Potential Jesus Freak, Part II

We left off the other day at the end of my first date with the Potential Jesus Freak. Honestly, in spite of the premature revelation about his love of God, I had a good time. He made me laugh, conversation flowed easily, he seemed fun!

After our date, we continued to talk and email, getting to know one another. This whole experience taught me it really IS good to take your time getting to know someone. No more rushing into things, especially into bed, for me. Date #2 was that...interesting!

We went out to dinner for our second date, and it was nice. Again, great conversation, good food. The after-dinner conversation, however, was a whole other story. As soon as we walked out of the resto, we started walking around and the first thing he asked me was, "So Chloe, tell me something about yourself I don't already know."

I stood there, thinking to myself, was that a real question??? What does he need to know RIGHT NOW that he can't learn naturally over the course of time? I was stumped. I hate questions like that - the questioner tries to make it seem spontaneous but they're really not. So I'm wracking my brain, trying to think of something, anything that's not a stupid mundane or routine factoid. And the only thing I can think of is, "Well...I did a lot of partying and drugs in my early 20's, therefore I don't remember most of that period of my life, but I can confidently say I had a lot of fun"?

(Yes, this is what comes out of my mouth when put on the spot and asked stupid questions like that.)

Him: Oh, okay...and where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Now I'm starting to feel all the fun sucked out of me and getting kind of annoyed. This was starting to feel like a job interview. I know some people approach dating that way, but I don't. I think of a date as a chance to go out with someone new, have a good time, and at the same time, get to know each other. But the ultimate goal of the night should be FUN, not to run through a checklist of questions. I thought these must be his standard second date questions, and was wondering when he was going to hand me my sealed test packet and #2 pencil. Is the whole test comprised of essay questions, or will there be multiple choice too?

And who asks that question, anyway? I guess I'm more of a live for the day kind of person. I don't even know where I'll be 10 days from now, much less 10 years! But again, this is why you should never shit where you eat. I couldn't blow him off because he was a client, so the utmost diplomacy had to be employed here.

Me: Well, I guess I'm not really much of a planner, so who knows where I'll be 10 years from now. All I can say is I'll probably still be living here in the city, because I don't want to live anywhere else. Hopefully I'll be a little more settled, and hopefully a little bit smarter.

Him: What do you mean by settled?

Me: (Barely disguised rolling eyes) Well, I don't want to live in a studio apartment forever, so I'd like a bigger apartment.

Him: Does bigger apartment mean settled to you???

Me: Of course it's a part of it. I would hope to be with someone down the line and therefore need a bigger apartment. Do I want to settle down? Of course, eventually. But only with the right man. I'm not going to settle with someone just to be married and have kids because it's what's "supposed" to happen.

Him: And what did you mean by smarter?

Me: (Jesus Christ, is he taking notes???) Well, hopefully you learn something new every day, and if I'm still alive 10 years from now, hopefully I will have retained some of the lessons I've learned along the way! (Like never to go out with you again after tonight!!!)

Him: So what do you pursue in life, Chloe?

Me: (Now I'm really losing my patience) *sigh* That's a very broad question, what do you mean?

Him: Well it's your life, what do you pursue?!

Me: Oh God...I pursue lots of things. Let's see...I pursue...money. I pursue career growth. I pursue good relationships, whether it's with friends, family, what-have-you. I pursue...fun...and I pursue enlightenment.

Him: And what does enlightenment mean to you?

AHA!!! There was my window to make sure he would NEVER want to ask me on another date again!

Me: Well, as a non-religious person who doesn't believe in organized religion at all...To me, enlightenment means awareness of self, the universe, and having awareness of how those energies correlate to one another. While I don't believe in God, I am spiritual. I do believe there is a higher being or maybe even beings out there. And if there is a God and he's omnipotent like religions say he is, then he knew I would be secular, so he should be okay with it. I don't think he'd care if l'il ole me in this whole entire universe decided not to pray or go to church to worship him or her. I'm pretty sure there are other things going on out there.

Him: But you have to agree there is sin. And that there needs to be forgiveness of sin. I think God requires a personal relationship with each and every one of us.

Me: No, I don't believe in the concept of sin, or confession. I believe in being a good person and think of life in terms of right and wrong, and if you have wronged, you only need to ask yourself and the party or parties you've wronged for forgiveness. As long as you've asked them for forgiveness, the rest is about how you reconcile within yourself, the universe as a whole, and whatever energy you put out there to the world.

Him: And what would enlightenment mean to you if you were religious?

Me: (He just DOESNT give up, does he?) I can't answer that question.

Him: Why not?

Me: Because I'm NOT religious. I would never even attempt to assume to know what enlightenment meant to a religious person. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in organized religion. I think organized religion was created to control people through fear and judgement. I think religion is the cause of almost all our wars. I don't equate enlightenment with religion, I can't answer that question for you.

At this point, I was really tired of the Spanish Inquisition and didn't feel like talking anymore. I figured it's time for him to answer a question or two, to give me a break from talking so I can figure out how I can bow out gracefully and go home to do something fun, like laundry.

Me: So what about you, what do you pursue in life?

Him: Well, I pursue one thing and one thing only. Everything else in my life just supports that one thing.

So this is how NON-religious I am, I was thinking he's going to say true love...maybe family...or even possibly career. No. Of course none of those answers were right, dumb-ass.

Him: ...And that one thing is God.

Me: (HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. Is he serious??? Don't make a face, don't run, keep him talking so you can keep thinking about how to get the hell out of here! How the hell did this guy get on the island of Manhattan? Who talks like this here???) Wow...really...huh...and...how does pursuing job promotions and advancement in your career help you with your pursuit of God?

