Getting to Know You

Whenever I start to date someone new, I always wonder when or even if, I should tell them about my pole dance classes. I mean, if it goes beyond a few dates, it's something that's going to come out sooner or later, so why not get it out there early? But, do I really want to give the guy the wrong impression? Actually, now that I think about it, what kind of impression does it give???

The thing is, if you tell a guy, and he's not totally lecherous about it, that's a good sign that he's not a pig, so it's a good weeding out tool. Obviously, if he acts like an idiot about it, well, then it's obvious that he's an immature ass and should therefore be kicked to the curb. Easy enough, right?

The whole topic usually comes up when the conversation turns to what you like to do in your spare time, and for myself and the men I tend to meet, the gym, yoga or running pretty much always comes into the mix. So that leads to more questions: what do you like to do when you work out, how often do you go, etc. More often than not, the conversation goes something like this:

Him: So what do you do to workout?

Me: Oh you know, the usual - cardio and weights at the gym, some yoga, and dance classes, stuff like that.

Him: What kind of dance classes, ballet or ballroom or something?

Me: No, kind of like a modern dance.

Him: What type of modern dance?

Me: Well, really it's a pole dance class.

Him: ...pole classes? You mean...like...stripper classes???!!!!

At that point, if they're pigs and/or not too bright, a huge cheshire grin will start to appear. So I have to explain that no, it's not stripper classes. None of the teachers, or even any students, in the school are strippers, they're all professional career-women or housewives who do it for themselves, their self-confidence, or to shake things up in their workout routine. Then I explain how S Factor started out, and it's philosophy. I emphasize that men aren't allowed in the studio, that it's a very nurturing environment, and almost like a sanctuary, and how it's extremely women-centric. I also explain that it's dancing for gratification of the self, rather than for the gratification of men, and that it's something I truly do for me, for the workout, and because I enjoy it so much.

They eventually get it, but they still have that little fantasy playing in their head. And why wouldn't they, it's only natural. It doesn't mean they'll get to see the fantasy come true though! Unless I'm really digging the guy, I don't even bother to get into the fact that I have a pole in my apartment anymore, that just opens up a a huge can of worms!!!

Then there are the guys who just don't know what the hell to do with the fact that I can pole dance. No interest in it whatsoever, don't want to hear about it and really don't want to see any of the new moves I've learned lately...those guys are kind of weird too.

I asked a few friends for their opinion about it the other day, and the feedback I got kinda surprised me.

B said why not lay it out there and see their first reaction. If they can't handle it, then they can't handle me. And, if I think he's an idiot, just say it for shock value and for fun. This is kind of how I've been approaching it these last few years. I have to admit, the reactions I get can be amusing!

C chimed in that it was too much info for a first date. And that, in his opinion, it would be just like asking what your favorite position is on the first date. C's opinion shocked the hell out me, are my class THAT big of a deal??? Have I become completely jaded to its shock factor?

My sister said I don't want to give the wrong impression, so I should lie if exercise comes up, but that's a bad idea on so many levels. You can't start out lying right away, where could that possibly go?!

And once again, what is this impression that people get when they learn about my classes, anyways?

J had GREAT advice. She suggested I keep it under my hat, wait to see if they make it to the fifth date or so, then just mention it casually one day, like a very blase, "oh, didn't I already tell you???". That way, I'm keeping him on his toes just when he thinks he's got me figured out, and I'll be even sexier than he already thinks. Plus, it's honest, I'm open about it, and it's just a part of my life. No big deal. If I downplay it, I'll seem super cool.

I liked J's perspective on it. Plus, the 34-year old, more mature me is trying not to let my libido make my decisions anymore because it just gets me in trouble. So keeping the classes under my hat until I REALLY get to know a guy seems like the smarter thing to do. J always find a way to get things just right, she's awesome like that.

But I have to come back to my other question... I realize that while I think it's a perfectly normal hobby and this is just me, doing my thang, not everyone is as open-minded. I'm not really one to care what people think of me, but this has me very curious for some reason...

Tell me, what do my classes make people think???

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