As I've mentioned in The Gynecologist's Advice and in The White Knight, I don't really date Asian men. I'm just not attracted to them, I can't help it. Plus, much to my mother's dismay, other than the ones I'm related to, I don't know any. What is a girl to do?
It was back in college when I somehow lost my attraction to Asian men. How does that happen? Did I forget it somewhere, like in the university library, when I re-shelved that copy of Deviant Psychology? Or maybe someone borrowed it with my Psychedelic Furs CD and never gave it back...? Or was I robbed?
Not that I'm sad about it, but my Mom sure is. She wonders what I have against Chinese men, and thinks it's an insult, like I think they're not good enough for me or something. Sorry Mom, but I've tried. You just can't force these things.
It's not like I can control who I'm attracted to. I just don't look at an Asian man and think, "oh baby". And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. So does that mean I have a white-boy fetish???
There are many terms for men who have an Asian fetish - Rice Queen (I know, that only applies to gay men, but it's soooo much funnier than the term Rice King), Yellow Fever, Rice Lover, Asiaphile (I found that one in Wikipedia)...none very flattering. Christ, is there a term for those of us who exclusively date White boys? And is ours a fetish, or simply a preference?
Amongst the few Asians I do know, very few of us would date a White boy who only dates Asians. It's just creepy. You never know if they want you for you, or for the fantasy. You know what fantasy I'm talking about. The quiet, submissive, Geisha-girl, laugh oh-so-politely-behind-your-hand laugh, and never talk back. That is NOT me. I love to laugh out loud, and I will talk back. I am quite the antithesis of my China doll appearance, and while I do embrace my feminine side, I am extremely independent. I simply don't fit the expectations...or the fantasy, if you will.
I bumped into an ex a few weeks ago while having dinner at Japonais with a friend. Apparently he was on an eHarmony date, which was funny, because the last time I bumped into him, I think he was on his way to a Match date. A few days later, I was on the phone with a girlfriend we each still keep in touch with, and mentioned bumping into him. She asked me if his date was Chinese, which I didn't know, but of course I had to ask why. I wish I hadn't, because it seems since we broke up nearly 10 years ago, he has almost exclusively dated Asians. Now THAT is creepy.
Ah well, to each his own, right? At least I can say I was the first!
So what's wrong with me? Maybe something in my brain is just wired differently...
It's time to crawl into bed, so I think I'm going to stop analyzing it and just love me (and my preferences) as I am!
5 comments:
Tony and I have a friend who is Armenian. His parents were all upset too. He's 36. And you know, they'e putting the pressure on. So this summer, he goes to Armenia, and comes back with: Taaa daaa! a bride. But she's a babe and what's not to like?
As I've told you, I'm white- Tony's black. I know some people probably think I'm into black men. Nope. I love Tony and Tony happens to be black. (But I gotta say... they DO come with some big benefits if you get my drift. I'm just sayin'...)
And then there's the flipside. Black women can think like your mom- Oh?! Black women aren't GOOD ENOUGH for you, you had to go and get a white girl?
Know the joke? What are two things a black man wants?
A Cadillac and a white woman.
Tony is so not like that. He loves me because he loves me. If I was purple, I bet he'd still love me. He'd never take me anywhere much, but he'd love me.
Truly. I think we've just got to quit seeing color. Let's look at values and integrity. Are they fun to be with? Are they smart? Do I enjoy them? Can they freakin' put up with me? (I am no walk in the park to live with, btw.)
Great post.
Chloe I feel you on this one. I'm a Latina and while I've seen some amazingly hot latin men, I'm just not generally all that attracted to them. Perhaps it's because they are generally short and I like them all, although my boyfriend is only 5'9, but he makes up for it with those amazing blue eyes. I think that's my problem. I love light eyes. Give me a latino with light eyes and ....wait...I still wouldn't take him...I'M IN LOVE WITH MY WEDO!!!
E.C. - you're totally right. I try my best to be open minded and would probably accept a date with an Asian if we were getting along and he was fun, smart, etc. It's the physical attraction part...that zing, the cha-cha, that I don't feel when I look at them. And I'm the kind of girl that feels it right away, I'm not one of those, "maybe he'll grow on me" girls. The weirdest part was I used to be attracted to them, and it just turned off in my brain one day. I can't explain it!
R - I know what you mean, I'm a sucker for gorgeous eyes too! I'm so happy for you that you're in love, even if he is a Wedo...and does he know you call him that?! LOL
I have a Vietnamese friend who only dated white girls, but he grew up around them, and doesn't know many Asian girls either. One of his sisters got married to a white guy, and boy was their mom mad for a long time. My friend just had a baby last year though, with a white girl, and his mom is over it, I guess. She's all gaga over the little boy, who is super cute, but half white. I guess love wins out.
Unfortunately, that's common, Aunt Juicebox. My cousin married a Korean girl, and his mother was so upset, she actually locked herself in her bedroom for hours after he told them they were engaged! Could you imagine? Even my grandmother told her to get over herself, she said at least their kids will look Asian! But once they had kids, she was fine. I, for one, think mixed babies are gorgeous!
And I agree, love wins (or should!) :)
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