Fortune Cookies and Men

Beware of The Repeaters!!!

2010-06-21T22:37:00.001-04:00

The way some people approach online dating thing absolutely boggles my mind. Yes, I'm back in the saddle again. I figure it's time - I want to find someone to share my life with, and I'm just not meeting anyone out there, you know?

So I reactivated my account, did a little search, and let me tell you...slim pickings. Oye. I haven't been that active, but as a woman in the online dating world, you don't really have to do much work. Post your profile and a pic, and the emails and winks will come. You won't necessarily always like what you see, but weed through it all and you never know. Hey, it worked for me last time, right?

But what amazes me is how many repeaters I've been getting. I mean, if I didn't want to talk to you or go out with you before, what makes you think I would this time around??? I wonder if they know they're repeats. I mean, if I remember their picture, wouldn't they...?

Unfortunately, some of them do remember. For example, I once went on a date with a guy I met online, and it was by far one of the worst dates ever. This guy had to have been one of the most narcissistic, self-absorbed men I've ever met in my life. I have no proof of this, but he just seemed like one of those guys who was always checking himself out in the mirror and blowing himself little kisses. I realize it all must have been a mechanism to mask deep insecurity, but that's an issue for his therapist to resolve.

The dinner started off pleasant enough, but as it progressed, he dominated the conversation with talk of himself, his Mercedes, his apartments, his businesses and how they were nothing until he came on board, etc. It was excruciating. He did pause on occasion, but only to ask, "That's impressive, right?" or, "That's a lot of money, right?". And he asked those questions more than once!

Needless to say, as we were saying good bye and he asked for a second date, I gave him my famous, "I'm sorry, you're very nice but I don't think there's any chemistry here" speech. He didn't take it very well once he got over his shock and as I sped away in my cab. He blew up my phone with texts telling me that I really know how to make a guy feel good about himself and stuff like that. I tried ignoring them, but he just kept texting, so I finally told him I was very sorry he felt that way, and while I did enjoy talking to him, I would rather be honest than waste his time. Of course the jackass had to have the last word so he replied and said, "You're right, there wasn't any chemistry, I felt it." Whatever, dude.

So imagine my surprise when here we are over two years later, and I suddenly get an email via the dating site that says in the subject, "How is Zoe?" and in the body of the message, one of those "long time no speak, let's go out sometime" emails. I clicked on the profile to see who in the world it was and how he knew my beloved dog, Zoe, and OH MY GOD. It was him...The Narcissist. I couldn't believe it. What in the world made him think I would want to speak with him, let alone go out with him again??? Talk about delusional! I didn't even bother replying, just deleted the message, and hoped he would get the message.

Apparently not. A week later, I got a follow up email, asking me, "Why the ignore???"

DELETED and BLOCKED!

The Therapy Session

2010-06-11T00:31:00.001-04:00

I had an interesting date tonight...to say the least. It was...um...entertaining. Hehe

It was my first totally blind date, luckily, he was a good looking guy! A little older, 44, but he was in great shape, had all his hair, he was funny and seemed nice. We spoke on the phone for a bit last night, and had a really good conversation. We got to know each other a little, laughed, made a date for tonight...I was looking forward to it and was excited!

Our reservations were for 8:30 at one of my favorite sushi spots, Kanoyama. If you can get there, GO. The sushi is amazing!!! He showed up almost 20 minutes late, and didn't text me to let me know he was running late until I had text him to let him know I had arrived and was sitting at the bar. Not an ideal start, but whatever.

Since it was a restaurant I was familiar with, he asked that I do the ordering, which I was fine with, but then he proceeded to give me a laundry list of his likes and dislikes. I didn't know how to keep up with it, he just rattled it all off! I was like, well it sounds like you know what you want, so why am I doing the ordering...? We were talking, so I really didn't get to look at the day's menu, but we ordered an app as soon as we sat down, and continued our conversation, menu forgotten. When our app came, he told the waitress to hold on, we'd like to order, and started to eat the appetizer while I had to quickly figure out what to order! I don't know...maybe I'm old fashioned, but I believe it's nice to wait until everyone is ready before you begin eating, don't you? Sigh.

He was a nice man, he really was. And very funny. I guess there was just no cha-cha. He talked about his last girlfriend...a lot. He told me how long they dated, how tough the break up was (and they only broke up a month ago, btw), how he loved her but she just wasn't the ONE, why they broke up, etc. He would say she was a wonderful girl and had nothing bad to say about her, and in the next breath say that he's glad they're not together anymore because she's crazy. He told me about his post-divorce transition relationship, how he's looking for love...yes, I was starting to feel like a therapist.

I didn't do much of the talking, now that I look back at the evening. He didn't ask many questions. Maybe he was nervous...? I asked him at one point if he had any pets, and the answer was no, that he's divorced and sharing custody, so he's getting to the point where he wants to be free to do what he wants, but he does think that cats are easier, but that having a dog is like having a down's syndrome baby. People, I was SHOCKED. I didn't know what to say! Who says stuff like that???!!! Even if I wasn't a huge animal lover, isn't that just...offensive????

It was just an odd evening. I did laugh a lot though. I wondered if he had ADHD or something. There were a few times throughout the evening when we were talking about one thing, and just as I was about to start saying something, he would interrupt and make some off-hand comment (almost to himself) about something we had spoken about far earlier in the evening. And each time I said in my head, "am I here???" It was like he wasn't...present.

Like I said, there were some moments that were just weird. Ah well...another funny story to share with you all! ;)

A New Milestone - Tick Tock

2010-06-01T20:07:00.001-04:00

I turned 35 this weekend. I am now officially in my mid-thirties. Next year I will be even closer to my 40's.

Wow.

Thankfully, I still look like I'm in my late twenties. I even got bum-rushed to be carded the night of my birthday (I guess the bouncer thought I was trying to sneak in)! But the fact is, I'm NOT in my 20's, or even early 30's anymore. You're only as old as you feel, right? Thankfully, I feel pretty damn good! And, I'm still young at heart (and hopefully always will be!!!)

But today it suddenly hit me...my eggs are getting old. It hit me hard. I don't know why or where it came from, but that thought just kept popping in my head throughout the day. It was depressing as hell. I realized that in 2 years, the viability of my eggs will be seriously questionable. I know that women today are having babies later and later, but even if I am able to get pregnant a few years from now, the chances of having a baby with Downs syndrome are increased. That's another fact I can't ignore or talk myself out of.

Nothing could get me out of this endless thought cycle today. I thought I was going to start crying...at work! My girlfriend (who is 32 years old) tried to empathize and said we're in the same boat, but we're not. It's not the same when you're 32 - at 32 it's a niggling thought, a fear for the future. At 35, it's a biological and physical reality that is even more amplified when you're single with no decent prospects. The thing that kills me is, I'm only 83% sure I want babies, and I would be perfectly happy to adopt, but this fact, this reality is just THERE.

And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Regardless of how young I still look, as great as I still feel...no matter how well I eat and how good I am to my body and how often I work out, the fact is, I'm aging, and there is a window that is getting smaller and smaller.

Oh sure, I can freeze my eggs, I know that. But even if I go that route now, there's still no guarantee that IVF will work later on. And just because my eggs would be frozen in time doesn't mean my body and I will!

When I was in my 20's and early 30's, I didn't even want kids. The idea of having children actually gave me a physical reaction, and seeing pregnant women walking down the street made me glad it was them and not me. Then one day, I read a book that made me cry. Really, this is how I changed my mind about the whole baby thing. There was a scene in Emily Giffin's "Something Blue", where the main character, who treated her pregnancy as a fabulous modern city girl's fashion accessory, had a scare with the babies. The whole range of emotions she went through - the fear, the relief, and then finally realizing that she felt love for them actually made me want to experience pregnancy and have babies. A fucking chick-lit book did this to me!!! I remember it like it was yesterday, I was reading and crying, and all I could think was, I want to feel this kind of love, I need to experience this!

And here I am today. At least my Mom skipped the "you're not getting any younger" speech this year. Thanks Mom!

Pardon Me, Have We Gone Out?

2010-05-23T13:48:00.000-04:00

About a year ago, girl meets boy, friend gives boy the girl's phone number, boy calls girl and asks her out. We went on what I thought was a really good date - we went for a nice dinner, walked around exploring the neighborhood and talking, stopped for dessert, walked around some more to talk and get to know each other, he gave me a big hug at the end of the night, said he'd call me the next day...and I never heard from him again.

Recently, I bumped into him. And he didn't recognize me. I was shocked. We talked, he did the whole, "it's been a long time..." -thing, and we made small talk, but I swear, by the end of the conversation, I still wasn't sure if he figured out who I was. Am I that forgettable???!!!

It's not like we met on a stupid drunken night and had a quick encounter or a one-night stand. We went on a six hour date!!! I'm trying to not take it personally, but this is definitely a hit to the ego.

Oh well...you can't win them all!

For Love or Money

2010-05-21T02:18:00.001-04:00

I passed a couple on the street today - a lithe, hip, gorgeous 20-something Asian girl on the arm of a 60+ Caucasian gentleman. And he definitely was not her grandpa. I don't get it.

Actually, who am I to judge, right? But seriously, how does that work? You see that walking down the street and it just screams SUGAR DADDY. But for all I know, they have major intellectual/cerebral chemistry. It's possible...right?

I mean, there's someone out there for everyone, so maybe he's her someone and vice versa. There's no explaining chemistry. But then I started to wonder, could I be in a relationship like that? Not likely. Alternatively, could I be in a relationship where I was the breadwinner (again)?

Based on past experience, my knee-jerk reaction is a big, resounding NO. I have no problem being with someone who makes less than me, but significantly less? My experience is that it emasculated my partner, and he started to treat me not so nicely. It sucked. You think that sharing is helping, but it just made the whole situation worse and worse and worse, until it simply broke.

And in hindsight, I get it. It was a whole male ego thing - he felt that being supported by his girlfriend made him less of a man. But what was the alternative? I wanted to stand by my man, and I couldn't stand by and watch him in pain.

Or maybe I should have. I gave and gave, until I had nothing left to give. Emotionally, that is. I spent so much time looking after him and taking care of him and making sure his feelings would be okay, that one day I woke up and realized, who's looking after my needs? Who's making sure I'm okay? I certainly wasn't, and had forgotten that I even had wants and needs that weren't his. It sucked, and it hurt, but I realized I had to focus on myself and get myself out of the hole if I wanted a semblance of a happy life. It felt so selfish, but like I said, even I wasn't looking out for me.

So on the flip side, would I date a sugar daddy? No, even if I could not be an equal contributor, then at least I would need to be a contributor. But I do want babies, and I would love to be able to stay home with them for at least the first few years of their lives. And that's impossible if your partner's income can't support it. Children are expensive. New York is expensive. How do people do it in this city? Yes, you make sacrifices, save up, and budget. Everyone doesn't live a Sex & the City lifestyle, I get it. Money is useless without love. But love without money is...stressful. I've seen my parents go through it...not fun.

Sigh...is it possible to have it all???

The Battle Between the Sexes Continues

2010-05-11T22:39:00.000-04:00

I came across an article today that sheds yet another ray of light on what makes men, well, men. Seems being around a gorgeous woman could be harmful to a man's health!!!

I'd be curious to read the actual statistics behind this study, but according to the University of Valencia, being around a beautiful woman can cause a man to release the stress hormone, cortisol. According to the article, cortisol can be a factor in heart disease, diabetes, erectile dysfunction (oh so that's why it happens sometimes!!!), depression and high blood pressure. So they weren't kidding when they said looks can kill, huh?

Does a beautiful woman make you nervous, gentlemen? Insecure? Hyper-sensitive? Anxious...?

This reminds me of a scene in one of my favorite movies, Beautiful Girls, where Michael Rapaport's character goes on a diatribe about supermodels and beautiful women:

"A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high, full of the single greatest commodity known to man, promise. The promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular ore can be found the gate of a beautiful girl. In her smile, and in her soul...in the way she makes every rotten little thing in life seem like it's gonna be okay."

He goes on to call beautiful girls "hope dancing in stiletto heels, and all-powerful, which is as good as love."

Really??? Is that how men view us? It all seemed so...promising until that last line!

Gentlemen...we are not objects. We are feeling, thinking, vulnerable souls who love and want to be loved. The vulnerable girl inside of me wants to be taken and protected, but I don't want to be on a pedestal like that. I know now that there is no living up to that fantasy. Just...take me and love me. It's as simple as that.

Hmm...it may be time to get back in the dating game again, see if we can find the right dancing partner to glide with me across this dance floor we call earth...

But back to the article, what does a beautiful woman make you feel?

Time to Say That I Am...Me

2010-04-29T19:13:00.000-04:00

I often write about my two halves - my Chinese self, and my American self. Most of my life has been spent trying to figure out which half is guiding me, and honestly, it's been a struggle for me. I've always felt like a woman stuck between two worlds.

I think there has always been the part of me who has felt the need to be "Chinese" enough to please my parents. The need to feel like I have a culture, a heritage. Yet I was raised here, as an American, and as an extremely independent person who embraces uniqueness. I have never quite fit in anyone's mold. Thank God!

And now I wonder...why do I feel this need to question myself? Why has it been so difficult for me to accept myself as I am? Why do I need to see it as a split?

My trip to Bali was a quest for healing, rejuvenation and revelation. And during my quest, I decided to stop questioning it all and just love me as I am. I am simply a whole and complete woman with different layers that make up my complex personality. I do have a heritage, I do have a culture and a history, and I embrace that. But regardless of all that, I am...me. There, I said it!

In the spirit of this new, whole me, I realized that it was time for me to and put my nom de plume back in the closet. So, my readers, the real me is not Chloe, but...Sharon.

Very nice to meet you. :)

The Girl is Back in Town

2010-04-22T21:02:00.001-04:00

Ahhh, vacation...rejuvenating, refreshing, healing, transformative...

I spent the last two weeks on the gorgeous island of Bali, and it was...a life-changing experience, to say the least. I missed you guys, and will be sure to tell you all as soon as I get over this jet-lag headache and can think straight!

For now, a few pics I snapped in my travels...

I was greeted by this large bowl of flowers when I arrived at my hotel...

Everywhere you go, there are gorgeous rice terraces...

Temples in every village...

And offerings for the gods everywhere you look...

The Big Creepowski

2010-03-31T22:32:00.001-04:00

I had dinner with an old girlfriend last night, C. We met about 13 years ago through one of my exes, G (Polish guy, my first true European...one of many!). Obviously, that relationship didn't work out, but the friendship did!

