Fortune Cookie 1.19.2010

Fortune cookie of the day:

"Success is when you get what you want. Happiness is when you want what you get."

Here's wishing you both success and happiness!!!

Share |

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

"You can't have it all if you don't ask for it" - Mama Gena

Most of us are scared to ask for what we want. Why is that? Does it make us feel selfish? Impolite? Do we think it's going to jinx things?

What is so wrong with knowing what you want and asking for it, even if you're just asking yourself?

The thing is, you can't expect to get what you want in life if you don't express it, articulate it. How else will you and others know what you want? it's scary, I know, but try it. Start small, like with what you want for dinner. Then move on to what you want to do this weekend, what you want for your job, your life, etc. It will feel awkward, but do it anyway. How else will Santa, and the universe know what you want otherwise???

It scares me too, believe me. It is scary as hell to articulate my intentions and desires. But to kick it off for myself, here goes...

I want to keep writing and writing and writing, and I want to keep loving it.

I also want to make lots of money doing it!

I want honest, true love. Earth-shattering, passionate love, with a man I trust and respect, who thinks the world of me and vice versa. Who loves me as I am, who will be there for me, and will be my best friend.

I want the freedom to be whoever I want to be.

I want to keep challenging myself and growing every single day.

I want to have the courage to ask for what I want. Always.

There's more, but I think that's a good start, right?

What do you want?

Share |

Good Advice

I got a great comment today from Jacob about online dating. He accomplished what millions of us have been searching for - a happy, successful relationship resulting in marriage, AND they met online!

His advice to me was to:

• stick to a 10 year age limit - done
  
• get a picture - lesson learned...the hard way!
  
• get rid of dudes who take their time sealing the deal - done
  
• get rid of dudes who avoid basic questions - again, lesson learned the hard way!

Again, all great advice! I have one thing to add though:

• get rid of dudes who ask nothing about you or what you write about in your profile

If they show a lack of interest in you and what you are about now, what will his interest level be 6 months from now???

Thanks again Jacob!

Share |

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

When you're on a first date that is complete dullsville, or maybe it's not a total loss, but you know you don't have any interest in a second, how do you handle it? Do you say you'll call and then just don't? Or do you go the other route and say, "Call me", but then ignore all his follow up calls? Or, do you tell him the truth and say, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that into you"?

Is it mean, to be so honest? Okay, maybe the last example was too honest, but you get my what I'm saying here.

I have a speech...a first date "Let-Down" speech. It's pretty well-rehearsed by now, and has been fine-tuned over the last few years. It's gentle, kind, but very clear. I believe in respect, honesty, and not wasting anyone's time (mine or theirs). But I'm also not interested in wasting my energy avoiding phone calls or lying to people. It's just not my thing. I only deliver the "speech" as needed, and have learned to be careful with it. I've learned that honesty is a rare, and therefore, very powerful thing!

So it goes something like this: if I'm on a date and just not feeling any cha-cha, I'll stay for 1, maybe 2 drinks max, which should be about an hour or so. I figure that's long enough to be polite, and if he isn't terribly boring or a major asshole, not too much time has been lost. I'm in sales, so I can pretty much talk to anybody. Plus, I find people interesting, so sometimes it can be quite entertaining, and I can almost always find a reason to laugh!

After a fair amount of time has passed, I'll start winding it down, saying that I need to be getting home and that it's a busy week for me so I can't be out late (usually pretty true on a school night, I ALWAYS schedule first dates on school nights so there is an automatic exit strategy). As we walk out of the bar, restaurant, or wherever, if, and only if he starts to allude to a second date, like, "This was fun, we should do this again sometime..." Then I feel it's only fair to not play games and be honest with him, so I deliver my speech, and it goes something like this:

"I had very a nice time talking and getting to know you tonight, thank you so much. I definitely would want to hang out again as friends, but I just don't think there is any chemistry here, I'm sorry."

Is that too harsh? You'd be surprised at some of the reactions I've gotten.

One guy, let's call him Dragon Breath, practically ran into traffic to get away from me after the speech because he was so shocked. I have to admit, it wasn't exactly an Academy Award winning performance, but he had MAJOR dragon breath, and he was going in for a kiss, so I totally panicked and kind of just blurted it out. I couldn't help it, it was a knee-jerk reaction, really! It was either that, or let him kiss me and puke all over him, it was THAT BAD!!!

Next time I'm in a similar situation, I'll tell him I don't kiss on the first date, and THEN deliver the speech, would that be better?

Share |

Fortune Cookie 9.21.2009

Fortune Cookie of the day:
"Simplify"

I love it! It's only one word, but it speaks volumes. Simplify.

Fall is upon us, and it's time to clean out my closets - literally and figuratively. This is the time of year we start to clear the clutter and lighten the load. I love that feeling I get when I ruthlessly tear through my closet and the donation pile gets larger and larger. If I haven't worn it in a year, out it goes. Those books I have no intention of ever reading again? Do a book exchange with a friend, or put it in the donation pile. DVD's I never watch? Leave them in the basement for the neighbors to benefit from. All the stuff that accumulates in the junk drawer? Garbage! Old papers? Shred and recycle.

And that extends to life as well. Those "friends" I wrote about a few weeks ago who do nothing but pollute and spread their negativity? I'm sorry, but it's time to let go, or at least to put a lot of space between us. I wish you the best and will support you with as much positive energy as I can provide...from afar.

