For Love or Money

I passed a couple on the street today - a lithe, hip, gorgeous 20-something Asian girl on the arm of a 60+ Caucasian gentleman. And he definitely was not her grandpa. I don't get it.

Actually, who am I to judge, right? But seriously, how does that work? You see that walking down the street and it just screams SUGAR DADDY. But for all I know, they have major intellectual/cerebral chemistry. It's possible...right?

I mean, there's someone out there for everyone, so maybe he's her someone and vice versa. There's no explaining chemistry. But then I started to wonder, could I be in a relationship like that? Not likely. Alternatively, could I be in a relationship where I was the breadwinner (again)?

Based on past experience, my knee-jerk reaction is a big, resounding NO. I have no problem being with someone who makes less than me, but significantly less? My experience is that it emasculated my partner, and he started to treat me not so nicely. It sucked. You think that sharing is helping, but it just made the whole situation worse and worse and worse, until it simply broke.

And in hindsight, I get it. It was a whole male ego thing - he felt that being supported by his girlfriend made him less of a man. But what was the alternative? I wanted to stand by my man, and I couldn't stand by and watch him in pain.

Or maybe I should have. I gave and gave, until I had nothing left to give. Emotionally, that is. I spent so much time looking after him and taking care of him and making sure his feelings would be okay, that one day I woke up and realized, who's looking after my needs? Who's making sure I'm okay? I certainly wasn't, and had forgotten that I even had wants and needs that weren't his. It sucked, and it hurt, but I realized I had to focus on myself and get myself out of the hole if I wanted a semblance of a happy life. It felt so selfish, but like I said, even I wasn't looking out for me.

So on the flip side, would I date a sugar daddy? No, even if I could not be an equal contributor, then at least I would need to be a contributor. But I do want babies, and I would love to be able to stay home with them for at least the first few years of their lives. And that's impossible if your partner's income can't support it. Children are expensive. New York is expensive. How do people do it in this city? Yes, you make sacrifices, save up, and budget. Everyone doesn't live a Sex & the City lifestyle, I get it. Money is useless without love. But love without money is...stressful. I've seen my parents go through it...not fun.

Sigh...is it possible to have it all???

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Modern Dating

Has dating changed much over the decades?

JO said an interesting thing to me the other day - he said that modern dating has made things harder for both sides. Men have to be everything and more, as do women. Very true, but is that really any different than it used to be?

Women always had to be Betty Crocker at home. Men always had to be...well, men. Now we're expected to be the modern versions of each.

It's obvious that gender roles have changed over the years. Women want to be more empowered, and men have learned to respect that (we hope). Women have a need to be self-sufficient and independent...and men need to figure out the dance of backing off but know when to be there as needed.

But how has that affected dating in today's day and age?

Do we want dinners paid for us? Do we want to chip in? Should there be a give and take?

Where is the How-To for all this? I know there are tons of dating books out there, but which to follow, if at all??? Is it all a case-by-case basis?

I suppose if you were really old fashioned, everything should be on the man's shoulders. He plans the date, picks her up, pays for drinks, pays for dinner, the movie, pay for bowling, etc. But in a city like New York, where everything is so expensive, is that fair?

In a time where women expect to be treated fairly, should we chip in at least a little?

I've said that I'm not a feminist. Honestly, I like being taken care of. I like being treated to a special night out. I like getting flowers, helped with the car door and my coat. But I also enjoy being able to chip in a little, to show my appreciation for a great night.

Hmm...I'm obviously all mixed up here...any thoughts people?

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Adventures In Online Dating

Last week, I thought it would be interesting to try out online dating, just to try something different and to see what's out there...you know, trying to shake things up. I had briefly tried it over a year ago, but met my ex shortly thereafter and that was the end of that venture.

It's interesting...browsing men as if shopping from a catalog. You can be proactive and reach out to them, or you can be passive and just see what comes your way. I'm kind of chicken shit shy about this whole process, so I'm pretty much letting them email me or sending a "wink" if I REALLY think they're cute.

