The Big Creepowski

I had dinner with an old girlfriend last night, C. We met about 13 years ago through one of my exes, G (Polish guy, my first true European...one of many!). Obviously, that relationship didn't work out, but the friendship did!

It was one of those early 20's, on-again, off-again, "he has major commitment issues but keeps sucking you back in" relationships. We've all had at least one of those, right? I was young and stupid, what can I say... In the end, we tried to stay friends and I moved on, started dating other guys. Until one fine day, G said he finally realized that he was in love with me and that I should give him another chance because I didn't know what it was like to be in a relationship with him when he really wanted to be in a relationship with me. While that was a very compelling argument in his mind, and I know it's hard to believe I didn't drop to my knees to thank the Lord that he finally, truly wanted to be with me after stringing me along for 3 years, I thought, "been there, done that, have the t-shirt" and decided to pass on that stellar opportunity. He took it like a champ and accused me of dating guys behind his back. Yep, he was a prize!!!

G still lives in the city, and about a year ago, I bumped into him at a restaurant downtown, while he was on an eHarmony date. We exchanged brief pleasantries and went back to our respective dinners. The funny part is, the previous time I bumped into him was on the subway while he was on his way to a date. Just too random and odd for city with millions of people on it. Damn this small island.

Anyways, over dinner last night with C, the latest run-in with my ex came up in the conversation. She asked if his date that night was Asian, which I had no clue, but of course I had to ask why. She told me that since we broke up, he pretty much exclusively dates Asians. Not only that, but whenever he met someone new, he would show C a picture and ask her if she thinks the new girl looks like me.

My jaw dropped. I was, and still am, shocked beyond belief.

Isn't that disturbing and just...wrong on so many levels????

I kind of feel like I'm being stalked without actively being stalked! Or like...if he somehow got hold of my DNA he would have a clone made to "replace" me!

I mean, it's one thing to have a type that you tend to be attracted to, but to actively seek out a doppelganger???!!! It's just...unhealthy!!! And I feel bad for those girls! If he's smart they'll never find out, but if I was on the other side of that equation and I somehow got wind of it, I would be REALLY pissed!!! Maybe it's just me, but a guy should like me for me, not because I could pass for his ex's identical twin!!!!

Ugh, it still gives me chills just to think about it. I told C she's not allowed to tell me stuff about him anymore. Which works out, because she told him he's not allowed to ask her questions like that anymore either. Talk about a guy who needs help! It's been over 10 years - get over it already!!!

So keep in mind guys - if anything ever happens to me, I disappear, get brainwashed, become a Stepford Wife, or anything like that. Make sure to tell the cops to look at my ex, G...who will now forever be known as "The Big Creepowski"!

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Please Pardon My (Dis)Appearance

I'm sorry for my silence these last few weeks, I haven't forgotten to write, really! It's funny how life throws an unexpected curveball and you find yourself completely off-balance. And without words.

I'm used to bumps in the road...but it's terrible not being able to communicate and articulate. This inability is completely foreign to me. But life is getting back to normal and I'm returning to myself. Slowly, but surely.

So I guess for now, I am under construction, on the inside. I feel my words coming back to me, and I will not take them for granted again.

Just some fair warning - I will be on vacation starting next week for two weeks, and I am leaving all devices of electronic communication behind. But I promise I'll be back, and will be ready to resume our conversation!

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Ain't Nothin' But a Number

For some odd reason, I find myself having a lot of conversations with girlfriends about age lately. There are those who are completely ignoring their birthday this year and would rather go backwards, some who have lied about their age for so long, they have to really think to remember their real age, and there are those who would never go back and just want to stay right where they are.

To be perfectly honest, I'm starting to fall into the latter category. I don't have a problem celebrating my birthday (yet). As the years go by, I feel less and less desire to acknowledge the number, but at the same time, I would never want to go back to say, 27. I wonder why we have such hang ups about our age, and do men have these thoughts too?

I suppose part of it is about milestones. Women have biological clocks that remind us of the passage of time. As the clock ticks and winds down, so does our ability to bear children. The other part is society's warped sense of gender roles. A woman who doesn't marry becomes an "old maid" and is in danger of becoming a crazy cat lady, a man is...well, he'll still be called a bachelor.

Why is there such a double standard? Why is an single woman considered "unwanted" as she gets older, but a man isn't?

I'm not talking about anything new, I know. It's just been on my mind lately. I realized today that I'll be 35 in just a few months, and while it's scaring the hell out of me, I'm kind of excited at the same time.

Let's see what the last half of my 30's brings, hopefully it'll be a good surprise!!!

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