It was one of those early 20's, on-again, off-again, "he has major commitment issues but keeps sucking you back in" relationships. We've all had at least one of those, right? I was young and stupid, what can I say... In the end, we tried to stay friends and I moved on, started dating other guys. Until one fine day, G said he finally realized that he was in love with me and that I should give him another chance because I didn't know what it was like to be in a relationship with him when he really wanted to be in a relationship with me. While that was a very compelling argument in his mind, and I know it's hard to believe I didn't drop to my knees to thank the Lord that he finally, truly wanted to be with me after stringing me along for 3 years, I thought, "been there, done that, have the t-shirt" and decided to pass on that stellar opportunity. He took it like a champ and accused me of dating guys behind his back. Yep, he was a prize!!!

G still lives in the city, and about a year ago, I bumped into him at a restaurant downtown, while he was on an eHarmony date. We exchanged brief pleasantries and went back to our respective dinners. The funny part is, the previous time I bumped into him was on the subway while he was on his way to a date. Just too random and odd for city with millions of people on it. Damn this small island.

Anyways, over dinner last night with C, the latest run-in with my ex came up in the conversation. She asked if his date that night was Asian, which I had no clue, but of course I had to ask why. She told me that since we broke up, he pretty much exclusively dates Asians. Not only that, but whenever he met someone new, he would show C a picture and ask her if she thinks the new girl looks like me.

My jaw dropped. I was, and still am, shocked beyond belief.

Isn't that disturbing and just...wrong on so many levels????

I kind of feel like I'm being stalked without actively being stalked! Or like...if he somehow got hold of my DNA he would have a clone made to "replace" me!

I mean, it's one thing to have a type that you tend to be attracted to, but to actively seek out a doppelganger???!!! It's just...unhealthy!!! And I feel bad for those girls! If he's smart they'll never find out, but if I was on the other side of that equation and I somehow got wind of it, I would be REALLY pissed!!! Maybe it's just me, but a guy should like me for me, not because I could pass for his ex's identical twin!!!!

Ugh, it still gives me chills just to think about it. I told C she's not allowed to tell me stuff about him anymore. Which works out, because she told him he's not allowed to ask her questions like that anymore either. Talk about a guy who needs help! It's been over 10 years - get over it already!!!

So keep in mind guys - if anything ever happens to me, I disappear, get brainwashed, become a Stepford Wife, or anything like that. Make sure to tell the cops to look at my ex, G...who will now forever be known as "The Big Creepowski"!

Please Pardon My (Dis)Appearance

2010-03-30T23:55:00.001-04:00

I'm sorry for my silence these last few weeks, I haven't forgotten to write, really! It's funny how life throws an unexpected curveball and you find yourself completely off-balance. And without words.

I'm used to bumps in the road...but it's terrible not being able to communicate and articulate. This inability is completely foreign to me. But life is getting back to normal and I'm returning to myself. Slowly, but surely.

So I guess for now, I am under construction, on the inside. I feel my words coming back to me, and I will not take them for granted again.

Just some fair warning - I will be on vacation starting next week for two weeks, and I am leaving all devices of electronic communication behind. But I promise I'll be back, and will be ready to resume our conversation!

Ain't Nothin' But a Number

2010-03-03T22:08:00.000-05:00

For some odd reason, I find myself having a lot of conversations with girlfriends about age lately. There are those who are completely ignoring their birthday this year and would rather go backwards, some who have lied about their age for so long, they have to really think to remember their real age, and there are those who would never go back and just want to stay right where they are.

To be perfectly honest, I'm starting to fall into the latter category. I don't have a problem celebrating my birthday (yet). As the years go by, I feel less and less desire to acknowledge the number, but at the same time, I would never want to go back to say, 27. I wonder why we have such hang ups about our age, and do men have these thoughts too?

I suppose part of it is about milestones. Women have biological clocks that remind us of the passage of time. As the clock ticks and winds down, so does our ability to bear children. The other part is society's warped sense of gender roles. A woman who doesn't marry becomes an "old maid" and is in danger of becoming a crazy cat lady, a man is...well, he'll still be called a bachelor.

Why is there such a double standard? Why is an single woman considered "unwanted" as she gets older, but a man isn't?

I'm not talking about anything new, I know. It's just been on my mind lately. I realized today that I'll be 35 in just a few months, and while it's scaring the hell out of me, I'm kind of excited at the same time.

Let's see what the last half of my 30's brings, hopefully it'll be a good surprise!!!

Little Bo-Peep

2010-02-24T22:12:00.000-05:00

Back in December, J met a nice guy at a Christmas party who went to her high school, and they really seemed to hit it off with. Great way to end the year, right? But after several conversations and texts back and forth, she was asked out and subsequently stood up twice by the dude. That's so rude, who does that???

A few weeks later, as she was sharing her frustration about the guy with some old school chums, someone asked, "Wasn't he the one who was rumored to have done it with a sheep when we were in high school???" And that's when the light bulb turned on. There was a guy in high school who everyone said had stuck his you-know-what in a sheep, and considering how rare a rumor like that is, it MUST HAVE BEEN HIM. Once again, who does that????

She shouldn't feel slighted about being stood up by a guy like that, because she's absolutely amazing, and realistically, he did her a favor! Would you really want to be known as the girl who went out with the guy who shagged a sheep? And honestly, would you even touch that thing with a 10-foot pole, in case the rumor is true??? If it is true, maybe he flaked because he just doesn't know how to interact with real people!

But back to the poor sheep - I couldn't help but wonder, was it a sexual attachment to the sheep? Simple curiosity? Or was it a case of animal cruelty??? Maybe it's because I majored in psychology that I find this whole thing fascinating, or maybe because it's just so fucked up.

What drives a desire or a compulsion like that???

So I did some research...The most fascinating part is that people who engage in bestiality (otherwise known as zoophilia) or who have thoughts of bestiality are normal people just like you and me. After some quick research on Wikipedia, it seems that people who engage in bestiality do so because they simply don't want to deal with the hassle of sex with emotion and relationships (OMG, I was right!!!). And, this has been going on since the ancient Greeks were around. GROSS.

Coincidentally, last night during a bout of insomnia, I came across a documentary on Sundance On Demand called Zoo, about a man in Washington state who died as a result of a perforated colon after having sex with a horse. I couldn't bring myself to watch the movie...I figured at 2am, it was a bit heavy and morbid while trying to zone out, but I actually remember when this incident happened. I was working for a company based out of Seattle several years ago, and we were all gathered for a national sales meeting when this hit the news. At the time, it was not illegal to have sex with animals in the state of Washington, which shocked the hell out of us New Yorkers. How can something like that not be illegal??? It's still illegal to perform oral sex in the state of New Jersey! AND, this guy was an executive at Boeing, had a family and everything. Craziness. How do you think his kids feel knowing this is how their father died???

Unfortunately, the DSM-IV doesn't consider bestiality to be a diagnosed condition unless it affects a person's ability to function normally in daily life. Besides, how would you treat someone with this condition anyway? Would they attend sex rehab with Tiger??? I believe that your sexuality and who you're attracted to is genetic, so is bestiality the same because these people can't help being attracted to animals?

Oye...I had meant to tell you guys a funny story, but now I've made it all dark and twisted. I need a drink or some sleeping pills now, anything to obliterate this from my mind!!!

Back to Sheep Boy from high school, his story has inspired me to make an amateur attempt at a little rhyme for you all:

Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep,
And can't tell where to find them

Leave them alone, And they'll come home
Wagging their tails behind them

Unless, that is, Sheep Boy
Has managed to have his way about them!!!

Time To Fess Up

2010-02-17T22:39:00.001-05:00

When it comes to my parents, I am an intensely private person. I don't discuss my love life with them...I never have, ever. I guess I don't want my Mother to nag me with questions and start meddling (she's really good at nagging), or maybe...actually, that's about it - I can't deal with my Mom nagging me with questions.

But, there comes a time in a girls' life when she has to tell her parents about her boyfriend. Like this weekend. Because Valentine's Day dinner and Chinese New Year family dinner just happen to coincide and you have to explain to your Mom why you won't be attending the family dinner. Well, I didn't really tell her about my boyfriend this weekend, I said I had Valentine's Day plans and left it at that. This afternoon was when the real torture and humiliation began...!

It all started when I called my mom this afternoon to see how her Valentine's Day was (my brother, sister and I bought our parent's tickets to see West Side Story). Their seats were awesome, and they liked it well enough, even though nearly half the show was in Spanish (which I think is weird). After we got that out of the way, there was a noticeable uncomfortable silence, because we were both obviously thinking about the pink elephant in the room, and the conversation went like this:

Mom: So...I haven't seen you since New Year's Eve dinner on Saturday...

Me: Right...since when do you see me during the week?

Mom: Well...um...how was your Valentine's Day dinner?

Me: Umm...it was nice...a little crowded, but nice.

Mom: What's his name?

Me: T

Mom: Is he white?

Me: Of course he is, who are you talking to???

Mom: Well...is it...is it...serious...???

At this point, I started giggling because, #1 - I am sooooo not ready for these questions from my mother, and #2 - if I really must have this conversation, I don't exactly want to be having it while I'm at work!

Me: Ummm...well...

Mom: No...???!!!

Me: No!!! I mean...well...yeah...it's getting there...

Mom: OH. Well...umm...do you want him to meet your parents?

Me: (Laughing uncontrollably now) Um...um...ummm...ummm....

Mom: Well???

Me: (Practically shrieking) I don't know if I'm ready for that yet!!!! Why, are you cooking dinner anytime soon?

Mom: Since when do I cook anymore?

Me: Well, how else are you going to meet him???

Mom: Well, I thought you would cook and invite us over to meet him!

Me: I have no dining area, you and Dad want to come over and sit on the floor around my coffee table for dinner???!!!!

And it wound down from there...thankfully, she didn't push me on it. We eventually settled on a family dinner in a few weeks or so and I can bring him home. God, if any of my coworkers overheard me, I must have sounded like a babbling idiot.

Hopefully I'll have regained my power of speech and will have the giggles under control by then!

You Are What You...

2010-02-02T23:00:00.001-05:00

I truly believe that you are what you eat. As a result, I'm an obsessive label-reader. It's terrible, but in a good way. It significantly reduces the amount of processed foods I eat, and when it comes to my skin care lotions, it has steered me towards products with less fillers and scary-sounding chemicals. I mean, it's nearly impossible to do so if you want to enjoy life, but if you can at least limit the amount of toxins you ingest or come into contact with, then you should, right?

With all this, I never thought to extend my label-reading to my make up before. That is, until I found a new website to feed my ~~obsession~~ ~~sickness~~ interest, www.CometicsDatabase.com. This site is amazing - it rates the toxicity levels of your skin care products and cosmetics. Talk about eye-opening! This site even tells you what the toxic ingredients in your product have been linked to, such as:

Cancer
Developmental/reproductive toxicity (YIKES!!!)
Allergies/immunotoxicity
Other concerns such as: Neurotoxicity, Endocrine disruption, Organ system toxicity (non-reproductive), Irritation (skin, eyes, or lungs), Enhanced skin absorption, Biochemical or cellular level changes

Changes on the cellular level???!!! Neurotoxicity??? Are you shitting me??? I have now trashed about half the products in my make up drawer, much to my relief and dismay (make up is NOT cheap). Fortunately my new foundation from Shu Uemera is a 3 (on a scale of 0 to 10, 0 being no toxicity at all), but all of my blushes were a 9!!! My new Shu Uemera eyeshadows are a 7, which isn't THAT terrible, but do I really want that so close to my eyeballs?! I'm compromising and saving those for special occasions...gimme a break, I just bought them two months ago!

Fortunately my moisturizers and lotions are all in the 2-4 range, but I had to throw out my hair stuff. Oh well, I've been looking for an excuse to treat myself to L'Occitane shampoo and conditioner anyways (they are each a 3, yay)! While my toothpaste is safe (thank god), I have not yet had the guts to look up my lip glosses (because you ingest that shit every time you lick your lips) or my deodorant.

Like I said, it's a sickness. Really, I can't help it, I need to know!!! Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss, and I really wasn't sure I wanted to know. But, at least I am now armed with a tool to make better informed decisions going forward!

The Balance of The Sexes

2010-01-26T22:45:00.002-05:00

There was an interesting article in the New York Times last week about how more and more men are marrying wealthier women. Apparently we're kicking ass - we're increasing the numbers who are more educated and earning more income these days. You go girls!!!

But the article also notes that our gains and career advancements have been affecting our dating lives. Does our success intimidate the men we meet? Can men handle the fact that we might be the primary breadwinner in the relationship, and that we're smart, self-sufficient and ambitious?

I know for me, that imbalance was extremely difficult for my ex to handle. I had fallen for a very talented but very poor, struggling photographer a lifetime ago. He worked, but it was sporadic and it was just never enough money. And toward the end of our relationship, I was supporting him. I was making sick money at the time, so I was happy to do it - we had talked about marriage, so I figured my money was his, right? Turned out I could handle it, but he couldn't. He began to resent the fact that I was paying the rent and his bills, started taking his anger over his lack of work and success out on me, and our relationship began to go downhill. It was an expensive lesson to learn, but I learned it well.

Conversely, my girlfriend, C, is a successful, incredibly intelligent woman with a Ph.D. in psychology. For years, she dated men she knew from school, and while her career took off, some of them floundered. And in her case, it affected both sides of the relationship. She had trouble dealing with the fact that vacations had to be few and far between and on the cheap because they couldn't afford it like she could. Or even the occasional expensive dinner out was a question mark. And as for the men in her life, they had trouble with the fact that her star was rising while they were struggling to finish their program or had trouble finding decent work afterward.

I guess it boils down to finding someone that you can grow with, one you can work toward goals with, and with whom you can share a life you both want and can contribute to, whether financially or otherwise. I don't doubt that couples where the woman is the breadwinner can make it work, but I think it takes an extremely secure man, and at the same time, a very open-minded woman, who is willing to take a back seat in other aspects of the relationship.

The thing is, successful women are taught to go for it and to always be the alpha, because that is how women achieve success in a dog-eat-dog world. So taking a back seat doesn't exactly come easily. But how do the women who left the corporate rat race to raise their families get where they are today? And do they miss it? Let's face it, some men (and some women) just want a traditional relationship where the woman stays home with the kids while the man brings home the bacon, and there's nothing wrong with that. Hell, I think about it too sometimes!

After my experience, I'm not sure I could have a relationship with someone who didn't have an equal or higher education level and who isn't as advanced in their career path as I am, or well on their way. Granted, money comes and goes, and in this economy, you're lucky to have a job. So it's not that black and white, I know.

I've seen my parents live with huge success, and I've also seen them struggle through lost businesses, unemployment, paying bills, etc and it wasn't pretty. Money may not make people happy, but having it sure as hell makes things less stressful in marriage and relationships. And we know that relationships are hard enough as it is without fighting over money!

Never Say This On a Date With an Asian Girl - EVER!!!

2010-01-19T22:01:00.000-05:00

My girlfriend L recently joined eHarmony since she wasn't having much luck with meeting men out and about or on the blind date route. I love L, she's a great woman, and we share funny date stories all the time, as her dating history is just as hilarious as mine. She's spoken to a few guys so far, but nothing special yet. I think I got really lucky, I told her, but you have to keep an open mind about it all. After what she just told me though, I wouldn't blame her for abandoning the whole online dating idea completely!