So it's been a little less than a week, and pretty interesting so far. I replied to one guy who didn't have a picture on his profile, but he seemed nice from his email, and I didn't want to be closed-minded about this whole thing, so I wrote back. His next email still didn't have a pic, so I flat out asked him for it, and well...while he wasn't fugly, I definitely see why he didn't post it. That was a rookie mistake, huh? And I honestly didn't know what to do about it. If I send him a "no thanks" email or just stop replying, he'd know that it was because of his looks, and then I would seem like a vain and shallow bitch, right??? But what is my alternative here, I wasn't even that interested to begin with. So while I took the night and next day to decide what to do, he wrote me again, "you there?". The next day, he wrote another email, and yesterday, he wrote yet again. Needless to say, I didn't feel too bad about sending him a canned "no thanks" email after that.

Then this morning, I was looking through my recent emails and I noticed a trend...a fairly large number of the men emailing me are in the 40+ range. At 34, do I fall into THAT category already??? Not that I have a problem with older men. I just don't remember this many in that range emailing me the last time around. And there have been practically no men in their 20's emailing me. Do men look at my age and think "no way, she probably wants babies ASAP!"

Am I being subjected to online dating age discrimination??? Do they not believe me when I put "Maybe" in the kids question???

I'm not sure how I feel about online dating. I like to meet a person face to face, feel them out, see if I get a spark or even a tingle. But it's only been a week, and there are so many people I know who have had successful relationships from online dating, so why not, right?

Anyone have some tips for me?

Oh and btw, none of the guys I've sent "winks" to have returned the gesture, how rude!!!!

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The Other Side

I met up with some friends for a late supper tonight - all of them were bachelors in their mid-50's, and all looking for...well, something. The first bachelor is a well-to-do artist, and still going through his Peter Pan phase, just looking for fun and play. Another has been divorced for over a year, and looking for love. And the last...well, let's just say his work is his mistress.

It was interesting to see and hear things from their perspective. They had a lot of the same gripes we do about the opposite sex and go through a lot of the same issues with dating and meeting people.

So what's the disconnect here? If these great, single men can't find love, and all the great, single women I know can't find love, what's going on? Could it be as simple as missed connections and bad timing? Or is there such a difference between what we put out there as a singleton vs. as a boyfriend/girlfriend that we just don't see it?

There's got to be something I'm missing here. I know we're all busy and it's hard to make the time to get to know someone, but where is that tipping point when you decide to make time and give them priority?

Or maybe it is true that men are from mars and women are from venus? This is the one and only dating book I've ever read, and I admit, a lot of it makes sense! If this book is correct, we all need a translator when speaking to the opposite sex. And just to give you the bare bones of the book - nothing makes men happier than making a woman happy, and women just want to be listened to and acknowledged.

But...even with all this good advice, why does it seem so difficult?

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The Great Baby Race

By the end of 2009, I will have 9 new babies in my life. My friends and family have been quite prolific in the last year. It seems everywhere I go, everywhere I look, people are procreating like rabbits. I hope to God it's not contagious.

You would think all this baby activity would make my clock start ticking, but no. Not even a slight hum. I honestly don't know if I have the gene that makes women want to create life. Don't get me wrong, I love babies! I'm thrilled for my friends, and get excited to see what they're experiencing and the life they're creating. I just don't know if I want to make one. I'll do all the horizontal practice it takes, but no babies, please!

Where does the urge come from? I have friends who think about it all the time, and can't wait to experience pregnancy. Im sorry, I don't know...I really don't get it at all. Give me another dog or cat to adopt, now that will get my heart melting!

Is something wrong with me? Am I selfish because I like my life, and my body, the way it is? I feel like if I decide I want children later on and I am no longer able, I can adopt. Problem solved, right?

Would I feel differently if I was in love?

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Is Honesty the Best Policy?

