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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Pardon Me, Have We Gone Out?

About a year ago, girl meets boy, friend gives boy the girl's phone number, boy calls girl and asks her out. We went on what I thought was a really good date - we went for a nice dinner, walked around exploring the neighborhood and talking, stopped for dessert, walked around some more to talk and get to know each other, he gave me a big hug at the end of the night, said he'd call me the next day...and I never heard from him again.

Recently, I bumped into him. And he didn't recognize me. I was shocked. We talked, he did the whole, "it's been a long time..." -thing, and we made small talk, but I swear, by the end of the conversation, I still wasn't sure if he figured out who I was. Am I that forgettable???!!!

It's not like we met on a stupid drunken night and had a quick encounter or a one-night stand. We went on a six hour date!!! I'm trying to not take it personally, but this is definitely a hit to the ego.

Oh well...you can't win them all!


Friday, May 21, 2010

For Love or Money

I passed a couple on the street today - a lithe, hip, gorgeous 20-something Asian girl on the arm of a 60+ Caucasian gentleman. And he definitely was not her grandpa. I don't get it.

Actually, who am I to judge, right? But seriously, how does that work? You see that walking down the street and it just screams SUGAR DADDY. But for all I know, they have major intellectual/cerebral chemistry. It's possible...right?

I mean, there's someone out there for everyone, so maybe he's her someone and vice versa. There's no explaining chemistry. But then I started to wonder, could I be in a relationship like that? Not likely. Alternatively, could I be in a relationship where I was the breadwinner (again)?

Based on past experience, my knee-jerk reaction is a big, resounding NO. I have no problem being with someone who makes less than me, but significantly less? My experience is that it emasculated my partner, and he started to treat me not so nicely. It sucked. You think that sharing is helping, but it just made the whole situation worse and worse and worse, until it simply broke.

And in hindsight, I get it. It was a whole male ego thing - he felt that being supported by his girlfriend made him less of a man. But what was the alternative? I wanted to stand by my man, and I couldn't stand by and watch him in pain.

Or maybe I should have. I gave and gave, until I had nothing left to give. Emotionally, that is. I spent so much time looking after him and taking care of him and making sure his feelings would be okay, that one day I woke up and realized, who's looking after my needs? Who's making sure I'm okay? I certainly wasn't, and had forgotten that I even had wants and needs that weren't his. It sucked, and it hurt, but I realized I had to focus on myself and get myself out of the hole if I wanted a semblance of a happy life. It felt so selfish, but like I said, even I wasn't looking out for me.

So on the flip side, would I date a sugar daddy? No, even if I could not be an equal contributor, then at least I would need to be a contributor. But I do want babies, and I would love to be able to stay home with them for at least the first few years of their lives. And that's impossible if your partner's income can't support it. Children are expensive. New York is expensive. How do people do it in this city? Yes, you make sacrifices, save up, and budget. Everyone doesn't live a Sex & the City lifestyle, I get it. Money is useless without love. But love without money is...stressful. I've seen my parents go through it...not fun.

Sigh...is it possible to have it all???


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Battle Between the Sexes Continues

I came across an article today that sheds yet another ray of light on what makes men, well, men. Seems being around a gorgeous woman could be harmful to a man's health!!!

I'd be curious to read the actual statistics behind this study, but according to the University of Valencia, being around a beautiful woman can cause a man to release the stress hormone, cortisol. According to the article, cortisol can be a factor in heart disease, diabetes, erectile dysfunction (oh so that's why it happens sometimes!!!), depression and high blood pressure. So they weren't kidding when they said looks can kill, huh?

Does a beautiful woman make you nervous, gentlemen? Insecure? Hyper-sensitive? Anxious...?

This reminds me of a scene in one of my favorite movies, Beautiful Girls, where Michael Rapaport's character goes on a diatribe about supermodels and beautiful women:

"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high, full of the single greatest commodity known to man, promise. The promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular ore can be found the gate of a beautiful girl. In her smile, and in her soul...in the way she makes every rotten little thing in life seem like it's gonna be okay."

He goes on to call beautiful girls "hope dancing in stiletto heels, and all-powerful, which is as good as love."

Really??? Is that how men view us? It all seemed so...promising until that last line!

Gentlemen...we are not objects. We are feeling, thinking, vulnerable souls who love and want to be loved. The vulnerable girl inside of me wants to be taken and protected, but I don't want to be on a pedestal like that. I know now that there is no living up to that fantasy. Just...take me and love me. It's as simple as that.

Hmm...it may be time to get back in the dating game again, see if we can find the right dancing partner to glide with me across this dance floor we call earth...

But back to the article, what does a beautiful woman make you feel?


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