A few years ago, I broke one of my own cardinal rules by agreeing to go out with a client. He got under my skin slowly, and before I knew it, I was intrigued. It all started with random phone calls about minor issues that really could have been handled by tech support, then follow up emails and follow up emails to my follow up emails...at first I thought it was cute that he had a crush on me, but as the communication became more frequent, I guess he hooked me somewhere along the way. Hey, the guy made me laugh. A LOT.
Fortunately, because I thought it was so funny and cute at first, my boss knew about the increased communication, and was actually all in favor of a pairing. So when he called to ask me out to brunch, I agreed. I figured, my boss knows and approves, so why not? My ass is covered. You hear about successful relationships where the couple met at work, so maybe it could happen to me too, right?
He was quite the gentleman, and would always ask for permission to call me in the evening or over the weekend. He was extremely attentive during conversation, never interrupted, and really listened. Our interaction and conversations up to the first date were really positive and I was excited about the upcoming date. Maybe I had finally met a funny, great, normal guy!
We agreed to brunch on a spring Saturday, and we had a great meal at Freemans. He loved food just as much as I did, which was a huge plus. He wasn't too into sports, another plus. Loved music and going to live shows, plus. Loves to travel. This guy was looking better and better as we progressed. He was very close to his parents and family, but they all lived in the midwest - BONUS.
Brunch led to a walk around downtown. We were having a really good time, talking and window shopping. We started talking about life in NYC, how there's so much to do, and he mentioned there's a lot he would like to do but hasn't yet because he hasn't found the right partner, like museums, the beach, the caribbean, etc. How cute, he just wants a playmate, right? He tells me he hasn't had that many girlfriends up to this point, because he has been patiently waiting for the right girl to come along. A bit sappy and a little too Nicholas Sparks-inspired, but still cute.
I asked why doesn't he do these things (vacations, museums, concerts, etc.) with his friends, and apparently they're pretty much all married and have kids. Of course we start to talk about his friends more, and he mentions that he has met most of them at his church.
Pause...
Me: Do you go to church often?
Him: If I'm in town, yes, every Sunday.
Me: Oh...um, are you religious?
Him: I've been back and forth with the Methodist church, but recently I've become more involved and have been seeking a relationship with God again. Are you?
Me: No, not at all, I'm spiritual, but not religious. At all. Actually, I don't believe in organized religion. At all.
Him: But you have to agree that there is sin and that we need to be forgiven for our sins.
Me: (This is way too deep for a first date, time to change the subject.) Hmmm...yeah...I can respect that view. So, in all your travels with work, what was your favorite city in the world???
The rest of the date went fairly well, considering that little blip. But I have to admit I was a bit worried about the whole church and religious thing. Not that I can't respect another person's views, and it wasn't a deal-breaker for me, but I did feel like I needed to keep an eye on it. Like, if this progressed into a relationship, would he expect me to wake up early on Sunday and go to church with him? Because there was no way in hell that was happening. More likely that I'd tell him not to wake me on his way out! And if I met his friends, would they think I'm bad because I take pole dance classes and own stripper heels? And what about the fact that I have potty mouth? Do I have to try to reign that in?
The odd thing is, if he had told me he was Jewish and religious, it wouldn't have bothered me in the least. Maybe it's because I'm from Brooklyn, and therefore am a quarter Jewish by default...? Or maybe it's because I grew up in a Christian church and that experience has made me especially weary of Christians in general...?
Again, Jewish, no problem. And Catholic probably wouldn't have bothered me too much either. But Methodist...? I don't know. I get that some people go to church for the sense of community. But based on our conversation, it led me to believe he was looking for way more than community. It's not often you meet a religious, practicing Methodist in NYC. At least, not in my travels. Where do they hang out? Besides church, that is.
Who knows...as always, I was trying to keep an open mind about it all and not pass judgement. Maybe I could respect his views, and he could respect mine, right? Also, I didn't want to offend my client, even if we were both mature adults about everything. (Now I remember why it was my cardinal rule. Never shit where you eat, Chloe!!!)
Stay tuned, and we'll see what happens next, when I tell you about date #2!
2 comments:
I laughed out loud at: "Like, if this progressed into a relationship, would he expect me to wake up early on Sunday and go to church with him?"
You and I are so much alike. I hate getting up on Sunday mornings! And I wanted a stripper pole for our house, but my husband says it will damage the ceiling. You know the rotating, titainium kind? That's what I wanted.
Yeah, he didn't need to ask you about something so personal on the first date. As far as Methodists go: I'm actually shocked that there's "Southern Baptist" Methodists out there- because, living in Texas, I guess everyone's a quarter Southern Baptist by default. Southern Baptists tend to be great legalists and rule keepers.
By the typical Southern Baptist's standards, The Lord Jesus Christ himself would NOT be welcome! Why mostly? {{{gasp}}} He drinks alchohol.
There's an ammendment to the Southern Baptist Convention's consitution that absolutely prohibits those who drink "alcoholic beverages" from having any form of leadership in the church! Oh, puleeze.
I'm waiting to see your post number 2, Chloe!
Get a pole, Entrepreneur Chick!!! Don't get a rotating one though, you'll just constantly make yourself dizzy. And you don't have to drill holes anywhere. I have a compression pole, just make sure you put it where there is a beam - it's so easy!!!
Are there really "Southern Baptist" Methodists out there? See, all these rules, the judgemental attitudes...this is my issue with organized religion, but more on that in part deux!
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