The Gynecologist's Advice

This morning, I went to see my gynecologist for my annual checkup, and while I was there, I got way more than just a Pap smear and a grope.

The morning's adventure started like it normally does. I got to the doctor's office, checked in, sat down in the waiting room which was FILLED with pregnant women and their husbands. Seriously, I was the only non-preggers female in the room (and possibly one of the few in all of NYC). I filled out my paperwork, waited patiently for my turn to sit in the exam room, waiting in that ugly blue-green gown, opened in front, completely naked underneath.

My doc didn't keep me waiting long, thankfully, considering how much fun it is sitting in those cold rooms practically naked. We made the usual conversation, I assured her I haven't had any issues in the last year, and we started my exam. I was scared she was going to tell me it was time to go for my first mammogram, but luckily she didn't bring it up. So I stuck my feet in the stirrups, scooted my butt down to the end of the table, and she started doing her thing with the metal thingy and scraping away for the smear.

As she was down there, she asked, "So Chloe, are you dating anyone right now?" And considering she does need to know what's going on down there, I admit, "Umm...no one special right now, no."

"No?" she asks again.

"No, my ex and I broke up a few months ago, he decided to move back to Israel and I wasn't part of that plan." I inform her.

Why am I telling her this???

"You know, no matter what they say, Jewish men will always end up with their own. Trust me, I've been there. But it's time to get moving, you're starting to lose time!"

Excuse me??? This is what I came here for? I thought I was here to make sure my health is in order?

"Yes, I know...it's not easy finding good guys in NY, unfortunately. And for whatever reason, I'm not attracted to Asian men."

Again, why was I telling her this???? I know I was in a vulnerable position, but seriously?!

"You don't have to marry an Asian, I didn't. But believe me, stay away from Jews, they'll never marry you."

Thanks for the advice, lady. Can you just do whatever you need to do down there, feel up my boobs and spare me the reminder that my eggs are getting old? This is a lecture I expect from my mom, NOT my gynecologist, especially when she's got her hand up my you-know-what!

I should have kicked her in the head while she was down there.

Or...asked if she knew any cute, single doctors!!!

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