She had a phone call the other night with an accountant she had been having "guided communication" with. He seemed like a nice guy, if a little boring. L is like me - outgoing, loves a good laugh, good conversation, and is looking for an intelligent guy who can keep up. Oh, and I should mention that she's Asian too, in case my post title didn't already tell you that.

The conversation with the accountant wasn't exactly going smoothly. We all know some guys just don't like talking on the phone, but he really didn't bring anything to the conversation, and didn't ask her any questions about herself. To try to engage him, she asked about his hobbies and interests. His answer? Numbers.

***YAWN*** That would have been my cue to excuse myself from the call and get myself in the tub for a nice, long soak with some pretty bubbles. But L, god bless her soul, persevered.

After a few failed attempts at drawing Mr. Numbers out of his shell, she asked him if he typically dates Asians and why. His response was a yes...and the why...?

"When I was younger I watched the movie Karate Kid, and as soon as I saw how submissive and subservient the Japanese girl was, I knew I wanted an Asian girl."

Seriously, this shit can't be made up. On the one hand, at least he was honest. But on the other hand, what did he think she would say, "Oh goody, I've been waiting for a guy like you to come along my whole life!!! Can I sit quietly by your feet while you play with your numbers, darling???"

That is a dude who should just get himself a mail-order bride and call it a day!

L, I admire you being able to hold your tongue. I probably would have told him to shove his numbers up his ass and if he was really looking for subservient, then he should go out and buy himself a blow-up doll.

Keep on laughing and and keep on trying, girl!!!

Fortune Cookie 1.19.2010

2010-01-19T20:55:00.000-05:00

Fortune cookie of the day:

"Success is when you get what you want. Happiness is when you want what you get."

Here's wishing you both success and happiness!!!

Family Love

2010-01-15T18:24:00.001-05:00

As an Asian daughter, I was raised to respect my elders no matter what. I'm not perfect, I'll admit that. I've raised my voice to my mother once or twice, and I have hung up on her a few times, but I always said goodbye as I was hanging up, and I always felt bad after. But with my other elders, I am always respectful no matter what, no matter how much I want to speak my mind or be rude back. Especially not in front of other people. It's just how I was raised.

Having been raised that way, it always strikes me when I see other people disrespecting their elders. So imagine my shock while at the taping of the Martha Stewart Show yesterday, when Martha's daughter Alexis (who was a guest), was rude and frankly, exuded extreme dislike and bitchiness, to her mother. Not even just during the breaks, this was during taping as well. She barely spoke during the segment and when asked a question was flat-out snippy. Her demeanor was that of a really PISSED-OFF person who just obviously didn't want to be there.

It was sad, and I felt bad for Martha because it was just so...blatant. Now, I don't pretend to know anything about their relationship. I know there are stories about what a terrible mother Martha was, and who knows, maybe the stories are true and it was incredibly shitty growing up in that household, but I still have difficulty watching someone treating their parent that way. It's just...wrong and well, disrespectful!

Alexis showed herself to be a petty, mean, bitchy woman, which is never a positive image. And maybe she doesn't care what other people think about her, but it would bother me if I was that person, that's for sure. Especially on national television!

I don't know...I guess that's another part of me that is more Chinese than American.

Do Not Try This At Work

2010-01-13T18:48:00.000-05:00

I think my client has a crush on me. My married with 2 kids and 2 dogs -client. Maybe it's all in my head and he's just uber-friendly, but you tell me...

I went downtown to their offices today to present to his bosses, and he had mentioned last week that he wanted to take me out to lunch after, so I agreed. He seems like an really friendly guy, is pleasant to talk to...I'm trying to get more business, I know he's married, he knows I have a boyfriend, it's all good, business as usual. So I give my presentation, and we go down to a nearby place to grab some some food.

And like I said, he's an extremely gregarious guy, so while I didn't think twice when he started asking me about myself, where I went to school, where I grew up, then showing me pictures of his dogs, telling me about the jobs he had when he was in school, etc. But it was weird when he insisted on carrying my laptop for me, and showed me a picture of his "mid-life crisis" purchase - a motorcycle. And stupid me, I mention that I've never been on a motorcycle before, and he immediately offered to take me out on his bike this summer. Suuuuurrrrre, I say...do you take your wife out on it a lot too??? Apparently the bike is a sore point in his marriage. Double oye!

So I bring up my boyfriend, just to remind him that I'm not on the market. I figured even if I was off the mark, why not play it safe? I don't get too personal with my clients, but there are a few I have developed friendships with over time so to mention my boyfriend wouldn't be too out of the realm of possibility. Apparently, the hint didn't work...!

It was time for me to wrap things up and get out of dodge, so I make my excuses that it's time to get back to the office and hail myself a cab. As I'm about to climb in, he asks, "So do I have to wait to ask you out to lunch again, or can I call you?"

Awkward!!!

Seriously??? What makes him think that it's okay to ask out his vendor and that I want to mess around with a married man with kids????!!!

WTF???

Dear Santa...

2010-01-07T09:31:00.001-05:00

Is it too late to send a list? Can you make an emergency drop off? Even if I promise I've been really, really, really good?

Cuz I'd like a new lower back and butt...seriously. I literally have a pain in my ass, and weeks of physical therapy and the chiropractor haven't helped. At all.

So if you're listening, Santa, help a sister out. I'll bake you some cookies and put them by my fake electric fireplace.

Thanks,
Chloe

Happy New Year!!!

2009-12-31T10:20:00.005-05:00

I am terrible at making resolutions, and even worse at keeping them. Saying I'm going to go to the gym twice a week every week never kicks off. Shopping less usually works, but because I don't give myself any parameters, how much less am I really shopping...?

So instead of making resolutions at the end of every year, I try to look back at the lessons I've learned over the past year and reflect on my intentions for the coming year. So...what have I learned this year, and what's to come for the next?

10 Lessons I Learned in 2009:

Be absolutely clear about your intentions and what you want before you put it out there in the universe. If you are, it will happen.
Always speak up for yourself. Or as Madonna once sang, "Express Yourself"
If you really don't want to do it, don't.
Listen to your body when it's trying to tell you something is wrong.
Do everything and anything that makes you happy at all times; never ignore your desires, doing so kills you a little bit inside.
When you're experiencing conflict with someone, keep in mind that it's usually not about you, so don't take it personally. It's all ego, don't push because pushing results in more resistance. Let things blow through and they might just turn out okay.
Be patient.
Let go of old baggage - tangible and intangible!
I'm not always right.
Dwelling on the negative will only perpetuate it and keep you stuck. So get it out of your system and then get over it. If necessary, give yourself a deadline (this works for depression too).

My Intentions for 2010:

Love with an open heart, don't let the past affect the here and now.
Use my Gratitude Journal daily - only need to come up with five things a day!
"Do" more, don't just think about it, and then subsequently forget about it.
Exercise my creative muscle more - go back to photography, take a painting or writing class.
Don't worry about things so much, all the worrying in the world isn't going to change things that are out of my control.
Plan for a vacation, rather than just pick up and go (this will make an overseas trip much easier!).
Let go of negativity, only surround myself with people who can support this. Stay positive and focused.
Don't be so hard on myself all the time.
Listen.
Celebrate daily. Celebrate life, love, family, friends, food, joy, beauty, art, emotion and inspiration...even fear!

That's a good start, I think. What are your lessons learned and intentions for 2010?

Have an amazing, safe, and loving New Year!!!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

2009-12-24T15:22:00.001-05:00

Mortified With a Capital 'M'

2009-12-21T20:15:00.002-05:00

You know your new relationship is solid when you've got one of those gut-wrenching stomach aches, have been sitting on the toilet for 15 minutes, emitting loud, sound-effect farts...liquid poop is coming out of your butt with your man in the very next room because it's a studio apartment and there's no where else to go, and you're mortified because there isn't a chance in hell the TV is loud enough to help mask the sounds.

At least I got THAT out of the way, what embarrassing milestone can I cover next???

It's an Early Christmas for Chloe!

2009-12-16T22:04:00.001-05:00

I've always had trouble with my back, but lately it's been worse than usual. I spent most of last weekend groaning like an old lady as I would stand up or try to sit/lay down, wincing and saying, "Oh my back!". It's not fun getting old, I feel like I'm falling apart!

So I went to my chiropractor to get cracked and fixed. And fix me he did, he twisted and cracked, gave me some heat and about 10 minutes with the electric stimulation thingy (for those of you who have never had this, it's for pain management, like acupuncture) I feel like a new woman!

As I was getting ready to leave, he gave me a cute little box. And what was inside? An at-home electric stimulation pack!!! He wanted me to use it on my back about an hour a day, apparently. He showed me how to use it, explained the little dials, I was all set.

The first words that popped out of my mouth?

"Oh cool, a new sex toy!!!"

Ho-ho-ho, Merry Christmas!!!!

'Tis The Season

2009-12-11T00:17:00.000-05:00

'Tis the season...to stress over presents...to eat yourself silly...for holiday parties galore...indulgence and excess. Too much of everything!

I went to my first holiday party tonight, and I literally ate so much, I think I may have hurt myself. Thank god for stretchy pants, that's all I can say!

I finally brought home a Christmas tree the other night (thanks to my brother for doing the heavy lifting)! I don't know why it's so important to me, but I just love having a Christmas tree. It makes home feel more homey and festive, I guess. I love decorating it, the piney smell, and love looking at the lights. And...I guess I also wanted to bring home some cheer, since this is around the time I had to put Zoe to sleep last year.

So we got the tree here, got it in the stand, poured the water in the base...and Mya decided to check it out. By trying to eat it. Dumbass.

Out came the squirt bottle, and I hope it worked to make her stop. The last thing I need is for her to chew away while I'm at work and to have to take her to the vet for another $300 visit!!!

This weekend is my annual Christmas baking marathon, and hopefully I'll find time to finish up my shopping. Why do I put things off to the final two or three weeks every year??? Every year I have the greatest of intentions to start around September/October, but every year, it boils down to this. Sigh.

'Tis the season!!!

This Is The Life

2009-12-07T21:49:00.001-05:00

I flew in my first private plane today. NO JOKE, I really did!!!

Not private jet like in the movies where there are lounge chairs and couches, this was a regular 30-seater jet, but it was still nice!

So let me back up a bit - one of my clients called me about two weeks ago and asked if I would be willing to come out to Ohio to present and demo to their IT group, who is looking to contract our services. "Let me check with my manager to see if I can travel approved," I say, because do I really want to fly out to Ohio in December? (I hate the cold, for those of you who don't know this about me.) "Oh no problem," my client says to me, "we have our own private shuttle that flies back and forth from NY to an airport 15 minutes away from our office twice a day, would that make it easier for you to come out for the meeting?"

HELL'S YAH!!!!!!

So he tells me to get to the airport at 8:15 this morning for the 8:30 flight. Yes people, you heard me right - I only had to show up 15 minutes before take off! I show my ID and I'm officially checked in. That's it. No printed boarding pass, no security line, no x-ray machines, no taking my shoes off, take your laptop out of the bag and into the bin, no take off your belt and jacket, NOTHING OF THE SORT. All I had to do was walk my ass out onto the tarmac and into that nice, clean plane.

And we taxied off in less than 10 minutes! When does that happen in the tri-state area, or any other metropolitan flight zone???!!!

The flight was like any other, except there were only about 15 people on the whole flight, no children whatsoever, and it was nice and silent. We had a nice simple breakfast served to us in the morning, but coming home, they served us grilled chicken salad with black bean salsa and a tomatillo vinaigrette, whole wheat crackers, and chocolate mousse (yes, seriously - dessert too) with whipped cream on top. Oh, and a nice little mint too. So thoughtful.

Oh, and the meeting went really well. I think I'm gonna get the additional business. But even if I didn't, I got to fly on a private plane today, so who really gives a shit after that???!!!

Kid-Friendly

2009-12-06T21:16:00.000-05:00

It amazes me how different kids are these days. Seeing how entitled and spoiled most kids are these days scares the crap out of me, and is one of the reasons I keep hitting the snooze button on my biological clock. Maybe it's because my parents weren't born here, but I would beat my kid if they talked back to me, or didn't respect their elders.

I have an adorable 6 year old cousin, who is spoiled rotten. She was the first baby in the family in 22 years, so it was unavoidable. Her parents both work 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, and my eldest aunt nannies her. She rarely hears no, gets to eat McDonald's, sweets and junk food almost daily and has been given no boundaries. In her 6 years, she has learned that if she pesters or screams loud enough, she will eventually get her way. I've seen her try to hit her mother, and be pissy with my grandmother. If someone tells her no, she pretends not to hear. When we're all together, if she asks for something and I tell her no, she'll go to our aunt or some other adult for a yes.

She's pretty much a terror and thinks the world revolves around her. She yells at her parents, is snarky to our grandmother, thinks everyone is there to wait on her hand and foot. Except, that is, when she's alone with me. Just call me Drill Sergeant.

Unfortunately my schedule doesn't allow me to spend as much time with her as I used to. But when we do get to have a play date, she has learned that tantrums wear her out before me, doesn't even bother asking for McDonald's anymore, that she will always be given a choice with me but each has consequences, and that everything isn't about her. Yet she comes back for more. I love a kid who knows there are limits. And I'm starting to believe they seek them out.

Last Saturday, she didn't have Chinese school, so she plopped her butt in front of the TV. I went over there, took one look and said, "Come on kid, let's go run some errands." She didn't know what errands are, but along she came, and I promised her we would bake Christmas cookies if she was on her best behavior. And I'm proud to say she was a complete angel when it was just the two of us around the city. We went shopping at the Apple store, looked for candle holders, she even sat patiently while I got my eyebrows threaded. I took every opportunity to thank her for keeping me company so I wouldn't get bored while I was out for the afternoon.

Later on, we baked and decorated. Now my version of baking is Christmas cookies is cutting into a Pillsbury log and sprinkling Christmas sugars, decals and dragees on top. Hey, maybe it was cheating but the kid loved it, and her tray definitely came out looking nicer than mine! Unfortunately, she found the dragees too crunchy (I kind of agreed), and ended up spitting them out, but they sure did look good. I put the cooled cookies in a container for her, which she had the manners to ask if she has to return it (I assured her it would be fine to keep), and as we started to get ready to take her and her cookies home, she said "I didn't really like them, I don't want them".

All I did was take one look at her, and she said, "Oh...okay."

That is one smart kid. Like I said, just call me Drill Sergeant!

Holy Shit, There Are Awards For This?!

2009-12-03T23:20:00.000-05:00

Imagine my surprise and delight when Entrepreneur Chick called me "Transparent, truthful, charming and always humorous", and this is the best part: she said I am the exact Chinese version of her (could I be so lucky?!)