When you're on a first date that is complete dullsville, or maybe it's not a total loss, but you know you don't have any interest in a second, how do you handle it? Do you say you'll call and then just don't? Or do you go the other route and say, "Call me", but then ignore all his follow up calls? Or, do you tell him the truth and say, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that into you"?

Is it mean, to be so honest? Okay, maybe the last example was too honest, but you get my what I'm saying here.

I have a speech...a first date "Let-Down" speech. It's pretty well-rehearsed by now, and has been fine-tuned over the last few years. It's gentle, kind, but very clear. I believe in respect, honesty, and not wasting anyone's time (mine or theirs). But I'm also not interested in wasting my energy avoiding phone calls or lying to people. It's just not my thing. I only deliver the "speech" as needed, and have learned to be careful with it. I've learned that honesty is a rare, and therefore, very powerful thing!

So it goes something like this: if I'm on a date and just not feeling any cha-cha, I'll stay for 1, maybe 2 drinks max, which should be about an hour or so. I figure that's long enough to be polite, and if he isn't terribly boring or a major asshole, not too much time has been lost. I'm in sales, so I can pretty much talk to anybody. Plus, I find people interesting, so sometimes it can be quite entertaining, and I can almost always find a reason to laugh!

After a fair amount of time has passed, I'll start winding it down, saying that I need to be getting home and that it's a busy week for me so I can't be out late (usually pretty true on a school night, I ALWAYS schedule first dates on school nights so there is an automatic exit strategy). As we walk out of the bar, restaurant, or wherever, if, and only if he starts to allude to a second date, like, "This was fun, we should do this again sometime..." Then I feel it's only fair to not play games and be honest with him, so I deliver my speech, and it goes something like this:

"I had very a nice time talking and getting to know you tonight, thank you so much. I definitely would want to hang out again as friends, but I just don't think there is any chemistry here, I'm sorry."

Is that too harsh? You'd be surprised at some of the reactions I've gotten.

One guy, let's call him Dragon Breath, practically ran into traffic to get away from me after the speech because he was so shocked. I have to admit, it wasn't exactly an Academy Award winning performance, but he had MAJOR dragon breath, and he was going in for a kiss, so I totally panicked and kind of just blurted it out. I couldn't help it, it was a knee-jerk reaction, really! It was either that, or let him kiss me and puke all over him, it was THAT BAD!!!

Next time I'm in a similar situation, I'll tell him I don't kiss on the first date, and THEN deliver the speech, would that be better?

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Do I Have a White-Boy Fetish?

As I've mentioned in The Gynecologist's Advice and in The White Knight, I don't really date Asian men. I'm just not attracted to them, I can't help it. Plus, much to my mother's dismay, other than the ones I'm related to, I don't know any. What is a girl to do?

It was back in college when I somehow lost my attraction to Asian men. How does that happen? Did I forget it somewhere, like in the university library, when I re-shelved that copy of Deviant Psychology? Or maybe someone borrowed it with my Psychedelic Furs CD and never gave it back...? Or was I robbed?

Not that I'm sad about it, but my Mom sure is. She wonders what I have against Chinese men, and thinks it's an insult, like I think they're not good enough for me or something. Sorry Mom, but I've tried. You just can't force these things.

It's not like I can control who I'm attracted to. I just don't look at an Asian man and think, "oh baby". And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. So does that mean I have a white-boy fetish???

There are many terms for men who have an Asian fetish - Rice Queen (I know, that only applies to gay men, but it's soooo much funnier than the term Rice King), Yellow Fever, Rice Lover, Asiaphile (I found that one in Wikipedia)...none very flattering. Christ, is there a term for those of us who exclusively date White boys? And is ours a fetish, or simply a preference?

Amongst the few Asians I do know, very few of us would date a White boy who only dates Asians. It's just creepy. You never know if they want you for you, or for the fantasy. You know what fantasy I'm talking about. The quiet, submissive, Geisha-girl, laugh oh-so-politely-behind-your-hand laugh, and never talk back. That is NOT me. I love to laugh out loud, and I will talk back. I am quite the antithesis of my China doll appearance, and while I do embrace my feminine side, I am extremely independent. I simply don't fit the expectations...or the fantasy, if you will.