I want a fresh, clean slate for my next adventure. I'd like to make room for my spirit and heart to grow, a clear path for my mind to explore and play! If you're consumed with clutter, how else will you know what you desire in life?

Simplify!

Share |

Football Trumps Date

How's this for a twist: my girlfriend met a nice, funny guy at a bar the other night. He wasn't quite her type, but he had her belly-laughing all night, which is definitely a plus with her and peaked her interest. After all, there's nothing more appealing than having your funny bone tickled, right?

They were getting along great, and as she hoped, he asked her out. But before she could say yea or nay or even play coy, he decided to prequalify the date by stating, "But, I'm pretty swamped watching football games this weekend."

Umm...seriously?

I suppose it's nice to know his priorities up front, but come on dude, you're really going to put a hot woman on hold for football??? He then tells her that he's lost a few girlfriends due to football season, and if they had met at another time of the year, he would have more time.

Digging that hole a lot deeper, buddy...do you really think you've sold her on that date now?

Is that really how it works? Maybe he wasn't that into her, but he asked her out, not the other way around. I thought if you're into a person, you do what you need to do to nail down that first date, no?

And it's not just football season. I was once pursued by this guy for weeks, and due to our schedules, we were having a tough time getting it together. During one attempt to coordinate schedules, I had suggested brunch, and he actually told me that he's "not really a brunch person, what else do you have for me?"

Wow, really? Is that what you have for me???

Not very impressive, boys. You haven't even woo'ed enough to confirm the first date yet, but you're already putting us to the side and basically saying: you're not that important.

I guess guys have different priorities, but if I like a guy, while I won't completely rearrange my schedule, I would forgo certain things to plan a date. You won't see me saying no to a date because Project Runway or Dancing With the Stars is on!

And so another one bites the dust...but I think we can safely say she's actually ahead of the game on this one!

Share |

Friendship vs. Me-Me-Me-ship?

Fortune cookie of the day:

"The only rose without a thorn is friendship."

That's true...but what is one to do when you suddenly realize your friendship has grown thorns?

There are so many degrees of friendship. There are friends you speak to every day, several times a day. There are friends you can call after a 3-year absence and pick up like you just spoke yesterday. You have work friends, friends who become your extended family, friends you can always count on and friends you just meet for drinks or the occasional dinner.

But over the years, I've noticed there is a small percentage of friendships that are more or less one-sided. Like the friend who only calls when they need something from you. Or what about that friend you realize isn't capable of sharing you with other people? You know the one I'm talking about - the one who acts territorial, is inexplicably rude and constantly redirecting attention back to themselves when others are brought into the mix. Are those friendships, or simply a me-me-me-ship?

There's also the friend who constantly has something to complain about. Seriously, how can one person have THAT much to complain about? The one who gives you a stomach ache every time you hang out because they have so much drama and angst. They drain you and suck every iota of energy out of you. Actually, they're all draining, but this one is soooo draining because they're just so...negative.

At what point do we draw the line and say enough is enough?

Every relationship - whether friends, lovers, coworkers or family - has its ups and downs. It's natural. We're human, we're all self-absorbed to a degree and we all have flaws. Relationships take work. But they're also a two-way street. (Am I starting to sound like a therapist here?)

So how do you determine whether it's just a minor imperfections to overlook or truly a thorn?

Tell me people, has the rose lost its bloom?

Wow...all that from one little fortune cookie, huh?

Share |

The Gynecologist's Advice

This morning, I went to see my gynecologist for my annual checkup, and while I was there, I got way more than just a Pap smear and a grope.

The morning's adventure started like it normally does. I got to the doctor's office, checked in, sat down in the waiting room which was FILLED with pregnant women and their husbands. Seriously, I was the only non-preggers female in the room (and possibly one of the few in all of NYC). I filled out my paperwork, waited patiently for my turn to sit in the exam room, waiting in that ugly blue-green gown, opened in front, completely naked underneath.

My doc didn't keep me waiting long, thankfully, considering how much fun it is sitting in those cold rooms practically naked. We made the usual conversation, I assured her I haven't had any issues in the last year, and we started my exam. I was scared she was going to tell me it was time to go for my first mammogram, but luckily she didn't bring it up. So I stuck my feet in the stirrups, scooted my butt down to the end of the table, and she started doing her thing with the metal thingy and scraping away for the smear.

As she was down there, she asked, "So Chloe, are you dating anyone right now?" And considering she does need to know what's going on down there, I admit, "Umm...no one special right now, no."

"No?" she asks again.

"No, my ex and I broke up a few months ago, he decided to move back to Israel and I wasn't part of that plan." I inform her.

Why am I telling her this???

"You know, no matter what they say, Jewish men will always end up with their own. Trust me, I've been there. But it's time to get moving, you're starting to lose time!"

Excuse me??? This is what I came here for? I thought I was here to make sure my health is in order?

"Yes, I know...it's not easy finding good guys in NY, unfortunately. And for whatever reason, I'm not attracted to Asian men."

Again, why was I telling her this???? I know I was in a vulnerable position, but seriously?!

"You don't have to marry an Asian, I didn't. But believe me, stay away from Jews, they'll never marry you."

Thanks for the advice, lady. Can you just do whatever you need to do down there, feel up my boobs and spare me the reminder that my eggs are getting old? This is a lecture I expect from my mom, NOT my gynecologist, especially when she's got her hand up my you-know-what!

I should have kicked her in the head while she was down there.

Or...asked if she knew any cute, single doctors!!!

Share |