was an absolutely devastating way to start my day. Tragic!!!

I've found white hairs before. Not often, I'll see one maybe once or twice a year. But when I do find them, I can convince myself it's due to stress. Not this. I'm 34 now, and this is just a sign of more to come!

Of course I plucked the fucker right out. But I spent the rest of my day obsessing, wondering how many more haven't I found yet, how many are growing right now..?

This is just another reminder that I'm getting OLD. I'm AGING. UGH. I don't want to reverse the signs of aging, but can't I just stay right here, at 34? I'll admit that I am fortunate. People often mistake me for the younger sister, and usually think I'm still in my 20's. But with the grays coming, how long will that last???

Yeah, I'm a little vain. I can't help it. Men become "distinguished" as they age. Women just age. How unfair is that?

I'll fight this with all I've got. If I find another, I'll start coloring my hair and have fun with it. It's the least I can do! I won't start shooting my forehead with Botox, but let's see how I feel when my eyelids start sagging down to my cheeks! Like I said, I'm fighting this! I can't accept that it's all downhill from here.

Watch out grays and wrinkles, this is WAR!!!!!!

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The Great Baby Race

By the end of 2009, I will have 9 new babies in my life. My friends and family have been quite prolific in the last year. It seems everywhere I go, everywhere I look, people are procreating like rabbits. I hope to God it's not contagious.

You would think all this baby activity would make my clock start ticking, but no. Not even a slight hum. I honestly don't know if I have the gene that makes women want to create life. Don't get me wrong, I love babies! I'm thrilled for my friends, and get excited to see what they're experiencing and the life they're creating. I just don't know if I want to make one. I'll do all the horizontal practice it takes, but no babies, please!

Where does the urge come from? I have friends who think about it all the time, and can't wait to experience pregnancy. Im sorry, I don't know...I really don't get it at all. Give me another dog or cat to adopt, now that will get my heart melting!

Is something wrong with me? Am I selfish because I like my life, and my body, the way it is? I feel like if I decide I want children later on and I am no longer able, I can adopt. Problem solved, right?

Would I feel differently if I was in love?

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I Found It!!!

I thought I lost it. Really I did, and I was starting to get worried. I haven't been attracted to a man in about 2 months, and I was seriously beginning to wonder if I would ever feel it again. Now I mean really attracted, not the random passing, "Oh, he's kinda cute" thought. I mean desire. I really was starting to get worried. Did it get lost one night? Should I leave a light on, so it would find it's way back home, call out a search party? Was it gone forever???

But last night, it all came rushing back. Big time. I met a man, and he was HOT. Not just hot, I'm talking about...Holy Mother of God, absolutely unbelievable, never in my wildest dreams, drop-dead, fucking GORGEOUS. It hit me like a ton of bricks and literally caught me off guard (how could I see that coming if I thought my hot and bothered was on vacation, right?).

Last night, I had to take my wonderful adopted kitty to the photo studio. The little supermodel is going to be in next year's adoption group calendar! Now, the founder and I have known each other for 10 years, so she knows my history with photographers. Before we scheduled, she tells me he's already taken. Not to worry, I said, I've learned my lesson with them, twice, and I'm proud to say I'm done. Besides, all the people I've met through the adoption group have been a bit older, so I wasn't expecting anything other than a middle-aged man (sorry M!). Well...I was in for the shock of my life when I arrived downtown.

The studio door opened, and I found myself looking into the face of a man who could have been Gabriel Aubry's twin brother. I'm not even joking. I didn't know what to do. Again, it's been a few months since I've found myself being bowled over by a man and was really beginning to wonder if I would ever feel hot and bothered again (has that ever happened to any of you???). But last night, I was definitely hot AND bothered.

I know M said he was taken, so I hope I handled myself well. I hope he didn't see me checking out his butt. I hope he didn't see me blush. I was hoping he would become arrogant and turn me off, but he didn't. I wondered if the attraction was mutual. I hope I didn't act nervous or like a giggly school girl. I hope he couldn't tell I wanted to have his children immediately, which is amazing, because up until last night I had been completely ambivalent about the thought of bearing children! Sigh...

Alas, he is unavailable. Which has a sort of ironic poetry to it, doesn't it? Woman loses attraction to men, woman meets Gabriel Aubry look-alike, woman gets hot and bothered...man not interested and says "we" throughout photo session when talking about him and whoever. Life is cruel, my friends...so, so, so cruel.

Well, at least I've got my hot and bothered back!!!!

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