My mind was reeling. In hindsight, I know I should have expected that answer, but I'll admit, I was dumb. That answer REALLY threw me off guard! I honestly don't even know what his response was because I was in such shock. I just kept hmm-mmm-ing and nodding at random intervals, which I guess worked because he kept talking and talking.

At this point I wasn't sure if I was doing a good job of quelling his interest or not. Did he think he could try to save my soul, and deliver me to his Lord and Saviour??? I just wanted to go home and put this behind me. So I started yawning. And yawned some more. Conversation about religion and my non-religiousness continued, so I got desperate and actually told him I'm more likely to believe the evidence and theories that aliens dropped off our ancestors in Egypt to populate the world than I believe in the story of Adam and Eve. Yes, I basically told him I would be willing to be a Scientologist. Have you seen that show Ancient Aliens on the History Channel? Very interesting and compelling theories!

That emphatic statement, coupled with all my yawning finally did the trick. He asked me if I was tired, gave me a hug, hailed me a cab and I was on my way home. He didn't send me the standard follow up text, never called to say he had a good time, thank God (if there is a God). And a week later, I started working with his counterpart at the client site instead of him. Thankfully he was a mature adult and we were friendly, but nothing more. Phew! Could you imagine if we had actually kissed or something? YUCK.

That was an extremely painful reminder that one should never shit where they eat. Lesson re-learned! I will never, ever, EVER go out with a client again!!!

Share |

Potential Jesus Freak, Part I

A few years ago, I broke one of my own cardinal rules by agreeing to go out with a client. He got under my skin slowly, and before I knew it, I was intrigued. It all started with random phone calls about minor issues that really could have been handled by tech support, then follow up emails and follow up emails to my follow up emails...at first I thought it was cute that he had a crush on me, but as the communication became more frequent, I guess he hooked me somewhere along the way. Hey, the guy made me laugh. A LOT.

Fortunately, because I thought it was so funny and cute at first, my boss knew about the increased communication, and was actually all in favor of a pairing. So when he called to ask me out to brunch, I agreed. I figured, my boss knows and approves, so why not? My ass is covered. You hear about successful relationships where the couple met at work, so maybe it could happen to me too, right?

He was quite the gentleman, and would always ask for permission to call me in the evening or over the weekend. He was extremely attentive during conversation, never interrupted, and really listened. Our interaction and conversations up to the first date were really positive and I was excited about the upcoming date. Maybe I had finally met a funny, great, normal guy!

We agreed to brunch on a spring Saturday, and we had a great meal at Freemans. He loved food just as much as I did, which was a huge plus. He wasn't too into sports, another plus. Loved music and going to live shows, plus. Loves to travel. This guy was looking better and better as we progressed. He was very close to his parents and family, but they all lived in the midwest - BONUS.

Brunch led to a walk around downtown. We were having a really good time, talking and window shopping. We started talking about life in NYC, how there's so much to do, and he mentioned there's a lot he would like to do but hasn't yet because he hasn't found the right partner, like museums, the beach, the caribbean, etc. How cute, he just wants a playmate, right? He tells me he hasn't had that many girlfriends up to this point, because he has been patiently waiting for the right girl to come along. A bit sappy and a little too Nicholas Sparks-inspired, but still cute.

I asked why doesn't he do these things (vacations, museums, concerts, etc.) with his friends, and apparently they're pretty much all married and have kids. Of course we start to talk about his friends more, and he mentions that he has met most of them at his church.

Pause...

Me: Do you go to church often?

Him: If I'm in town, yes, every Sunday.

Me: Oh...um, are you religious?

Him: I've been back and forth with the Methodist church, but recently I've become more involved and have been seeking a relationship with God again. Are you?

Me: No, not at all, I'm spiritual, but not religious. At all. Actually, I don't believe in organized religion. At all.

Him: But you have to agree that there is sin and that we need to be forgiven for our sins.

Me: (This is way too deep for a first date, time to change the subject.) Hmmm...yeah...I can respect that view. So, in all your travels with work, what was your favorite city in the world???

The rest of the date went fairly well, considering that little blip. But I have to admit I was a bit worried about the whole church and religious thing. Not that I can't respect another person's views, and it wasn't a deal-breaker for me, but I did feel like I needed to keep an eye on it. Like, if this progressed into a relationship, would he expect me to wake up early on Sunday and go to church with him? Because there was no way in hell that was happening. More likely that I'd tell him not to wake me on his way out! And if I met his friends, would they think I'm bad because I take pole dance classes and own stripper heels? And what about the fact that I have potty mouth? Do I have to try to reign that in?

The odd thing is, if he had told me he was Jewish and religious, it wouldn't have bothered me in the least. Maybe it's because I'm from Brooklyn, and therefore am a quarter Jewish by default...? Or maybe it's because I grew up in a Christian church and that experience has made me especially weary of Christians in general...?

Again, Jewish, no problem. And Catholic probably wouldn't have bothered me too much either. But Methodist...? I don't know. I get that some people go to church for the sense of community. But based on our conversation, it led me to believe he was looking for way more than community. It's not often you meet a religious, practicing Methodist in NYC. At least, not in my travels. Where do they hang out? Besides church, that is.

Who knows...as always, I was trying to keep an open mind about it all and not pass judgement. Maybe I could respect his views, and he could respect mine, right? Also, I didn't want to offend my client, even if we were both mature adults about everything. (Now I remember why it was my cardinal rule. Never shit where you eat, Chloe!!!)

Stay tuned, and we'll see what happens next, when I tell you about date #2!

Share |