I bumped into an ex a few weeks ago while having dinner at Japonais with a friend. Apparently he was on an eHarmony date, which was funny, because the last time I bumped into him, I think he was on his way to a Match date. A few days later, I was on the phone with a girlfriend we each still keep in touch with, and mentioned bumping into him. She asked me if his date was Chinese, which I didn't know, but of course I had to ask why. I wish I hadn't, because it seems since we broke up nearly 10 years ago, he has almost exclusively dated Asians. Now THAT is creepy.

Ah well, to each his own, right? At least I can say I was the first!

So what's wrong with me? Maybe something in my brain is just wired differently...

It's time to crawl into bed, so I think I'm going to stop analyzing it and just love me (and my preferences) as I am!

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Potential Jesus Freak, Part II

We left off the other day at the end of my first date with the Potential Jesus Freak. Honestly, in spite of the premature revelation about his love of God, I had a good time. He made me laugh, conversation flowed easily, he seemed fun!

After our date, we continued to talk and email, getting to know one another. This whole experience taught me it really IS good to take your time getting to know someone. No more rushing into things, especially into bed, for me. Date #2 was that...interesting!

We went out to dinner for our second date, and it was nice. Again, great conversation, good food. The after-dinner conversation, however, was a whole other story. As soon as we walked out of the resto, we started walking around and the first thing he asked me was, "So Chloe, tell me something about yourself I don't already know."

I stood there, thinking to myself, was that a real question??? What does he need to know RIGHT NOW that he can't learn naturally over the course of time? I was stumped. I hate questions like that - the questioner tries to make it seem spontaneous but they're really not. So I'm wracking my brain, trying to think of something, anything that's not a stupid mundane or routine factoid. And the only thing I can think of is, "Well...I did a lot of partying and drugs in my early 20's, therefore I don't remember most of that period of my life, but I can confidently say I had a lot of fun"?

(Yes, this is what comes out of my mouth when put on the spot and asked stupid questions like that.)

Him: Oh, okay...and where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Now I'm starting to feel all the fun sucked out of me and getting kind of annoyed. This was starting to feel like a job interview. I know some people approach dating that way, but I don't. I think of a date as a chance to go out with someone new, have a good time, and at the same time, get to know each other. But the ultimate goal of the night should be FUN, not to run through a checklist of questions. I thought these must be his standard second date questions, and was wondering when he was going to hand me my sealed test packet and #2 pencil. Is the whole test comprised of essay questions, or will there be multiple choice too?

And who asks that question, anyway? I guess I'm more of a live for the day kind of person. I don't even know where I'll be 10 days from now, much less 10 years! But again, this is why you should never shit where you eat. I couldn't blow him off because he was a client, so the utmost diplomacy had to be employed here.

Me: Well, I guess I'm not really much of a planner, so who knows where I'll be 10 years from now. All I can say is I'll probably still be living here in the city, because I don't want to live anywhere else. Hopefully I'll be a little more settled, and hopefully a little bit smarter.

Him: What do you mean by settled?

Me: (Barely disguised rolling eyes) Well, I don't want to live in a studio apartment forever, so I'd like a bigger apartment.

Him: Does bigger apartment mean settled to you???

Me: Of course it's a part of it. I would hope to be with someone down the line and therefore need a bigger apartment. Do I want to settle down? Of course, eventually. But only with the right man. I'm not going to settle with someone just to be married and have kids because it's what's "supposed" to happen.

Him: And what did you mean by smarter?

Me: (Jesus Christ, is he taking notes???) Well, hopefully you learn something new every day, and if I'm still alive 10 years from now, hopefully I will have retained some of the lessons I've learned along the way! (Like never to go out with you again after tonight!!!)

Him: So what do you pursue in life, Chloe?

