The White Knight

We all have a list of things we look for in a boyfriend. Smart, funny, good-looking, motivated, attentive, healthy, no Mommy-issues, financially stable (no more deadbeats for me), honest, blah blah blah. I'm not sure what is on men's list, but I guess the basics are about the same, right? Most women I've talked to have very similar lists, but there is one trait not a single person has mentioned, and it honestly has never even crossed my mind until today.

As I was discussing "checklists" with a friend earlier today, he asked me: When you are dating someone, is there an expectation that they will be able to protect you?

It's a really good question. In all the times I've thought about what I look for in a man, I have never specifically asked for a big, strong man. But don't we all look for that in some form or another? I have a habit of dating men who have served in the Armed Forces - my last boyfriend was a fighter pilot in the Israeli Air Force. So, is it just assumed that we look for it? Is it taboo for a modern girl to say it aloud?

Aren't we all looking for a knight in shining armor?

In spite of never having specified strength and brawn, I have referred to it in conversation on occasion. Last year, a few girls and I were at R Bar, and this drunk-ass girl picked a fight with my friend's boyfriend. Being drunk himself, he got in her face, she started pushing him, it wasn't pretty. My girlfriend calmed her boyfriend down, but the drunk girl's boyfriend (who happened to be Asian), did absolutely nothing. He didn't stand up for her, he didn't get in the middle and try to protect her, he just stood by, and let her pick a fight and come close to blows with a man. It was pathetic - I turned to another friend, and said that what just happened is yet another reason I don't date Asian men. I know it's a stereotype, but I can't help it, Asian men just don't convey strength and the illusion of protector.

But I digress...Look at what we've done in the last few decades, ladies - we've gone through the sexual freedom of the 60's, the feminist 70's, the power-suited working girls of the 80's, and onto the late 90's, which gave us Sex & the City. In this day and age, we have been conditioned to be independent, self-sufficient, and confident. We can have it all, but are we allowed to be vulnerable at the same time? Do we need someone to protect us from the Big Bad Wolf? I sure as hell do.

I don't consider myself to be a feminist. I'm pretty sure the women in my circle believe in the strength, beauty and power of women, but would not call themselves feminists either. No, we're definitely not feminists. But we're not allowed to be vulnerable either. We have been taught that vulnerable = weak. And weak just doesn't work in this city.

Having lived alone for close to a decade, I can take care of my bills, have disposable income to play with, am perfectly capable of fixing my toilet and can caulk like nobody's business. But at the end of the day, I am looking for someone who will watch over me.

While I don't want someone who is aggressive, I do want a man who will stand up for me, and when I think about it, I do watch for cues that will make me feel safe when I am out on a date, like as we cross the street, does he walk on the side of oncoming traffic? Does he look out for the sidewalk grills when I'm wearing heels? If we pass a rowdy group of men, would he put himself between us as we walk by?

What do you think? Am I old-fashioned? What do you look for in a partner? Would you shun a man who wants to be your knight in shining armor?

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