When you're on a first date that is complete dullsville, or maybe it's not a total loss, but you know you don't have any interest in a second, how do you handle it? Do you say you'll call and then just don't? Or do you go the other route and say, "Call me", but then ignore all his follow up calls? Or, do you tell him the truth and say, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that into you"?
Is it mean, to be so honest? Okay, maybe the last example was too honest, but you get my what I'm saying here.
I have a speech...a first date "Let-Down" speech. It's pretty well-rehearsed by now, and has been fine-tuned over the last few years. It's gentle, kind, but very clear. I believe in respect, honesty, and not wasting anyone's time (mine or theirs). But I'm also not interested in wasting my energy avoiding phone calls or lying to people. It's just not my thing. I only deliver the "speech" as needed, and have learned to be careful with it. I've learned that honesty is a rare, and therefore, very powerful thing!
So it goes something like this: if I'm on a date and just not feeling any cha-cha, I'll stay for 1, maybe 2 drinks max, which should be about an hour or so. I figure that's long enough to be polite, and if he isn't terribly boring or a major asshole, not too much time has been lost. I'm in sales, so I can pretty much talk to anybody. Plus, I find people interesting, so sometimes it can be quite entertaining, and I can almost always find a reason to laugh!
After a fair amount of time has passed, I'll start winding it down, saying that I need to be getting home and that it's a busy week for me so I can't be out late (usually pretty true on a school night, I ALWAYS schedule first dates on school nights so there is an automatic exit strategy). As we walk out of the bar, restaurant, or wherever, if, and only if he starts to allude to a second date, like, "This was fun, we should do this again sometime..." Then I feel it's only fair to not play games and be honest with him, so I deliver my speech, and it goes something like this:
"I had very a nice time talking and getting to know you tonight, thank you so much. I definitely would want to hang out again as friends, but I just don't think there is any chemistry here, I'm sorry."
Is that too harsh? You'd be surprised at some of the reactions I've gotten.
One guy, let's call him Dragon Breath, practically ran into traffic to get away from me after the speech because he was so shocked. I have to admit, it wasn't exactly an Academy Award winning performance, but he had MAJOR dragon breath, and he was going in for a kiss, so I totally panicked and kind of just blurted it out. I couldn't help it, it was a knee-jerk reaction, really! It was either that, or let him kiss me and puke all over him, it was THAT BAD!!!
Next time I'm in a similar situation, I'll tell him I don't kiss on the first date, and THEN deliver the speech, would that be better?
3 comments:
rofl Fortunately I'm married so I don't have to worry about this anymore. In fact, I've been with my husband since before I really even had a cell phone for texting, to dump people that way. Which my 16 year old daughter hates by the way. Apparently, boys who do that are pieces of crap. But I can certainly see the attraction. I've had a few boyfriends I would have liked to just send a text telling them to bite me.
LOL @ Aunt! I love it!
Chloe, I think you have the right idea here. I love the speech. I, like most women, have dated different people and thought things were going great, only to never hear from the guy again and wonder what I did wrong. I would have loved to just hear "I don't feel the chemistry" rather than "I'll call you".
I think you are genius Chloe...changing the dating game, one speech at a time :)
You know what word I think needs to be used more? Douchebag. I'm gonna start a revival for it!
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