Me: (Now I'm really losing my patience) *sigh* That's a very broad question, what do you mean?

Him: Well it's your life, what do you pursue?!

Me: Oh God...I pursue lots of things. Let's see...I pursue...money. I pursue career growth. I pursue good relationships, whether it's with friends, family, what-have-you. I pursue...fun...and I pursue enlightenment.

Him: And what does enlightenment mean to you?

AHA!!! There was my window to make sure he would NEVER want to ask me on another date again!

Me: Well, as a non-religious person who doesn't believe in organized religion at all...To me, enlightenment means awareness of self, the universe, and having awareness of how those energies correlate to one another. While I don't believe in God, I am spiritual. I do believe there is a higher being or maybe even beings out there. And if there is a God and he's omnipotent like religions say he is, then he knew I would be secular, so he should be okay with it. I don't think he'd care if l'il ole me in this whole entire universe decided not to pray or go to church to worship him or her. I'm pretty sure there are other things going on out there.

Him: But you have to agree there is sin. And that there needs to be forgiveness of sin. I think God requires a personal relationship with each and every one of us.

Me: No, I don't believe in the concept of sin, or confession. I believe in being a good person and think of life in terms of right and wrong, and if you have wronged, you only need to ask yourself and the party or parties you've wronged for forgiveness. As long as you've asked them for forgiveness, the rest is about how you reconcile within yourself, the universe as a whole, and whatever energy you put out there to the world.

Him: And what would enlightenment mean to you if you were religious?

Me: (He just DOESNT give up, does he?) I can't answer that question.

Him: Why not?

Me: Because I'm NOT religious. I would never even attempt to assume to know what enlightenment meant to a religious person. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in organized religion. I think organized religion was created to control people through fear and judgement. I think religion is the cause of almost all our wars. I don't equate enlightenment with religion, I can't answer that question for you.

At this point, I was really tired of the Spanish Inquisition and didn't feel like talking anymore. I figured it's time for him to answer a question or two, to give me a break from talking so I can figure out how I can bow out gracefully and go home to do something fun, like laundry.

Me: So what about you, what do you pursue in life?

Him: Well, I pursue one thing and one thing only. Everything else in my life just supports that one thing.

So this is how NON-religious I am, I was thinking he's going to say true love...maybe family...or even possibly career. No. Of course none of those answers were right, dumb-ass.

Him: ...And that one thing is God.

Me: (HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. Is he serious??? Don't make a face, don't run, keep him talking so you can keep thinking about how to get the hell out of here! How the hell did this guy get on the island of Manhattan? Who talks like this here???) Wow...really...huh...and...how does pursuing job promotions and advancement in your career help you with your pursuit of God?

My mind was reeling. In hindsight, I know I should have expected that answer, but I'll admit, I was dumb. That answer REALLY threw me off guard! I honestly don't even know what his response was because I was in such shock. I just kept hmm-mmm-ing and nodding at random intervals, which I guess worked because he kept talking and talking.

At this point I wasn't sure if I was doing a good job of quelling his interest or not. Did he think he could try to save my soul, and deliver me to his Lord and Saviour??? I just wanted to go home and put this behind me. So I started yawning. And yawned some more. Conversation about religion and my non-religiousness continued, so I got desperate and actually told him I'm more likely to believe the evidence and theories that aliens dropped off our ancestors in Egypt to populate the world than I believe in the story of Adam and Eve. Yes, I basically told him I would be willing to be a Scientologist. Have you seen that show Ancient Aliens on the History Channel? Very interesting and compelling theories!

That emphatic statement, coupled with all my yawning finally did the trick. He asked me if I was tired, gave me a hug, hailed me a cab and I was on my way home. He didn't send me the standard follow up text, never called to say he had a good time, thank God (if there is a God). And a week later, I started working with his counterpart at the client site instead of him. Thankfully he was a mature adult and we were friendly, but nothing more. Phew! Could you imagine if we had actually kissed or something? YUCK.