Not that she randomly talks about me on her blog all the time, she had presented me with the honor of my very first award!

So having received this award, I am to tell you seven things you do not know about me:

1. I believe in psychics and astrology. Not every psychic, mind you, but I do think there are people out there who have psychic abilities and will go for a session about twice a year or so.

2. I also think some things are best left in the unknown.

3. A piece of my heart died last year when I had to put my dog Zoe to sleep. My mom says I treat animals better than I treat people. She's probably right.

4. I am a total yuppie, but deep down inside, I wish I had the guts to break out of the corporate shell and be a creative. Except I don't have any true artistic talent (pole dancing doesn't count!)

5. I am a closeted sci-fi geek. I think the latest Battlestar Galactica series was some of the most amazing television ever created and produced. EVER.

6. I love who I am and how I look, but have always wished I had a smaller nose.

7. I love to travel but am terrible at planning vacations. I'm much more of a last-minute trip person, which is not ideal when you want to make a trip that really requires a time investment and thorough planning, like going somewhere overseas. I also hate group tours, so that doesn't help much either. I'm also not a fan of tourist traps, and would rather immerse myself in a new culture, be amongst the locals, see how their daily life is, get a taste. Then maybe seek out some tourist spots so I can at least say I was there.

Now I am to list seven people who I pass this award to:

1. Marilisa, Entrepreneur Chick - she gets me, she really really REALLY gets me. We are so alike, I think I really am the Chinese version of her. Not only am I lucky to call her my friend, but I also see her as my adopted Momma because she worries when I fly and stuff like that. It totally cracks me up because I've been traveling on my own for about 15 years now, but I do appreciate it.

2. Aunt Juicebox, Bacon is my Lover - her writing is so balls-to-the-wall honest and hard core, I constantly bust my gut laughing reading her blog. She takes bad situations and rough times, says it like it is and just rides the wave, which I completely admire.

3. Rebekah, The Maudern Experiment - real-life friend for more years than I can remember. We have been soul-sisters since day one. She just started a blog of her own and it is a true reflection of the honesty and love she exudes.

4. Jacob, Fools Rush In - a successfully married Match veteran. I love reading about what it's like to be married with step kids. So freaking honest and funny. And, he gives good advice about dating.

5. Avignon in Photos - a beautiful photography blog from Avignon, France. Of course, as I write this, I see that today's post is of poop. Love it.

6. Diamond in the Rough - incredibly, fucking hilarious. That's all I can say about that.

7. Okay...this is where I admit that I don't read more than six blogs on a regular basis...sorry, I feel kind of lame now. I could have lied, but that's just not my style.

I kind of feel like that person who has sent out one of those stupid emails that require you to forward within 5 minutes to 7 people otherwise you will have bad luck forever, but I did want to pass on the Superior Scribbler Award because I think those blogs fucking rock.

Having said that, for those of you who I bestow this award- please do so in return if you are so inclined. But if you don't, nothing bad will happen to you, don't worry.

List seven things we do not know about you.

Pass the award on to seven blogs you enjoy.

Thank the original sender.

Notify the seven blogs to whom you passed the award.

Momma, thank you again for my very first award!!!!

UPDATE Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

2009-11-30T20:50:00.002-05:00

C just called (so he DOES know how to use the phone) to apologize. His ears must have been burning as I was writing the last post!

He explained that he was drunk (I already knew that). He was in the area, but didn't have my number in his phone anymore and had no clue as to what time it was (okay, whatever). It was stupid (I already knew that too and agreed with him), and it will never happen again. Damn skippy it won't!!!!

He tried making small talk, asking how I've been, how work is...I gave him simple, one-word answers.

I should give the boy major props for having the balls to call and apologize, and I magnanimously accepted his apology. He assured me once again that it would never happen again, asked if my boyfriend was there, to which I answered, "NO, because I wouldn't speaking to you for more than these 2 minutes if he was."

And that was that. Is there a full moon today or something???

I'm just shocked...

Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

2009-11-30T20:11:00.003-05:00

I was on the phone with my new guy, T, the other night. We were having the "How many kids do you want if you even want kids, and what kind of parent would you be?" conversation (initiated by him, not me!!!). And the answers were yes, two, and fair but strict were both our answers (yes, I want kids this week). Then out of no where, at 12:30 am, my apartment telecom buzzes.

Me: Hello?

Stranger: Chloe?

Me: Who is this?

Stranger: An old friend from the neighborhood.

Me: ...Who IS this???

Stranger: C

Me (thinking): Holy FUCK, T is still on the phone and has heard this whole exchange. What could he be thinking??? And what the hell is C doing here, I haven't spoken to him in well over a year!!!

I get back on the phone and T asked if he should let me go and do I want to call him back. I said yes, I'll call him back in a few minutes, that it was an old friend and that I haven't spoken to him in about 2 years or something along those lines, that he was probably drunk off his ass, so let me just deal with him and I'll call him right back.

The second I opened my door, "Do you know how to use the fucking phone?" and "What the hell are you doing here?" were the first words out out of my mouth. I couldn't help it. It's been so long, who the hell does he think he is, and just how drunk was he to think he could show up at my door?! And THANK GOD this didn't happen when T was here!!!

And then I realized my neighbors could hear all my shit, so I let him in as far as the kitchen to finish reaming him for showing up at my door unannounced. He smelled like booze, and had the audacity to ask, "You seem mad, should I go???"

Just to get rid of him, I said, "Well, I was on the phone with my boyfriend when you buzzed, so I don't know how I'm going to explain this when I call him back in a few minutes."

C: Oh...boyfriend? Then I should go.

Me: Yes you should.

C: Where is he tonight?

Me: Not that it's any of your business, but he just got back from visiting his Dad for Thanksgiving.

C: Oh. This is awkward.

Me (thinking): And you didn't think it would be when you walked into my building and randomly buzzed my door after more than a year of us ending things????

The whole exchange couldn't have taken more than 5 minutes, maybe 7, and as soon as I shut the door, I was speed-dialing T. I have to say he is a total gentleman and a genuine class-act, he didn't seem affected by the late night interruption at all, and simply picked up where we left off when we hung up. It's only been a few weeks, and we haven't had the exclusive talk or anything yet, so technically he has no right to be bothered, but still...! And yes, I called T my boyfriend, but I only did it to get rid of C. It's still too soon for that!

But back to C, how ballsy and drunk do you have to be??? And what exactly did he think was going to happen, that I would let him in, be thrilled to see him and just jump into bed with him?!

Yes, there is a reason he belongs in my past. Hopefully now he'll REALLY stay there!!!

A Fresh Start

2009-11-28T19:50:00.000-05:00

"Change your space, change your life."

That's a Hebrew saying an old coworker once taught me. It's true, isn't it? How much better do you feel about things once you've tidied up a bit, vacuumed, or cleaned the bathroom?

I've spent the last few months painting and completely redecorating my apartment, and it's like a brand new home! It's amazing what a fresh coat of paint will do, but to get rid of all your old furniture and start anew??? I had wiped the slate clean and was ready to start a new chapter in my journey.

And believe it or not, things have started happening...the pot has been stirred, and I'm having fun with it! I do things for the joy of doing them, and only if it feels good. I feel like the term "joy" is so under-utilized. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day, and many of us forget to seek joy in life. But I've made it my new mission in life...

JOY

Know what you desire and just go for it. Why the hell not? Life's too short not too! It's amazing what will happen when you really clarify what your intentions and desires are in life.

Try it and see what happens!

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

2009-11-26T11:48:00.001-05:00

A Mother's Love, Part Deux

2009-11-24T22:42:00.002-05:00

Alright, so everything's okay...I got a call from the head of the practice this morning, Mya's blood work is totally normal, and he looked at her x-rays.

Basically, the issue is that my cat needs to take a really, REALLY big dump!!!!!!!

Enema tomorrow morning, here we come...!!!

A Mother's Love

2009-11-23T22:07:00.002-05:00

My poor little baby, my kitty, Mya, is sick :( Her regular vet was out today, but the vet I took her to today took x-rays and thinks there might be a lesion on her spine.

I can't imagine the kind of love and fear a mother would feel for a child they have borne and raised, but Mya is essentially my child. The poor thing can't speak for herself, nor can she help me understand what's wrong except to cry when something hurts. But she can't tell me how much pain she's in, where or why. And it breaks my heart to feel so helpless.

My Mom says I've always treated my pets better than I treat humans. She's probably right. I have a soft spot for rescues, I can't help it. If only I had ESP or some type of radar that could hone in on what's wrong.

For now, all I can do is hope for the best and give her lots of love when she does come out from under the couch.

Modern Dating

2009-11-18T21:05:00.000-05:00

Has dating changed much over the decades?

JO said an interesting thing to me the other day - he said that modern dating has made things harder for both sides. Men have to be everything and more, as do women. Very true, but is that really any different than it used to be?

Women always had to be Betty Crocker at home. Men always had to be...well, men. Now we're expected to be the modern versions of each.

It's obvious that gender roles have changed over the years. Women want to be more empowered, and men have learned to respect that (we hope). Women have a need to be self-sufficient and independent...and men need to figure out the dance of backing off but know when to be there as needed.

But how has that affected dating in today's day and age?

Do we want dinners paid for us? Do we want to chip in? Should there be a give and take?

Where is the How-To for all this? I know there are tons of dating books out there, but which to follow, if at all??? Is it all a case-by-case basis?

I suppose if you were really old fashioned, everything should be on the man's shoulders. He plans the date, picks her up, pays for drinks, pays for dinner, the movie, pay for bowling, etc. But in a city like New York, where everything is so expensive, is that fair?

In a time where women expect to be treated fairly, should we chip in at least a little?

I've said that I'm not a feminist. Honestly, I like being taken care of. I like being treated to a special night out. I like getting flowers, helped with the car door and my coat. But I also enjoy being able to chip in a little, to show my appreciation for a great night.

Hmm...I'm obviously all mixed up here...any thoughts people?

Jump In With Both Feet, But Swim Slowly

2009-11-16T22:13:00.000-05:00

I've been pretty gun-shy since my ex and I broke up earlier this year. Not so bad that I won't go out on dates or anything, but admittedly, I've been cautious.

We had instant, explosive chemistry. It was a blind date, so we both were surprised by how comfortable and attracted we were to each other so quickly. I thought he might be the one. Obviously it hasn't worked out that way, but everything happens for a reason, right?

And now, I'm not sure I trust instant fireworks. I'd almost rather have a good, slow burn that builds up with a strong foundation.

What's the hesitation? I'm nervous that I might get burned again. I'm afraid that I might fall and there won't be anyone there to catch me. That little, insecure girl inside this grown woman is worried that feelings might not be reciprocated. I hate to admit it, but while it is a tiny nodule of fear, it is there after all.

But, I truly believe good things come to those who wait. So, I'm going to trust my instincts going forward. I'll take the nerves and butterflies as a good sign that I'm going out of my comfort zone and breaking down my own walls. I'll take the time to really get to know a guy before hormones and sex takes over and leaves me in a daze.

There is no reward without some risk. I'm going to jump in with both feet, but swim oh so slowly...!

Getting to Know You

2009-11-10T22:02:00.000-05:00

Whenever I start to date someone new, I always wonder when or even if, I should tell them about my pole dance classes. I mean, if it goes beyond a few dates, it's something that's going to come out sooner or later, so why not get it out there early? But, do I really want to give the guy the wrong impression? Actually, now that I think about it, what kind of impression does it give???

The thing is, if you tell a guy, and he's not totally lecherous about it, that's a good sign that he's not a pig, so it's a good weeding out tool. Obviously, if he acts like an idiot about it, well, then it's obvious that he's an immature ass and should therefore be kicked to the curb. Easy enough, right?

The whole topic usually comes up when the conversation turns to what you like to do in your spare time, and for myself and the men I tend to meet, the gym, yoga or running pretty much always comes into the mix. So that leads to more questions: what do you like to do when you work out, how often do you go, etc. More often than not, the conversation goes something like this:

Him: So what do you do to workout?

Me: Oh you know, the usual - cardio and weights at the gym, some yoga, and dance classes, stuff like that.

Him: What kind of dance classes, ballet or ballroom or something?

Me: No, kind of like a modern dance.

Him: What type of modern dance?

Me: Well, really it's a pole dance class.

Him: ...pole classes? You mean...like...stripper classes???!!!!

At that point, if they're pigs and/or not too bright, a huge cheshire grin will start to appear. So I have to explain that no, it's not stripper classes. None of the teachers, or even any students, in the school are strippers, they're all professional career-women or housewives who do it for themselves, their self-confidence, or to shake things up in their workout routine. Then I explain how S Factor started out, and it's philosophy. I emphasize that men aren't allowed in the studio, that it's a very nurturing environment, and almost like a sanctuary, and how it's extremely women-centric. I also explain that it's dancing for gratification of the self, rather than for the gratification of men, and that it's something I truly do for me, for the workout, and because I enjoy it so much.

They eventually get it, but they still have that little fantasy playing in their head. And why wouldn't they, it's only natural. It doesn't mean they'll get to see the fantasy come true though! Unless I'm really digging the guy, I don't even bother to get into the fact that I have a pole in my apartment anymore, that just opens up a a huge can of worms!!!

Then there are the guys who just don't know what the hell to do with the fact that I can pole dance. No interest in it whatsoever, don't want to hear about it and really don't want to see any of the new moves I've learned lately...those guys are kind of weird too.

I asked a few friends for their opinion about it the other day, and the feedback I got kinda surprised me.

B said why not lay it out there and see their first reaction. If they can't handle it, then they can't handle me. And, if I think he's an idiot, just say it for shock value and for fun. This is kind of how I've been approaching it these last few years. I have to admit, the reactions I get can be amusing!

C chimed in that it was too much info for a first date. And that, in his opinion, it would be just like asking what your favorite position is on the first date. C's opinion shocked the hell out me, are my class THAT big of a deal??? Have I become completely jaded to its shock factor?

My sister said I don't want to give the wrong impression, so I should lie if exercise comes up, but that's a bad idea on so many levels. You can't start out lying right away, where could that possibly go?!

And once again, what is this impression that people get when they learn about my classes, anyways?

J had GREAT advice. She suggested I keep it under my hat, wait to see if they make it to the fifth date or so, then just mention it casually one day, like a very blase, "oh, didn't I already tell you???". That way, I'm keeping him on his toes just when he thinks he's got me figured out, and I'll be even sexier than he already thinks. Plus, it's honest, I'm open about it, and it's just a part of my life. No big deal. If I downplay it, I'll seem super cool.

I liked J's perspective on it. Plus, the 34-year old, more mature me is trying not to let my libido make my decisions anymore because it just gets me in trouble. So keeping the classes under my hat until I REALLY get to know a guy seems like the smarter thing to do. J always find a way to get things just right, she's awesome like that.

