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Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Little Bo-Peep

Back in December, J met a nice guy at a Christmas party who went to her high school, and they really seemed to hit it off with. Great way to end the year, right? But after several conversations and texts back and forth, she was asked out and subsequently stood up twice by the dude. That's so rude, who does that???

A few weeks later, as she was sharing her frustration about the guy with some old school chums, someone asked, "Wasn't he the one who was rumored to have done it with a sheep when we were in high school???" And that's when the light bulb turned on. There was a guy in high school who everyone said had stuck his you-know-what in a sheep, and considering how rare a rumor like that is, it MUST HAVE BEEN HIM. Once again, who does that????

She shouldn't feel slighted about being stood up by a guy like that, because she's absolutely amazing, and realistically, he did her a favor! Would you really want to be known as the girl who went out with the guy who shagged a sheep? And honestly, would you even touch that thing with a 10-foot pole, in case the rumor is true??? If it is true, maybe he flaked because he just doesn't know how to interact with real people!

But back to the poor sheep - I couldn't help but wonder, was it a sexual attachment to the sheep? Simple curiosity? Or was it a case of animal cruelty??? Maybe it's because I majored in psychology that I find this whole thing fascinating, or maybe because it's just so fucked up.

What drives a desire or a compulsion like that???

So I did some research...The most fascinating part is that people who engage in bestiality (otherwise known as zoophilia) or who have thoughts of bestiality are normal people just like you and me. After some quick research on Wikipedia, it seems that people who engage in bestiality do so because they simply don't want to deal with the hassle of sex with emotion and relationships (OMG, I was right!!!). And, this has been going on since the ancient Greeks were around. GROSS.

Coincidentally, last night during a bout of insomnia, I came across a documentary on Sundance On Demand called Zoo, about a man in Washington state who died as a result of a perforated colon after having sex with a horse. I couldn't bring myself to watch the movie...I figured at 2am, it was a bit heavy and morbid while trying to zone out, but I actually remember when this incident happened. I was working for a company based out of Seattle several years ago, and we were all gathered for a national sales meeting when this hit the news. At the time, it was not illegal to have sex with animals in the state of Washington, which shocked the hell out of us New Yorkers. How can something like that not be illegal??? It's still illegal to perform oral sex in the state of New Jersey! AND, this guy was an executive at Boeing, had a family and everything. Craziness. How do you think his kids feel knowing this is how their father died???

Unfortunately, the DSM-IV doesn't consider bestiality to be a diagnosed condition unless it affects a person's ability to function normally in daily life. Besides, how would you treat someone with this condition anyway? Would they attend sex rehab with Tiger??? I believe that your sexuality and who you're attracted to is genetic, so is bestiality the same because these people can't help being attracted to animals?

Oye...I had meant to tell you guys a funny story, but now I've made it all dark and twisted. I need a drink or some sleeping pills now, anything to obliterate this from my mind!!!

Back to Sheep Boy from high school, his story has inspired me to make an amateur attempt at a little rhyme for you all:

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them

Leave them alone, And they'll come home
Wagging their tails behind them

Unless, that is, Sheep Boy
Has managed to have his way about them!!!


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Time To Fess Up

When it comes to my parents, I am an intensely private person. I don't discuss my love life with them...I never have, ever. I guess I don't want my Mother to nag me with questions and start meddling (she's really good at nagging), or maybe...actually, that's about it - I can't deal with my Mom nagging me with questions.

But, there comes a time in a girls' life when she has to tell her parents about her boyfriend. Like this weekend. Because Valentine's Day dinner and Chinese New Year family dinner just happen to coincide and you have to explain to your Mom why you won't be attending the family dinner. Well, I didn't really tell her about my boyfriend this weekend, I said I had Valentine's Day plans and left it at that. This afternoon was when the real torture and humiliation began...!