That was an extremely painful reminder that one should never shit where they eat. Lesson re-learned! I will never, ever, EVER go out with a client again!!!

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Potential Jesus Freak, Part I

A few years ago, I broke one of my own cardinal rules by agreeing to go out with a client. He got under my skin slowly, and before I knew it, I was intrigued. It all started with random phone calls about minor issues that really could have been handled by tech support, then follow up emails and follow up emails to my follow up emails...at first I thought it was cute that he had a crush on me, but as the communication became more frequent, I guess he hooked me somewhere along the way. Hey, the guy made me laugh. A LOT.

Fortunately, because I thought it was so funny and cute at first, my boss knew about the increased communication, and was actually all in favor of a pairing. So when he called to ask me out to brunch, I agreed. I figured, my boss knows and approves, so why not? My ass is covered. You hear about successful relationships where the couple met at work, so maybe it could happen to me too, right?

He was quite the gentleman, and would always ask for permission to call me in the evening or over the weekend. He was extremely attentive during conversation, never interrupted, and really listened. Our interaction and conversations up to the first date were really positive and I was excited about the upcoming date. Maybe I had finally met a funny, great, normal guy!

We agreed to brunch on a spring Saturday, and we had a great meal at Freemans. He loved food just as much as I did, which was a huge plus. He wasn't too into sports, another plus. Loved music and going to live shows, plus. Loves to travel. This guy was looking better and better as we progressed. He was very close to his parents and family, but they all lived in the midwest - BONUS.

Brunch led to a walk around downtown. We were having a really good time, talking and window shopping. We started talking about life in NYC, how there's so much to do, and he mentioned there's a lot he would like to do but hasn't yet because he hasn't found the right partner, like museums, the beach, the caribbean, etc. How cute, he just wants a playmate, right? He tells me he hasn't had that many girlfriends up to this point, because he has been patiently waiting for the right girl to come along. A bit sappy and a little too Nicholas Sparks-inspired, but still cute.

I asked why doesn't he do these things (vacations, museums, concerts, etc.) with his friends, and apparently they're pretty much all married and have kids. Of course we start to talk about his friends more, and he mentions that he has met most of them at his church.

Pause...

Me: Do you go to church often?

Him: If I'm in town, yes, every Sunday.

Me: Oh...um, are you religious?

Him: I've been back and forth with the Methodist church, but recently I've become more involved and have been seeking a relationship with God again. Are you?

Me: No, not at all, I'm spiritual, but not religious. At all. Actually, I don't believe in organized religion. At all.

Him: But you have to agree that there is sin and that we need to be forgiven for our sins.

Me: (This is way too deep for a first date, time to change the subject.) Hmmm...yeah...I can respect that view. So, in all your travels with work, what was your favorite city in the world???

The rest of the date went fairly well, considering that little blip. But I have to admit I was a bit worried about the whole church and religious thing. Not that I can't respect another person's views, and it wasn't a deal-breaker for me, but I did feel like I needed to keep an eye on it. Like, if this progressed into a relationship, would he expect me to wake up early on Sunday and go to church with him? Because there was no way in hell that was happening. More likely that I'd tell him not to wake me on his way out! And if I met his friends, would they think I'm bad because I take pole dance classes and own stripper heels? And what about the fact that I have potty mouth? Do I have to try to reign that in?

The odd thing is, if he had told me he was Jewish and religious, it wouldn't have bothered me in the least. Maybe it's because I'm from Brooklyn, and therefore am a quarter Jewish by default...? Or maybe it's because I grew up in a Christian church and that experience has made me especially weary of Christians in general...?

Again, Jewish, no problem. And Catholic probably wouldn't have bothered me too much either. But Methodist...? I don't know. I get that some people go to church for the sense of community. But based on our conversation, it led me to believe he was looking for way more than community. It's not often you meet a religious, practicing Methodist in NYC. At least, not in my travels. Where do they hang out? Besides church, that is.