But I have to come back to my other question... I realize that while I think it's a perfectly normal hobby and this is just me, doing my thang, not everyone is as open-minded. I'm not really one to care what people think of me, but this has me very curious for some reason...

Tell me, what do my classes make people think???

Snoozefest

2009-11-08T23:06:00.001-05:00

I know I haven't posted a funny bad date story in a while, and I must apologize for that. I just haven't been on any bad dates in a while! But then again, I haven't been on any really good dates in a while either. They've all been perfectly nice, yet perfectly bland.

How sad is it that I'm wishing for a really bad date right now so we can all laugh our asses off over it? I'm not even joking!

I should take that back, we really don't want to put that wish out there in the universe!

Well...it would be nice to go on a good date...a really good date. The guys I've been meeting on the dating site haven't all been freaks and creeps, thank god. But they've been...nice. I honestly have nothing more to say about them. I guess I need a male version of me. I want some excitement, or someone I can be excited about, how hard can that be?

I'm...not bubbly, but I am fairly gregarious and ebullient. I have light and I look for light. I want to go on a date and have lots of fun, laugh, giggle...feel some chemistry, you know?

I had a coffee date this afternoon, and while there weren't major fireworks, there were definitely sparks. He was really nice and funny. We sat there talking the afternoon away, and it was comfortable, easy. I enjoyed his company, and so far, it seems we have quite a few things in common!

So let's see how this goes...stay tuned!

Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

2009-11-08T11:40:00.002-05:00

Use what you have. We have all been given skills, talents and gifts to utilize in life. It can range from the ability to sing, to the ability to calculate complex algorithms, to the ability to sew a stitch. Some of us have the ability to charm and enamour. Yes, that's a skill too!

Some women will hate me for this, would call it sexploitation, and that I'm promoting gender roles. But I say smoke 'em if you got 'em. Why not?! I'm not saying sleep your way to the top, I'm saying we as women have the advantage of being able to flirt, charm, and titillate into getting little extras in life. How many times have you charmed your way out of a speeding ticket, into skipping the long line at the door of a hot club, getting a discount, or even used it to get an extra shot of tequila in that margarita from the cute bartender? I have, it's great being a girl in situations like that!

I'm sorry, but women and men aren't equal. Women have the power. We are the ones who can captivate, multi-task, we decide when our other half gets laid, most of us can articulate and process our emotions, and nothing makes a man happier than to make us happy. Why not be happy with that and just let it be?

It's a biological and chemical reaction - this interaction between men and women. Animals do it too. It's pheromones.

Use it, have fun with it, feel free to go out and play!

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

2009-11-05T22:31:00.002-05:00

"You can't have it all if you don't ask for it" - Mama Gena

Most of us are scared to ask for what we want. Why is that? Does it make us feel selfish? Impolite? Do we think it's going to jinx things?

What is so wrong with knowing what you want and asking for it, even if you're just asking yourself?

The thing is, you can't expect to get what you want in life if you don't express it, articulate it. How else will you and others know what you want? it's scary, I know, but try it. Start small, like with what you want for dinner. Then move on to what you want to do this weekend, what you want for your job, your life, etc. It will feel awkward, but do it anyway. How else will Santa, and the universe know what you want otherwise???

It scares me too, believe me. It is scary as hell to articulate my intentions and desires. But to kick it off for myself, here goes...

I want to keep writing and writing and writing, and I want to keep loving it.

I also want to make lots of money doing it!

I want honest, true love. Earth-shattering, passionate love, with a man I trust and respect, who thinks the world of me and vice versa. Who loves me as I am, who will be there for me, and will be my best friend.

I want the freedom to be whoever I want to be.

I want to keep challenging myself and growing every single day.

I want to have the courage to ask for what I want. Always.

There's more, but I think that's a good start, right?

What do you want?

Not a Snowball's Chance

2009-11-02T22:45:00.001-05:00

It's amazing what some men will try to get away with. We all flirt, it's human nature. It keeps life fun and interesting. But where is the line?

I used to be a field rep in the auto industry, and was literally paid to be sexually harassed by my clients on a daily basis. These guys tried every angle, whether they were married or not. I was called hon, sweetie, sweetcakes, wiggler, you name it, I was called it. I even thought about getting myself a fake engagement ring, thinking that would make it all stop, but from speaking with other women in the field, nothing would stop those guys. I didn't get it and left the industry after a few years.

What in the world makes these guys keep trying when they clearly haven't got a snowball's chance in hell???

It's interesting, from a sociological perspective. If you want to get evolutionary about it all, men's purpose within the tribe was to hunt and procreate, and if you follow that logic, I guess they haven't evolved much over the centuries! It's all about conquering, competition...Veni, vidi, vici, as Julius Ceasar said.

And yet, if they haven't conquered, they try, try, and try again. I guess it's in their DNA!

I once had a brief interlude with a guy, only to find out that he had a live-in girlfriend, who was a flight attendant. Convenient, huh? I ended it right away, but was willing to be friends, as I truly did enjoy his friendship. Of course, he took that as a sign that he could keep trying to get into my pants, even though I made it clear to him that I was off-limits! It got to the point where his persistence was so disrespectful to his girlfriend, I stopped taking his calls and ignored texts and emails. Fast forward to 6 or 7 years later, and he still attempts to reach out a few times a year, wishing me happy holidays or whatever. Just a year ago, he sent me a friend invite on Facebook. It's actually starting to border on harassment at this point, but I digress. Not a snowball's chance in hell, yet he still tries.

That creepy cyber sex fiend I mentioned last week? He emailed me today, asking, "Are we not lovers anymore?"

Hello??? Are you kidding me with this shit???!!!

What Am I?

2009-11-01T10:24:00.000-05:00

Where are you from?

I am asked this question all the time. There are a few ways I can answer, depending on who is asking the question, my mood, whether they are annoying me or not...etc.

I am:
A New Yorker
Chinese
A first generation American

And not necessarily in that order.

I often say I am a woman stuck between two worlds. I was raised Chinese AND American. While my father has been here since he was twelve, and grew up in the West Village, he's fairly old fashioned yet just wants me to be happy. My mom has been here since '69, and has accepted that I'm not the traditional Chinese daughter most parents hope for, but I'm pretty sure she's proud of me and my independence. My parents are very traditional, but they did raise me to be true to myself, and they get it.

I think.

I never went to Chinese school, even though they tried. Apparently, I kicked and screamed something so fierce, they gave up. As a child, my parents spoke English at home to us kids, because they thought we would get confused. In my grade school years, I was around other Chinese kids, but I was different because we didn't speak Chinese at home. Later on, we moved to the suburbs, and no more Chinese kids to hang out with, but I was still different. I came from Brooklyn and had a heavy accent. I didn't get suburban life. Actually, I still don't get suburban life, but that's a whole other story.

I do have my traditional moments, though. I celebrate the major holidays, and try my best to follow traditions. I respect my elders and ancestors, and never speak out in anger towards them. But is that enough to call me Chinese?

I can look at certain scenarios, and tell you whether my behavior or reaction would be my Chinese self or my American self. For example, not going to law school like my parents wanted - American-me. Cleaning my house from top to bottom right before New Year's Eve - Chinese-me. Not telling my pain-in-the-ass aunt to mind her own business and get a life - Chinese-me. Disagreeing with China's human rights policies or lack of - American-me.

And so on...but there are certain things about me that are neither American or Chinese. I'm not religious, yet spiritual, which is definitely not a result of either culture. And the fact that I'm not attracted to Asian men...where does that come from? A good Chinese daughter would suck it up and try anyway.

So who or what am I???

Actually, does it matter? I live in this world, just like everyone else. I think the way I think and act the way I act because I am very simply, ME. Chinese-me, American-me, New York-me.

I just am.

Good Advice

2009-10-29T23:10:00.001-04:00

I got a great comment today from Jacob about online dating. He accomplished what millions of us have been searching for - a happy, successful relationship resulting in marriage, AND they met online!

His advice to me was to:

stick to a 10 year age limit - done
get a picture - lesson learned...the hard way!
get rid of dudes who take their time sealing the deal - done
get rid of dudes who avoid basic questions - again, lesson learned the hard way!

Again, all great advice! I have one thing to add though:

get rid of dudes who ask nothing about you or what you write about in your profile

If they show a lack of interest in you and what you are about now, what will his interest level be 6 months from now???

Thanks again Jacob!

The Divorcee

2009-10-28T22:02:00.002-04:00

I just got back from a sublime weekend in San Diego, where I was visiting a girlfriend who moved out there. It was absolutely amazing - her apartment faces the ocean, the weather was perfect, I rented a Mustang convertible...the view from her balcony was an endless parade of half-dressed surfer dudes. What more could a girl want?

And as if all that wasn't enough, she said the dating scene is a thousand times easier out there. No games, no bullshit, no Mommy issues...! The men there actually want to meet women and try to have real relationships, not just fuck around, period, the end.

Wait, those types of men actually exist?!

So I sat down on her balcony with a glass of Pinot, eager to hear about the men whilst enjoying the view. She's been on a lot of great dates so far, and one actually worked out for a few months except for one thing. He was one of those dreaded divorcees. He talked about his ex-wife...

All. The. Time.

Ugh.

Okay, so I missed ex-wife issues in the list above. But you'll encounter that no matter where you live, right?

I still think it might be worth investigating a possible move...!

Is This For Real???

2009-10-26T21:30:00.001-04:00

It's week 2 of online dating, and I am kind of at a loss for words! I have no idea what's normal and what's not when it comes to amount of winks and emails you get from men, but I guess I'm doing okay so far.

As I've mentioned, I'm in sales, so I can engage and carry a conversation with just about anyone. But it seems most of these guys write the same canned opening email, "Hi gorgeous, I really liked what you had to say in your profile. Check out mine and if you like what you see, write back!" Snooze...can't they at least reference something I wrote in my profile, or say something funny...? Let me know you noticed something besides my picture!!! If I do write back, I always make it a point to mention something they wrote about in their profile, how else are you going to connect with a person???

I've been emailing with a handful of guys at this point, and most of them seem pretty nice so far. It's interesting, some of these guys will email you for days, then disappear after the 3rd or 4th email. Others get clingy and email ALL the time...I can't make heads or tails of it. Others treat you like a pen pal, which is also kind of weird to me...but what do I know?

There was one guy who was actually funny, so we exchanged several emails and then graduated to IM'ing late last week. We had about 2 or 3 really amusing chats, but I noticed he would evade all questions about himself or give really vague answers. Hmm...red flag. But it was fun, flirty, and he was amusing, you know? Seemed pretty harmless, I figured maybe he just takes his time opening up.

But the next thing I know, after exchanging a round of recent pictures with one another, he starts hinting about "naughty pictures". Um...I beg your pardon??? I brushed it off, thinking he was joking, but then his talk starts getting racier, asking me if I want to be "properly touched", and offering to send me pics of some "good stuff". Basically, he turned into a Creepy McCreeperson, a cyber sex fiend, the kind of guy that gives online dating a bad name!!!

Needless to say, I blocked his ass. Seriously...I'm not too thrilled with the world of online dating so far!!!

Adventures In Online Dating

2009-10-19T22:53:00.001-04:00

Last week, I thought it would be interesting to try out online dating, just to try something different and to see what's out there...you know, trying to shake things up. I had briefly tried it over a year ago, but met my ex shortly thereafter and that was the end of that venture.

It's interesting...browsing men as if shopping from a catalog. You can be proactive and reach out to them, or you can be passive and just see what comes your way. I'm kind of ~~chicken shit~~ shy about this whole process, so I'm pretty much letting them email me or sending a "wink" if I REALLY think they're cute.

So it's been a little less than a week, and pretty interesting so far. I replied to one guy who didn't have a picture on his profile, but he seemed nice from his email, and I didn't want to be closed-minded about this whole thing, so I wrote back. His next email still didn't have a pic, so I flat out asked him for it, and well...while he wasn't fugly, I definitely see why he didn't post it. That was a rookie mistake, huh? And I honestly didn't know what to do about it. If I send him a "no thanks" email or just stop replying, he'd know that it was because of his looks, and then I would seem like a vain and shallow bitch, right??? But what is my alternative here, I wasn't even that interested to begin with. So while I took the night and next day to decide what to do, he wrote me again, "you there?". The next day, he wrote another email, and yesterday, he wrote yet again. Needless to say, I didn't feel too bad about sending him a canned "no thanks" email after that.

Then this morning, I was looking through my recent emails and I noticed a trend...a fairly large number of the men emailing me are in the 40+ range. At 34, do I fall into THAT category already??? Not that I have a problem with older men. I just don't remember this many in that range emailing me the last time around. And there have been practically no men in their 20's emailing me. Do men look at my age and think "no way, she probably wants babies ASAP!"

Am I being subjected to online dating age discrimination??? Do they not believe me when I put "Maybe" in the kids question???

I'm not sure how I feel about online dating. I like to meet a person face to face, feel them out, see if I get a spark or even a tingle. But it's only been a week, and there are so many people I know who have had successful relationships from online dating, so why not, right?

Anyone have some tips for me?

Oh and btw, none of the guys I've sent "winks" to have returned the gesture, how rude!!!!

Just a Little Patience...

2009-10-14T22:13:00.002-04:00

I've always been the type of girl who once I've made up my mind about something, I want it right now. No good things come to those who wait for me, I'll say it till I'm blue in the face, but can't get myself to follow it, that's for sure.

We live in a culture that has evolved its focus to instant gratification. Want a new car? Instant bank approval. Want a new couch? Just run out and buy one! Have a hankering for brownies? You can make a batch in the microwave in just a few short minutes, or better yet, in New York, just get them delivered, why bother making it and cleaning dishes afterward? Domino's used to advertise delivery in 30 minutes or your pizza is free. Want that new CD? You don't even have to go to the store anymore, you can download it in less than a minute!

One-click checkout, one-stop shopping, buy online and have it delivered next day, drive-thru, EZ Pass, search for a date online, instant messaging, instant noodles, instant results, no waiting. Digital photos, DV-R, Video on Demand. Demand, demand, demand, now, now, NOW.

What is the rush? Where are we running to so fast?

I'm just as guilty of it...I get an itch for something, I go out and get it. If I want something done, I want it done quickly.

But it might be time to slow down. My ex taught me an Israeli saying, "The shortest way is the longest way." It totally makes sense. There is always some compromise when we do things quickly, whether it's quality, value, or what have you. This weekend, I painted my apartment and sanded the walls down to have proper paint application. Could I have just slapped a coat on and have been done with it? Of course, but would there still be dings, dents and holes? Yes. (There still are, but I'm working on this whole patience thing, give me some time!)

Time is already flying by, why should I help it along? We're already at mid-October, where did 2009 go?

I know it's a little late for New Year's Resolutions, but I'm going to make one now - slow down and take notice. Appreciate everything around me, notice everything I see and hear. Take time to laugh, live and enjoy. It's bad enough to be part of the rat race these days, I can at least take time to have fun before even more time just slips away.

