Has dating changed much over the decades?
JO said an interesting thing to me the other day - he said that modern dating has made things harder for both sides. Men have to be everything and more, as do women. Very true, but is that really any different than it used to be?
Women always had to be Betty Crocker at home. Men always had to be...well, men. Now we're expected to be the modern versions of each.
It's obvious that gender roles have changed over the years. Women want to be more empowered, and men have learned to respect that (we hope). Women have a need to be self-sufficient and independent...and men need to figure out the dance of backing off but know when to be there as needed.
But how has that affected dating in today's day and age?
Do we want dinners paid for us? Do we want to chip in? Should there be a give and take?
Where is the How-To for all this? I know there are tons of dating books out there, but which to follow, if at all??? Is it all a case-by-case basis?
I suppose if you were really old fashioned, everything should be on the man's shoulders. He plans the date, picks her up, pays for drinks, pays for dinner, the movie, pay for bowling, etc. But in a city like New York, where everything is so expensive, is that fair?
In a time where women expect to be treated fairly, should we chip in at least a little?
I've said that I'm not a feminist. Honestly, I like being taken care of. I like being treated to a special night out. I like getting flowers, helped with the car door and my coat. But I also enjoy being able to chip in a little, to show my appreciation for a great night.
Hmm...I'm obviously all mixed up here...any thoughts people?
4 comments:
I think that it kind of depends on a lot of factors. I honestly don't think I'd keep going out with a guy who didn't at least try to pay for the first date. If you really really like the guy, and think you'll go out again, I think it's ok to graciously accept it if they want to pick up the check. If you don't like them, and don't think you'll see them again, I think it's just courteous to pay your share. That way you don't look feel like you just went out with them for a free dinner. (Or get accused of it by them later when you don't accept a second date.) I am still a little old fashioned myself, I guess. Once a relationship is established and you are dating long term, it's ok to allow them to pay for everything, with a limit. If you expect him to take you out 3 or 4 times a week, well that might strain the budget for him a little and he may resent it. However, one night out a week is acceptable. And maybe the other nights you either chip in if you want to go out more, or do something cheaper like rent a movie and cook dinner together. Obviously this is assuming there isn't a huge disparity in pay scale. If he's a starving artist type, maybe you could be a little more lenient on who pays for what.
Thanks Aunt Juicy (oh, I hope that was okay to rename you!)! I try to stay away from the starving artists these days - way too many fashion photographers in my past, I learned my lesson the hard way!!!
But I think I need to take it on a case by case basis. Like, if he picked the resto, then he knows what he's getting into. But if we go out for coffee or a drink after, I can certainly offer to pay if things are going well!
If this were the 1950's, I'd know exactly what I think on this issue.
I'm merely confused by it all in 2009.
Actually, when I married, I found it very hard to merge our money as I was independent for a total of 9 whole months before we married.
See, it's just not clear cut or easy!!!
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