It all started when I called my mom this afternoon to see how her Valentine's Day was (my brother, sister and I bought our parent's tickets to see West Side Story). Their seats were awesome, and they liked it well enough, even though nearly half the show was in Spanish (which I think is weird). After we got that out of the way, there was a noticeable uncomfortable silence, because we were both obviously thinking about the pink elephant in the room, and the conversation went like this:

Mom: So...I haven't seen you since New Year's Eve dinner on Saturday...

Me: Right...since when do you see me during the week?

Mom: Well...um...how was your Valentine's Day dinner?

Me: Umm...it was nice...a little crowded, but nice.

Mom: What's his name?

Me: T

Mom: Is he white?

Me: Of course he is, who are you talking to???

Mom: Well...is it...is it...serious...???

At this point, I started giggling because, #1 - I am sooooo not ready for these questions from my mother, and #2 - if I really must have this conversation, I don't exactly want to be having it while I'm at work!

Me: Ummm...well...

Mom: No...???!!!

Me: No!!! I mean...well...yeah...it's getting there...

Mom: OH. Well...umm...do you want him to meet your parents?

Me: (Laughing uncontrollably now) Um...um...ummm...ummm....

Mom: Well???

Me: (Practically shrieking) I don't know if I'm ready for that yet!!!! Why, are you cooking dinner anytime soon?

Mom: Since when do I cook anymore?

Me: Well, how else are you going to meet him???

Mom: Well, I thought you would cook and invite us over to meet him!

Me: I have no dining area, you and Dad want to come over and sit on the floor around my coffee table for dinner???!!!!

And it wound down from there...thankfully, she didn't push me on it. We eventually settled on a family dinner in a few weeks or so and I can bring him home. God, if any of my coworkers overheard me, I must have sounded like a babbling idiot.

Hopefully I'll have regained my power of speech and will have the giggles under control by then!


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

You Are What You...

I truly believe that you are what you eat. As a result, I'm an obsessive label-reader. It's terrible, but in a good way. It significantly reduces the amount of processed foods I eat, and when it comes to my skin care lotions, it has steered me towards products with less fillers and scary-sounding chemicals. I mean, it's nearly impossible to do so if you want to enjoy life, but if you can at least limit the amount of toxins you ingest or come into contact with, then you should, right?

With all this, I never thought to extend my label-reading to my make up before. That is, until I found a new website to feed my obsession sickness interest, www.CometicsDatabase.com. This site is amazing - it rates the toxicity levels of your skin care products and cosmetics. Talk about eye-opening! This site even tells you what the toxic ingredients in your product have been linked to, such as:

  • Cancer
  • Developmental/reproductive toxicity (YIKES!!!)
  • Allergies/immunotoxicity
  • Other concerns such as: Neurotoxicity, Endocrine disruption, Organ system toxicity (non-reproductive), Irritation (skin, eyes, or lungs), Enhanced skin absorption, Biochemical or cellular level changes

Changes on the cellular level???!!! Neurotoxicity??? Are you shitting me??? I have now trashed about half the products in my make up drawer, much to my relief and dismay (make up is NOT cheap). Fortunately my new foundation from Shu Uemera is a 3 (on a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being no toxicity at all), but all of my blushes were a 9!!! My new Shu Uemera eyeshadows are a 7, which isn't THAT terrible, but do I really want that so close to my eyeballs?! I'm compromising and saving those for special occasions...gimme a break, I just bought them two months ago!

Fortunately my moisturizers and lotions are all in the 2-4 range, but I had to throw out my hair stuff. Oh well, I've been looking for an excuse to treat myself to L'Occitane shampoo and conditioner anyways (they are each a 3, yay)! While my toothpaste is safe (thank god), I have not yet had the guts to look up my lip glosses (because you ingest that shit every time you lick your lips) or my deodorant.

Like I said, it's a sickness. Really, I can't help it, I need to know!!! Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss, and I really wasn't sure I wanted to know. But, at least I am now armed with a tool to make better informed decisions going forward!


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