Who's with me?!

The Other Side

2009-10-14T00:35:00.001-04:00

I met up with some friends for a late supper tonight - all of them were bachelors in their mid-50's, and all looking for...well, something. The first bachelor is a well-to-do artist, and still going through his Peter Pan phase, just looking for fun and play. Another has been divorced for over a year, and looking for love. And the last...well, let's just say his work is his mistress.

It was interesting to see and hear things from their perspective. They had a lot of the same gripes we do about the opposite sex and go through a lot of the same issues with dating and meeting people.

So what's the disconnect here? If these great, single men can't find love, and all the great, single women I know can't find love, what's going on? Could it be as simple as missed connections and bad timing? Or is there such a difference between what we put out there as a singleton vs. as a boyfriend/girlfriend that we just don't see it?

There's got to be something I'm missing here. I know we're all busy and it's hard to make the time to get to know someone, but where is that tipping point when you decide to make time and give them priority?

Or maybe it is true that men are from mars and women are from venus? This is the one and only dating book I've ever read, and I admit, a lot of it makes sense! If this book is correct, we all need a translator when speaking to the opposite sex. And just to give you the bare bones of the book - nothing makes men happier than making a woman happy, and women just want to be listened to and acknowledged.

But...even with all this good advice, why does it seem so difficult?

I'm Gonna Wash That Gray...

2009-10-09T00:03:00.001-04:00

It has begun...I found a thin, silvery-gray hair this morning. Right up there on the top of my head. The strand was fairly normal, except for that inch of gray that had started to grow at the root. It was an absolutely devastating way to start my day. Tragic!!!

I've found white hairs before. Not often, I'll see one maybe once or twice a year. But when I do find them, I can convince myself it's due to stress. Not this. I'm 34 now, and this is just a sign of more to come!

Of course I plucked the fucker right out. But I spent the rest of my day obsessing, wondering how many more haven't I found yet, how many are growing right now..?

This is just another reminder that I'm getting OLD. I'm AGING. UGH. I don't want to reverse the signs of aging, but can't I just stay right here, at 34? I'll admit that I am fortunate. People often mistake me for the younger sister, and usually think I'm still in my 20's. But with the grays coming, how long will that last???

Yeah, I'm a little vain. I can't help it. Men become "distinguished" as they age. Women just age. How unfair is that?

I'll fight this with all I've got. If I find another, I'll start coloring my hair and have fun with it. It's the least I can do! I won't start shooting my forehead with Botox, but let's see how I feel when my eyelids start sagging down to my cheeks! Like I said, I'm fighting this! I can't accept that it's all downhill from here.

Watch out grays and wrinkles, this is WAR!!!!!!

The Great Baby Race

2009-10-07T21:59:00.000-04:00

By the end of 2009, I will have 9 new babies in my life. My friends and family have been quite prolific in the last year. It seems everywhere I go, everywhere I look, people are procreating like rabbits. I hope to God it's not contagious.

You would think all this baby activity would make my clock start ticking, but no. Not even a slight hum. I honestly don't know if I have the gene that makes women want to create life. Don't get me wrong, I love babies! I'm thrilled for my friends, and get excited to see what they're experiencing and the life they're creating. I just don't know if I want to make one. I'll do all the horizontal practice it takes, but no babies, please!

Where does the urge come from? I have friends who think about it all the time, and can't wait to experience pregnancy. Im sorry, I don't know...I really don't get it at all. Give me another dog or cat to adopt, now that will get my heart melting!

Is something wrong with me? Am I selfish because I like my life, and my body, the way it is? I feel like if I decide I want children later on and I am no longer able, I can adopt. Problem solved, right?

Would I feel differently if I was in love?

I Found It!!!

2009-10-03T15:40:00.001-04:00

I thought I lost it. Really I did, and I was starting to get worried. I haven't been attracted to a man in about 2 months, and I was seriously beginning to wonder if I would ever feel it again. Now I mean really attracted, not the random passing, "Oh, he's kinda cute" thought. I mean desire. I really was starting to get worried. Did it get lost one night? Should I leave a light on, so it would find it's way back home, call out a search party? Was it gone forever???

But last night, it all came rushing back. Big time. I met a man, and he was HOT. Not just hot, I'm talking about...Holy Mother of God, absolutely unbelievable, never in my wildest dreams, drop-dead, fucking GORGEOUS. It hit me like a ton of bricks and literally caught me off guard (how could I see that coming if I thought my hot and bothered was on vacation, right?).

Last night, I had to take my wonderful adopted kitty to the photo studio. The little supermodel is going to be in next year's adoption group calendar! Now, the founder and I have known each other for 10 years, so she knows my history with photographers. Before we scheduled, she tells me he's already taken. Not to worry, I said, I've learned my lesson with them, twice, and I'm proud to say I'm done. Besides, all the people I've met through the adoption group have been a bit older, so I wasn't expecting anything other than a middle-aged man (sorry M!). Well...I was in for the shock of my life when I arrived downtown.

The studio door opened, and I found myself looking into the face of a man who could have been Gabriel Aubry's twin brother. I'm not even joking. I didn't know what to do. Again, it's been a few months since I've found myself being bowled over by a man and was really beginning to wonder if I would ever feel hot and bothered again (has that ever happened to any of you???). But last night, I was definitely hot AND bothered.

I know M said he was taken, so I hope I handled myself well. I hope he didn't see me checking out his butt. I hope he didn't see me blush. I was hoping he would become arrogant and turn me off, but he didn't. I wondered if the attraction was mutual. I hope I didn't act nervous or like a giggly school girl. I hope he couldn't tell I wanted to have his children immediately, which is amazing, because up until last night I had been completely ambivalent about the thought of bearing children! Sigh...

Alas, he is unavailable. Which has a sort of ironic poetry to it, doesn't it? Woman loses attraction to men, woman meets Gabriel Aubry look-alike, woman gets hot and bothered...man not interested and says "we" throughout photo session when talking about him and whoever. Life is cruel, my friends...so, so, so cruel.

Well, at least I've got my hot and bothered back!!!!

What Are We Writing For?

2009-09-30T23:41:00.001-04:00

This week, Entrepreneur Chick wrote about why we read and write blogs. It's a really good question. Reading the different blogs out there, you always wonder why they started writing, don't you?

Why do you read blogs? Are you satisfying that little voyeur deep down inside? Do you read to track trends, gather info, keep your finger on the pulse of an industry?

Why did I start writing this blog? To be honest, I started it to make my life easier. After my last relationship ended a few months ago, I began to find myself telling friends my latest bad date story over and over and over again. I don't mind, because I always manage to find the humor in a bad situation.

But at a get together one night, a friend's husband asked me, "So Chloe, any new bad date stories to tell us since the last time we saw you and you went out with the coke head?" I thought to myself, is this all I'm good for, entertainment??? I was still happy to make my friends laugh, but I was starting to bore myself after telling these stories to different groups of friends. I mean, it's good to laugh and feels even better to make others laugh, but it was time to streamline the process!

Then, Julie & Julia came out. Yes, I'm sure that movie inspired thousands, if not millions, to start blogging, and I am one of the masses. I admit it. I'll also admit that before I started writing my own blog, my experience with blogs was limited to gossip and the occasional NY Times blog.

I kicked the idea around for a few days...how many other women have bad date experiences, but need help finding the humor? If I share my stories, maybe others will have a different perspective of theirs...? If my friends find these stories funny, why not share the laughs?

So I started writing, and I realized I really, really love it! I asked myself every day for those first few weeks, why didn't I start this years ago??? Is anyone reading? Does anyone even care???

To my readers, I truly hope I make you laugh once in a while. This is me, thanking you for reading :)

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

2009-09-28T22:57:00.000-04:00

When you're on a first date that is complete dullsville, or maybe it's not a total loss, but you know you don't have any interest in a second, how do you handle it? Do you say you'll call and then just don't? Or do you go the other route and say, "Call me", but then ignore all his follow up calls? Or, do you tell him the truth and say, "I'm sorry, but I'm just not that into you"?

Is it mean, to be so honest? Okay, maybe the last example was too honest, but you get my what I'm saying here.

I have a speech...a first date "Let-Down" speech. It's pretty well-rehearsed by now, and has been fine-tuned over the last few years. It's gentle, kind, but very clear. I believe in respect, honesty, and not wasting anyone's time (mine or theirs). But I'm also not interested in wasting my energy avoiding phone calls or lying to people. It's just not my thing. I only deliver the "speech" as needed, and have learned to be careful with it. I've learned that honesty is a rare, and therefore, very powerful thing!

So it goes something like this: if I'm on a date and just not feeling any cha-cha, I'll stay for 1, maybe 2 drinks max, which should be about an hour or so. I figure that's long enough to be polite, and if he isn't terribly boring or a major asshole, not too much time has been lost. I'm in sales, so I can pretty much talk to anybody. Plus, I find people interesting, so sometimes it can be quite entertaining, and I can almost always find a reason to laugh!

After a fair amount of time has passed, I'll start winding it down, saying that I need to be getting home and that it's a busy week for me so I can't be out late (usually pretty true on a school night, I ALWAYS schedule first dates on school nights so there is an automatic exit strategy). As we walk out of the bar, restaurant, or wherever, if, and only if he starts to allude to a second date, like, "This was fun, we should do this again sometime..." Then I feel it's only fair to not play games and be honest with him, so I deliver my speech, and it goes something like this:

"I had very a nice time talking and getting to know you tonight, thank you so much. I definitely would want to hang out again as friends, but I just don't think there is any chemistry here, I'm sorry."

Is that too harsh? You'd be surprised at some of the reactions I've gotten.

One guy, let's call him Dragon Breath, practically ran into traffic to get away from me after the speech because he was so shocked. I have to admit, it wasn't exactly an Academy Award winning performance, but he had MAJOR dragon breath, and he was going in for a kiss, so I totally panicked and kind of just blurted it out. I couldn't help it, it was a knee-jerk reaction, really! It was either that, or let him kiss me and puke all over him, it was THAT BAD!!!

Next time I'm in a similar situation, I'll tell him I don't kiss on the first date, and THEN deliver the speech, would that be better?

Do I Have a White-Boy Fetish?

2009-09-24T23:49:00.002-04:00

As I've mentioned in The Gynecologist's Advice and in The White Knight, I don't really date Asian men. I'm just not attracted to them, I can't help it. Plus, much to my mother's dismay, other than the ones I'm related to, I don't know any. What is a girl to do?

It was back in college when I somehow lost my attraction to Asian men. How does that happen? Did I forget it somewhere, like in the university library, when I re-shelved that copy of Deviant Psychology? Or maybe someone borrowed it with my Psychedelic Furs CD and never gave it back...? Or was I robbed?

Not that I'm sad about it, but my Mom sure is. She wonders what I have against Chinese men, and thinks it's an insult, like I think they're not good enough for me or something. Sorry Mom, but I've tried. You just can't force these things.

It's not like I can control who I'm attracted to. I just don't look at an Asian man and think, "oh baby". And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. So does that mean I have a white-boy fetish???

There are many terms for men who have an Asian fetish - Rice Queen (I know, that only applies to gay men, but it's soooo much funnier than the term Rice King), Yellow Fever, Rice Lover, Asiaphile (I found that one in Wikipedia)...none very flattering. Christ, is there a term for those of us who exclusively date White boys? And is ours a fetish, or simply a preference?

Amongst the few Asians I do know, very few of us would date a White boy who only dates Asians. It's just creepy. You never know if they want you for you, or for the fantasy. You know what fantasy I'm talking about. The quiet, submissive, Geisha-girl, laugh oh-so-politely-behind-your-hand laugh, and never talk back. That is NOT me. I love to laugh out loud, and I will talk back. I am quite the antithesis of my China doll appearance, and while I do embrace my feminine side, I am extremely independent. I simply don't fit the expectations...or the fantasy, if you will.

I bumped into an ex a few weeks ago while having dinner at Japonais with a friend. Apparently he was on an eHarmony date, which was funny, because the last time I bumped into him, I think he was on his way to a Match date. A few days later, I was on the phone with a girlfriend we each still keep in touch with, and mentioned bumping into him. She asked me if his date was Chinese, which I didn't know, but of course I had to ask why. I wish I hadn't, because it seems since we broke up nearly 10 years ago, he has almost exclusively dated Asians. Now THAT is creepy.

Ah well, to each his own, right? At least I can say I was the first!

So what's wrong with me? Maybe something in my brain is just wired differently...

It's time to crawl into bed, so I think I'm going to stop analyzing it and just love me (and my preferences) as I am!

The White Knight

2009-09-23T21:17:00.000-04:00

We all have a list of things we look for in a boyfriend. Smart, funny, good-looking, motivated, attentive, healthy, no Mommy-issues, financially stable (no more deadbeats for me), honest, blah blah blah. I'm not sure what is on men's list, but I guess the basics are about the same, right? Most women I've talked to have very similar lists, but there is one trait not a single person has mentioned, and it honestly has never even crossed my mind until today.

As I was discussing "checklists" with a friend earlier today, he asked me: When you are dating someone, is there an expectation that they will be able to protect you?

It's a really good question. In all the times I've thought about what I look for in a man, I have never specifically asked for a big, strong man. But don't we all look for that in some form or another? I have a habit of dating men who have served in the Armed Forces - my last boyfriend was a fighter pilot in the Israeli Air Force. So, is it just assumed that we look for it? Is it taboo for a modern girl to say it aloud?

Aren't we all looking for a knight in shining armor?

In spite of never having specified strength and brawn, I have referred to it in conversation on occasion. Last year, a few girls and I were at R Bar, and this drunk-ass girl picked a fight with my friend's boyfriend. Being drunk himself, he got in her face, she started pushing him, it wasn't pretty. My girlfriend calmed her boyfriend down, but the drunk girl's boyfriend (who happened to be Asian), did absolutely nothing. He didn't stand up for her, he didn't get in the middle and try to protect her, he just stood by, and let her pick a fight and come close to blows with a man. It was pathetic - I turned to another friend, and said that what just happened is yet another reason I don't date Asian men. I know it's a stereotype, but I can't help it, Asian men just don't convey strength and the illusion of protector.

But I digress...Look at what we've done in the last few decades, ladies - we've gone through the sexual freedom of the 60's, the feminist 70's, the power-suited working girls of the 80's, and onto the late 90's, which gave us Sex & the City. In this day and age, we have been conditioned to be independent, self-sufficient, and confident. We can have it all, but are we allowed to be vulnerable at the same time? Do we need someone to protect us from the Big Bad Wolf? I sure as hell do.

I don't consider myself to be a feminist. I'm pretty sure the women in my circle believe in the strength, beauty and power of women, but would not call themselves feminists either. No, we're definitely not feminists. But we're not allowed to be vulnerable either. We have been taught that vulnerable = weak. And weak just doesn't work in this city.