Who knows...as always, I was trying to keep an open mind about it all and not pass judgement. Maybe I could respect his views, and he could respect mine, right? Also, I didn't want to offend my client, even if we were both mature adults about everything. (Now I remember why it was my cardinal rule. Never shit where you eat, Chloe!!!)

Stay tuned, and we'll see what happens next, when I tell you about date #2!

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The Big WHOA

He's getting married. He's getting married???!!! HOLY SHIT

HOLY FUCK

I don't...words...can't...I can't...

My ex, my very own Mr. Big...the international jet-setting playboy that I was stupid and young enough to go back and forth with for years...

Is getting MARRIED.

I just got the Save the Date. Yeah...we're still friends. We're actually great as friends. As lovers, we were never very nice to each other. Well, it also didn't help that he didn't know how to keep his pants on.

I knew about the girlfriend...it's been a few years now, I think. I've been told she's really great. I also knew she was pregnant, and it's a boy. And I was happy for him. Truly, truly happy for him and excited. Really!!!

Then I got the email this afternoon. A save the date email. For a big blowout wedding in Vegas sometime next spring.

And I'm shocked. I'm truly, truly shocked. I shouldn't be, right? I mean, she's having his baby, after all. And he sounds happy, which is great.

Should I go?

I mean, I'm happy for him, but do I have to be THAT happy for him? I'm over him. Been over him, but this...this...is just...HUGE. Crazy.

It would be weird. Too weird. I can't go. Not unless I'm engaged too. Ha-ha, just kidding!

No...what's the point in making a show. I'm not going to go. I'll send a lovely, thoughtful gift and call it a day. That'll work, right?

Would I be able to invite my ex to my wedding? Could I be that big and mature? I'd like to think I would. I'd like to think that I would be able to share such a special, momentous occasion with him if it ever happens to me.

Jesus Christ, I can't believe he's actually getting married...

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When Dreams Come True

One of my sister's childhood friends just got engaged. You would think this would be the most exciting time of her early adult life, but she's not exactly thrilled. He proposed on her 30th birthday, before thousands during the fireworks display at Disney World, which I guess is just a tiny bit of pressure.

When she announced the engagement to my sister, she wasn't wearing the ring. She fished it out of her purse, in a Ziplock baggie. Hmm..maybe it's just me, but that's not exactly a good sign. So, why isn't she excited?

They had never discussed marriage before, so the proposal was completely out of the blue. When they got back to New York, she asked him why. His great, romantic answer was, "Well, if it was my choice, I wouldn't be engaged at the age of 27, but you're not getting any younger, so I figured why not now."

Wow...this guy is a catch!

Wait, so let's bottom-line the situation here. His main reason for marrying her is because he thinks she's getting to be an old maid, therefore he has no choice. Yes...he is a winner, all right! And I guess she is too, because she didn't tell him to shove it.

What is going on here? What strong, intelligent, independent woman in her right mind would stay with a man who's reason for getting married is, "Because you're an old maid"?

Where is the passion, the love, the "You're the love of my life, I can't live without you. Please marry me and grow old with me"?

Why do people date and get married? I suppose there are those who do it to get out of this great circus we call dating, some do it for money or even a green card...some so they'll have a baby-daddy, and some actually do it for true love.

Tell me, what does a marriage make?

We're not sure what has happened in the last week, but as of now, the engagement is still on. My sister, fabulous friend that she is, has pledged to stick by her girl through the engagement, the marriage, and also for the divorce. Any bets on how long this one will last?

Sigh...I have to admit, it's stories like this that make me glad I'm single. I want deep, passionate, free-falling love. I want to grow old with someone that will be with me through the good and the bad, who will be my greatest champion, my partner in crime...someone to play with, and laugh over stories like this with! Someone who will love me for my craziness, will always know exactly when I need a hug, and who will love me in spite of the fact that I get irritable when I'm hungry, grumpy when I'm tired, and not exactly rational when I'm pms-ing!

Now that, my friends, is the kind of love that happens when dreams come true!

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