Having lived alone for close to a decade, I can take care of my bills, have disposable income to play with, am perfectly capable of fixing my toilet and can caulk like nobody's business. But at the end of the day, I am looking for someone who will watch over me.

While I don't want someone who is aggressive, I do want a man who will stand up for me, and when I think about it, I do watch for cues that will make me feel safe when I am out on a date, like as we cross the street, does he walk on the side of oncoming traffic? Does he look out for the sidewalk grills when I'm wearing heels? If we pass a rowdy group of men, would he put himself between us as we walk by?

What do you think? Am I old-fashioned? What do you look for in a partner? Would you shun a man who wants to be your knight in shining armor?

Fortune Cookie 9.21.2009

2009-09-21T22:47:00.001-04:00

Fortune Cookie of the day:
"Simplify"

I love it! It's only one word, but it speaks volumes. Simplify.

Fall is upon us, and it's time to clean out my closets - literally and figuratively. This is the time of year we start to clear the clutter and lighten the load. I love that feeling I get when I ruthlessly tear through my closet and the donation pile gets larger and larger. If I haven't worn it in a year, out it goes. Those books I have no intention of ever reading again? Do a book exchange with a friend, or put it in the donation pile. DVD's I never watch? Leave them in the basement for the neighbors to benefit from. All the stuff that accumulates in the junk drawer? Garbage! Old papers? Shred and recycle.

And that extends to life as well. Those "friends" I wrote about a few weeks ago who do nothing but pollute and spread their negativity? I'm sorry, but it's time to let go, or at least to put a lot of space between us. I wish you the best and will support you with as much positive energy as I can provide...from afar.

I want a fresh, clean slate for my next adventure. I'd like to make room for my spirit and heart to grow, a clear path for my mind to explore and play! If you're consumed with clutter, how else will you know what you desire in life?

Simplify!

Potential Jesus Freak, Part II

2009-09-17T23:40:00.000-04:00

We left off the other day at the end of my first date with the Potential Jesus Freak. Honestly, in spite of the premature revelation about his love of God, I had a good time. He made me laugh, conversation flowed easily, he seemed fun!

After our date, we continued to talk and email, getting to know one another. This whole experience taught me it really IS good to take your time getting to know someone. No more rushing into things, especially into bed, for me. Date #2 was that...interesting!

We went out to dinner for our second date, and it was nice. Again, great conversation, good food. The after-dinner conversation, however, was a whole other story. As soon as we walked out of the resto, we started walking around and the first thing he asked me was, "So Chloe, tell me something about yourself I don't already know."

I stood there, thinking to myself, was that a real question??? What does he need to know RIGHT NOW that he can't learn naturally over the course of time? I was stumped. I hate questions like that - the questioner tries to make it seem spontaneous but they're really not. So I'm wracking my brain, trying to think of something, anything that's not a stupid mundane or routine factoid. And the only thing I can think of is, "Well...I did a lot of partying and drugs in my early 20's, therefore I don't remember most of that period of my life, but I can confidently say I had a lot of fun"?

(Yes, this is what comes out of my mouth when put on the spot and asked stupid questions like that.)

Him: Oh, okay...and where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

Now I'm starting to feel all the fun sucked out of me and getting kind of annoyed. This was starting to feel like a job interview. I know some people approach dating that way, but I don't. I think of a date as a chance to go out with someone new, have a good time, and at the same time, get to know each other. But the ultimate goal of the night should be FUN, not to run through a checklist of questions. I thought these must be his standard second date questions, and was wondering when he was going to hand me my sealed test packet and #2 pencil. Is the whole test comprised of essay questions, or will there be multiple choice too?

And who asks that question, anyway? I guess I'm more of a live for the day kind of person. I don't even know where I'll be 10 days from now, much less 10 years! But again, this is why you should never shit where you eat. I couldn't blow him off because he was a client, so the utmost diplomacy had to be employed here.

Me: Well, I guess I'm not really much of a planner, so who knows where I'll be 10 years from now. All I can say is I'll probably still be living here in the city, because I don't want to live anywhere else. Hopefully I'll be a little more settled, and hopefully a little bit smarter.

Him: What do you mean by settled?

Me: (Barely disguised rolling eyes) Well, I don't want to live in a studio apartment forever, so I'd like a bigger apartment.

Him: Does bigger apartment mean settled to you???

Me: Of course it's a part of it. I would hope to be with someone down the line and therefore need a bigger apartment. Do I want to settle down? Of course, eventually. But only with the right man. I'm not going to settle with someone just to be married and have kids because it's what's "supposed" to happen.

Him: And what did you mean by smarter?

Me: (Jesus Christ, is he taking notes???) Well, hopefully you learn something new every day, and if I'm still alive 10 years from now, hopefully I will have retained some of the lessons I've learned along the way! (Like never to go out with you again after tonight!!!)

Him: So what do you pursue in life, Chloe?

Me: (Now I'm really losing my patience) *sigh* That's a very broad question, what do you mean?

Him: Well it's your life, what do you pursue?!

Me: Oh God...I pursue lots of things. Let's see...I pursue...money. I pursue career growth. I pursue good relationships, whether it's with friends, family, what-have-you. I pursue...fun...and I pursue enlightenment.

Him: And what does enlightenment mean to you?

AHA!!! There was my window to make sure he would NEVER want to ask me on another date again!

Me: Well, as a non-religious person who doesn't believe in organized religion at all...To me, enlightenment means awareness of self, the universe, and having awareness of how those energies correlate to one another. While I don't believe in God, I am spiritual. I do believe there is a higher being or maybe even beings out there. And if there is a God and he's omnipotent like religions say he is, then he knew I would be secular, so he should be okay with it. I don't think he'd care if l'il ole me in this whole entire universe decided not to pray or go to church to worship him or her. I'm pretty sure there are other things going on out there.

Him: But you have to agree there is sin. And that there needs to be forgiveness of sin. I think God requires a personal relationship with each and every one of us.

Me: No, I don't believe in the concept of sin, or confession. I believe in being a good person and think of life in terms of right and wrong, and if you have wronged, you only need to ask yourself and the party or parties you've wronged for forgiveness. As long as you've asked them for forgiveness, the rest is about how you reconcile within yourself, the universe as a whole, and whatever energy you put out there to the world.

Him: And what would enlightenment mean to you if you were religious?

Me: (He just DOESNT give up, does he?) I can't answer that question.

Him: Why not?

Me: Because I'm NOT religious. I would never even attempt to assume to know what enlightenment meant to a religious person. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in organized religion. I think organized religion was created to control people through fear and judgement. I think religion is the cause of almost all our wars. I don't equate enlightenment with religion, I can't answer that question for you.

At this point, I was really tired of the Spanish Inquisition and didn't feel like talking anymore. I figured it's time for him to answer a question or two, to give me a break from talking so I can figure out how I can bow out gracefully and go home to do something fun, like laundry.

Me: So what about you, what do you pursue in life?

Him: Well, I pursue one thing and one thing only. Everything else in my life just supports that one thing.

So this is how NON-religious I am, I was thinking he's going to say true love...maybe family...or even possibly career. No. Of course none of those answers were right, dumb-ass.

Him: ...And that one thing is God.

Me: (HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. Is he serious??? Don't make a face, don't run, keep him talking so you can keep thinking about how to get the hell out of here! How the hell did this guy get on the island of Manhattan? Who talks like this here???) Wow...really...huh...and...how does pursuing job promotions and advancement in your career help you with your pursuit of God?

My mind was reeling. In hindsight, I know I should have expected that answer, but I'll admit, I was dumb. That answer REALLY threw me off guard! I honestly don't even know what his response was because I was in such shock. I just kept hmm-mmm-ing and nodding at random intervals, which I guess worked because he kept talking and talking.

At this point I wasn't sure if I was doing a good job of quelling his interest or not. Did he think he could try to save my soul, and deliver me to his Lord and Saviour??? I just wanted to go home and put this behind me. So I started yawning. And yawned some more. Conversation about religion and my non-religiousness continued, so I got desperate and actually told him I'm more likely to believe the evidence and theories that aliens dropped off our ancestors in Egypt to populate the world than I believe in the story of Adam and Eve. Yes, I basically told him I would be willing to be a Scientologist. Have you seen that show Ancient Aliens on the History Channel? Very interesting and compelling theories!

That emphatic statement, coupled with all my yawning finally did the trick. He asked me if I was tired, gave me a hug, hailed me a cab and I was on my way home. He didn't send me the standard follow up text, never called to say he had a good time, thank God (if there is a God). And a week later, I started working with his counterpart at the client site instead of him. Thankfully he was a mature adult and we were friendly, but nothing more. Phew! Could you imagine if we had actually kissed or something? YUCK.

That was an extremely painful reminder that one should never shit where they eat. Lesson re-learned! I will never, ever, EVER go out with a client again!!!

Potential Jesus Freak, Part I

2009-09-16T00:44:00.001-04:00

A few years ago, I broke one of my own cardinal rules by agreeing to go out with a client. He got under my skin slowly, and before I knew it, I was intrigued. It all started with random phone calls about minor issues that really could have been handled by tech support, then follow up emails and follow up emails to my follow up emails...at first I thought it was cute that he had a crush on me, but as the communication became more frequent, I guess he hooked me somewhere along the way. Hey, the guy made me laugh. A LOT.

Fortunately, because I thought it was so funny and cute at first, my boss knew about the increased communication, and was actually all in favor of a pairing. So when he called to ask me out to brunch, I agreed. I figured, my boss knows and approves, so why not? My ass is covered. You hear about successful relationships where the couple met at work, so maybe it could happen to me too, right?

He was quite the gentleman, and would always ask for permission to call me in the evening or over the weekend. He was extremely attentive during conversation, never interrupted, and really listened. Our interaction and conversations up to the first date were really positive and I was excited about the upcoming date. Maybe I had finally met a funny, great, normal guy!

We agreed to brunch on a spring Saturday, and we had a great meal at Freemans. He loved food just as much as I did, which was a huge plus. He wasn't too into sports, another plus. Loved music and going to live shows, plus. Loves to travel. This guy was looking better and better as we progressed. He was very close to his parents and family, but they all lived in the midwest - BONUS.

Brunch led to a walk around downtown. We were having a really good time, talking and window shopping. We started talking about life in NYC, how there's so much to do, and he mentioned there's a lot he would like to do but hasn't yet because he hasn't found the right partner, like museums, the beach, the caribbean, etc. How cute, he just wants a playmate, right? He tells me he hasn't had that many girlfriends up to this point, because he has been patiently waiting for the right girl to come along. A bit sappy and a little too Nicholas Sparks-inspired, but still cute.

I asked why doesn't he do these things (vacations, museums, concerts, etc.) with his friends, and apparently they're pretty much all married and have kids. Of course we start to talk about his friends more, and he mentions that he has met most of them at his church.

Pause...

Me: Do you go to church often?

Him: If I'm in town, yes, every Sunday.

Me: Oh...um, are you religious?

Him: I've been back and forth with the Methodist church, but recently I've become more involved and have been seeking a relationship with God again. Are you?

Me: No, not at all, I'm spiritual, but not religious. At all. Actually, I don't believe in organized religion. At all.

Him: But you have to agree that there is sin and that we need to be forgiven for our sins.

Me: (This is way too deep for a first date, time to change the subject.) Hmmm...yeah...I can respect that view. So, in all your travels with work, what was your favorite city in the world???

The rest of the date went fairly well, considering that little blip. But I have to admit I was a bit worried about the whole church and religious thing. Not that I can't respect another person's views, and it wasn't a deal-breaker for me, but I did feel like I needed to keep an eye on it. Like, if this progressed into a relationship, would he expect me to wake up early on Sunday and go to church with him? Because there was no way in hell that was happening. More likely that I'd tell him not to wake me on his way out! And if I met his friends, would they think I'm bad because I take pole dance classes and own stripper heels? And what about the fact that I have potty mouth? Do I have to try to reign that in?

The odd thing is, if he had told me he was Jewish and religious, it wouldn't have bothered me in the least. Maybe it's because I'm from Brooklyn, and therefore am a quarter Jewish by default...? Or maybe it's because I grew up in a Christian church and that experience has made me especially weary of Christians in general...?

Again, Jewish, no problem. And Catholic probably wouldn't have bothered me too much either. But Methodist...? I don't know. I get that some people go to church for the sense of community. But based on our conversation, it led me to believe he was looking for way more than community. It's not often you meet a religious, practicing Methodist in NYC. At least, not in my travels. Where do they hang out? Besides church, that is.

Who knows...as always, I was trying to keep an open mind about it all and not pass judgement. Maybe I could respect his views, and he could respect mine, right? Also, I didn't want to offend my client, even if we were both mature adults about everything. (Now I remember why it was my cardinal rule. Never shit where you eat, Chloe!!!)

Stay tuned, and we'll see what happens next, when I tell you about date #2!

Football Trumps Date

2009-09-14T20:49:00.000-04:00

How's this for a twist: my girlfriend met a nice, funny guy at a bar the other night. He wasn't quite her type, but he had her belly-laughing all night, which is definitely a plus with her and peaked her interest. After all, there's nothing more appealing than having your funny bone tickled, right?

They were getting along great, and as she hoped, he asked her out. But before she could say yea or nay or even play coy, he decided to prequalify the date by stating, "But, I'm pretty swamped watching football games this weekend."

Umm...seriously?

I suppose it's nice to know his priorities up front, but come on dude, you're really going to put a hot woman on hold for football??? He then tells her that he's lost a few girlfriends due to football season, and if they had met at another time of the year, he would have more time.

Digging that hole a lot deeper, buddy...do you really think you've sold her on that date now?

Is that really how it works? Maybe he wasn't that into her, but he asked her out, not the other way around. I thought if you're into a person, you do what you need to do to nail down that first date, no?

And it's not just football season. I was once pursued by this guy for weeks, and due to our schedules, we were having a tough time getting it together. During one attempt to coordinate schedules, I had suggested brunch, and he actually told me that he's "not really a brunch person, what else do you have for me?"

Wow, really? Is that what you have for me???

Not very impressive, boys. You haven't even woo'ed enough to confirm the first date yet, but you're already putting us to the side and basically saying: you're not that important.

I guess guys have different priorities, but if I like a guy, while I won't completely rearrange my schedule, I would forgo certain things to plan a date. You won't see me saying no to a date because Project Runway or Dancing With the Stars is on!

And so another one bites the dust...but I think we can safely say she's actually ahead of the game on this one!

The Big Gamble

2009-09-10T23:32:00.001-04:00

I was having dinner with my girl, FS, tonight. We were winding down our perfect girly evening at S Factor, which was great as usual! FS and I always have a great time together, and can talk about absolutely anything. Dinner talk tonight ran the gamut, but eventually led to her upcoming wedding, and then to the dating scene.

She told me tonight that she's so happy she found the love of her life, because she thinks dating is absolutely scary, and she can't believe how brave I am to do it. "What's so scary about it?", I ask. And she asked me a question I've never ben asked before. "How do you know he's not crazy???"

The fact is, I don't know. But if you don't try, how do you know what's out there? It's funny, while i do take the usual precautions, being scared of the guy has never crossed my mind, even though this city is filled with crazies! Maybe if i bring a guy home very shortly after meeting him, sure, the question, "How do I know this guy isn't a rapist?", might pop into my head, but obviously if there's any inkling, I just don't go there. Thankfully my gut hasn't led me astray in 20 years of dating!

But what is the alternative? Should I just not date? Stay home with my cat, and wait until Mr. Right knocks on my door? Outside of the business world, I don't think of myself as a risk-taker. I don't jump out of airplanes or buy high-risk stocks, but I do know that I am a risk-taker with matters of the heart.

No pain, no gain, right ladies and gents?

It's incredibly scary, to take that leap of faith. You're gambling with your heart, after all! I'll admit that when I feel myself realizing that I am into a guy, I get nervous, create doubts, and look for reasons the whole thing won't work. But I've learned over time that it's just jitters and completely normal. So I let it pass, and forge ahead.

I want love and passion in my life, not an okay relationship, or someone that's just there because "something is better than nothing". I guess I'd rather be happy on my own instead of the alternative. Who wants to go through life merely tolerating a person?

So I'll continue to take that leap...and hopefully, one day this big gamble will pay off!

Friendship vs. Me-Me-Me-ship?

2009-09-08T23:08:00.001-04:00

Fortune cookie of the day:

"The only rose without a thorn is friendship."

That's true...but what is one to do when you suddenly realize your friendship has grown thorns?

There are so many degrees of friendship. There are friends you speak to every day, several times a day. There are friends you can call after a 3-year absence and pick up like you just spoke yesterday. You have work friends, friends who become your extended family, friends you can always count on and friends you just meet for drinks or the occasional dinner.

But over the years, I've noticed there is a small percentage of friendships that are more or less one-sided. Like the friend who only calls when they need something from you. Or what about that friend you realize isn't capable of sharing you with other people? You know the one I'm talking about - the one who acts territorial, is inexplicably rude and constantly redirecting attention back to themselves when others are brought into the mix. Are those friendships, or simply a me-me-me-ship?

There's also the friend who constantly has something to complain about. Seriously, how can one person have THAT much to complain about? The one who gives you a stomach ache every time you hang out because they have so much drama and angst. They drain you and suck every iota of energy out of you. Actually, they're all draining, but this one is soooo draining because they're just so...negative.

At what point do we draw the line and say enough is enough?

Every relationship - whether friends, lovers, coworkers or family - has its ups and downs. It's natural. We're human, we're all self-absorbed to a degree and we all have flaws. Relationships take work. But they're also a two-way street. (Am I starting to sound like a therapist here?)

So how do you determine whether it's just a minor imperfections to overlook or truly a thorn?

Tell me people, has the rose lost its bloom?

Wow...all that from one little fortune cookie, huh?

The Healing Properties of Shopping

2009-09-07T13:55:00.001-04:00

The past week kicked my ass. Literally and figuratively. First I get unsolicited dating advice from my gynecologist, next my ex-boyfriend's big announcement, and then I really got knocked on my ass with a bout of tonsillitis and have been in bed for the last 6 days. Seriously, who gets tonsillitis past the age of 16?

So that is how I ended my summer. This is probably my first string of coherent thoughts in about 5 days.

And what is a girl to do after a week like that? Go shopping, of course. I woke up this morning and realized for the first time in days, I didn't feel like dying. So I went for a walk just to get some air and sun, and recalled that when I was on the bus on my way to the doctor the other day, the Aldo in my neighborhood was advertising a 70% off moving sale. I don't typically buy their shoes, but I figured it couldn't hurt to check out such a huge sale, right?

Apparently, it was just what the doctor ordered!

I browsed around at Aldo and I picked up a pair of gorgeous platform stilettos for $67 and another cute pair of platforms for $27! Like I said, I don't typically buy their shoes, but for that price, and considering platform stilettos is a trend that will be here for another year at most, who cares? They'll be great with jeans or with a retro minidress.

Plus, they make me TALLER! (Hey, at 5' 3", I could use it, my tall personality only gets me so far!)

The bargains gave me such a rush, my little walk turned into a mini-excursion. Next I stopped at Lush, where I picked up a delicious sugar scrub and a few yummy bath bombs for myself. I love their products and the fact that they're 100% natural. Lush products are always great for a quickie pick-me-up, plus everything smells sooooo good in there. I can't wait to soak in the tub when I'm feeling better!

Lastly, I hit Loehmann's, which is always good for a brag-able bargain. I got a gorgeous pair of comfy Franco Sarto knee-high boots for $80 and another amazing pair of Italian stilettos by Claudia Ciutti for $62.

How do you say no to prices like that??? As much as I'm going to miss summer, I can't wait to wear my new boots with a pair of skinny jeans or with leggings and a long cardigan or sweater.

I am now absolutely exhausted after all that shopping, but definitely feeling so much better. Maybe I'll use one of my bath bombs tonight.

Now, where to wear all my new shoes...?

Fortune Cookie 9.2.2009

2009-09-02T23:35:00.000-04:00

Fortune cookie of the day:
"Manage your affairs with grace. It will bring surprising results."

Considering yesterday's bombshell, pretty good advice.

I've been wondering all day why yesterday's announcement threw me for such a loop. Hearing about the baby earlier this year didn't faze me at all. In fact I really was happy for him. So why the melt down???

I suppose some of it had to do with the conversation I had with my gyno the previous day. But I think a larger part of it was...a reminder of the passage of time. That while I have moved on, and grown as a person, I'm not getting married and I'm not having a baby.

I'm not, and he is.

There, I said it. Are strong, independent, self-confident women allowed to say things like that? Oh well, I just did.

And the crazy thing is, my clock isn't even ticking. I don't look at babies and feel a yearning to have one. I've had inklings, but nothing full-fledged. And not in a long time. Maybe if I was in love I would feel differently. But then again, maybe I wouldn't, who knows.

So for now, I'll just follow the advice of whoever it was who wrote this fortune. I'll manage my affairs with grace.

Let's see what surprises will come my way!

The Big WHOA

2009-09-01T15:52:00.000-04:00

He's getting married. He's getting married???!!! HOLY SHIT

HOLY FUCK

I don't...words...can't...I can't...

My ex, my very own Mr. Big...the international jet-setting playboy that I was stupid and young enough to go back and forth with for years...

Is getting MARRIED.

I just got the Save the Date. Yeah...we're still friends. We're actually great as friends. As lovers, we were never very nice to each other. Well, it also didn't help that he didn't know how to keep his pants on.

I knew about the girlfriend...it's been a few years now, I think. I've been told she's really great. I also knew she was pregnant, and it's a boy. And I was happy for him. Truly, truly happy for him and excited. Really!!!

Then I got the email this afternoon. A save the date email. For a big blowout wedding in Vegas sometime next spring.

And I'm shocked. I'm truly, truly shocked. I shouldn't be, right? I mean, she's having his baby, after all. And he sounds happy, which is great.

Should I go?

I mean, I'm happy for him, but do I have to be THAT happy for him? I'm over him. Been over him, but this...this...is just...HUGE. Crazy.

It would be weird. Too weird. I can't go. Not unless I'm engaged too. Ha-ha, just kidding!

No...what's the point in making a show. I'm not going to go. I'll send a lovely, thoughtful gift and call it a day. That'll work, right?

Would I be able to invite my ex to my wedding? Could I be that big and mature? I'd like to think I would. I'd like to think that I would be able to share such a special, momentous occasion with him if it ever happens to me.

Jesus Christ, I can't believe he's actually getting married...

The Gynecologist's Advice

2009-08-31T15:36:00.002-04:00

This morning, I went to see my gynecologist for my annual checkup, and while I was there, I got way more than just a Pap smear and a grope.

The morning's adventure started like it normally does. I got to the doctor's office, checked in, sat down in the waiting room which was FILLED with pregnant women and their husbands. Seriously, I was the only non-preggers female in the room (and possibly one of the few in all of NYC). I filled out my paperwork, waited patiently for my turn to sit in the exam room, waiting in that ugly blue-green gown, opened in front, completely naked underneath.

My doc didn't keep me waiting long, thankfully, considering how much fun it is sitting in those cold rooms practically naked. We made the usual conversation, I assured her I haven't had any issues in the last year, and we started my exam. I was scared she was going to tell me it was time to go for my first mammogram, but luckily she didn't bring it up. So I stuck my feet in the stirrups, scooted my butt down to the end of the table, and she started doing her thing with the metal thingy and scraping away for the smear.

As she was down there, she asked, "So Chloe, are you dating anyone right now?" And considering she does need to know what's going on down there, I admit, "Umm...no one special right now, no."

"No?" she asks again.

"No, my ex and I broke up a few months ago, he decided to move back to Israel and I wasn't part of that plan." I inform her.

Why am I telling her this???

"You know, no matter what they say, Jewish men will always end up with their own. Trust me, I've been there. But it's time to get moving, you're starting to lose time!"

Excuse me??? This is what I came here for? I thought I was here to make sure my health is in order?

"Yes, I know...it's not easy finding good guys in NY, unfortunately. And for whatever reason, I'm not attracted to Asian men."

Again, why was I telling her this???? I know I was in a vulnerable position, but seriously?!

"You don't have to marry an Asian, I didn't. But believe me, stay away from Jews, they'll never marry you."

Thanks for the advice, lady. Can you just do whatever you need to do down there, feel up my boobs and spare me the reminder that my eggs are getting old? This is a lecture I expect from my mom, NOT my gynecologist, especially when she's got her hand up my you-know-what!

I should have kicked her in the head while she was down there.

Or...asked if she knew any cute, single doctors!!!

Fortune Cookie 8.30.2009

2009-08-30T22:00:00.002-04:00

Fortune cookie of the day:

"The longest journey is the journey inwards."

Wow...very deep for a fortune cookie, but so true! Should this one have started, "Confucius says..."?

When Dreams Come True

2009-08-30T01:04:00.001-04:00

One of my sister's childhood friends just got engaged. You would think this would be the most exciting time of her early adult life, but she's not exactly thrilled. He proposed on her 30th birthday, before thousands during the fireworks display at Disney World, which I guess is just a tiny bit of pressure.

When she announced the engagement to my sister, she wasn't wearing the ring. She fished it out of her purse, in a Ziplock baggie. Hmm..maybe it's just me, but that's not exactly a good sign. So, why isn't she excited?

They had never discussed marriage before, so the proposal was completely out of the blue. When they got back to New York, she asked him why. His great, romantic answer was, "Well, if it was my choice, I wouldn't be engaged at the age of 27, but you're not getting any younger, so I figured why not now."

Wow...this guy is a catch!

Wait, so let's bottom-line the situation here. His main reason for marrying her is because he thinks she's getting to be an old maid, therefore he has no choice. Yes...he is a winner, all right! And I guess she is too, because she didn't tell him to shove it.

What is going on here? What strong, intelligent, independent woman in her right mind would stay with a man who's reason for getting married is, "Because you're an old maid"?

Where is the passion, the love, the "You're the love of my life, I can't live without you. Please marry me and grow old with me"?

Why do people date and get married? I suppose there are those who do it to get out of this great circus we call dating, some do it for money or even a green card...some so they'll have a baby-daddy, and some actually do it for true love.

Tell me, what does a marriage make?

We're not sure what has happened in the last week, but as of now, the engagement is still on. My sister, fabulous friend that she is, has pledged to stick by her girl through the engagement, the marriage, and also for the divorce. Any bets on how long this one will last?

Sigh...I have to admit, it's stories like this that make me glad I'm single. I want deep, passionate, free-falling love. I want to grow old with someone that will be with me through the good and the bad, who will be my greatest champion, my partner in crime...someone to play with, and laugh over stories like this with! Someone who will love me for my craziness, will always know exactly when I need a hug, and who will love me in spite of the fact that I get irritable when I'm hungry, grumpy when I'm tired, and not exactly rational when I'm pms-ing!

Now that, my friends, is the kind of love that happens when dreams come true!

13 Reasons She Doesn't Want A Second Date | The Frisky

2009-08-27T17:28:00.002-04:00

13 Reasons She Doesn't Want A Second Date | The Frisky

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The S Factor Bruise

2009-08-26T22:18:00.011-04:00

I am bruised, battered, and am on cloud nine! After much delay, I finally made it back to S Factor class, thereby concluding my 6-month break from pole dancing!

Ahhh bruises...words can't express how much I have missed you! My knees...are a good, solid PURPLE. My right wrist...bright red and incredibly swollen. My ribs, my calves, the top of my right foot, the inside of my bicep...all battered!

Why do I put myself through such pain and torture, you ask?

FREEDOM

To let go and feel like a kid again! Do you remember how it felt to push your swing as high as you dared? How thrilling and daring it felt to hang upside down on the monkey bars?

We flew, spun, and danced around the poles. I flipped and swung myself upside down (look Ma, no hands)! I pranced and floated in mindless bliss. During class, I felt nothing but the breeze playing with my skin, my hair on my skin, the music moving me. Sanctuary.

I know I'm going to be incredibly sore tomorrow, but that won't stop me. I already feel like my right arm is going to fall off, but I'm going back for more!

There is pain, but it comes with immense satisfaction and pleasure. Ladies, I cannot recommend a better workout. It's fun and sexy. It's freeing and empowering! It will change your body and strengthen muscles you never knew you had. When I first began this journey, I never thought I would be able to climb 10+ feet in the air, flip myself upside down, slide down without hands...who woulda thunk???

Yes the bruises hurt, but no pain, no fucking gain.

You know how getting a tattoo hurts but feels good at the same time? 'nuff said.

Thank you S, I'll see you next week!

Uncle Tumor, Part II

2009-08-25T14:46:00.005-04:00

EEEWWWWWWW!!!!!! I just ran into Uncle Tumor in the neighborhood!!!

THANK GOD he didn't see me! I looked him right in the face, in preparation, and he didn't even blink!

Good thing most people don't notice a goddamn thing in this city when they're walking down the street!!! But just in case...do I need to look into moving out of this neighborhood?!

If you haven't already read about my dalliance with Uncle Tumor, check it out!

When Does a Carat Become a Rock?

2009-08-25T13:29:00.002-04:00

I was IM'ing with one of my favorite tech guys at our satellite office earlier today. He's a young twenty-something living way, way upstate, and has recently become engaged. He was so adorable and excited when he was planning the ring and the proposal, as he should have been! He proposed while they were vacationing in London (my favorite city other than NYC), and of course she said yes! The ring is a nice quality .76 carat, heart shaped, and she loved it. Which is all that matters, right?

Anyway, he was telling me about their trip home last weekend to see her parents and to show them the ring. He says to me, "It was kind of embarrassing." Now being the typical, slightly materialistic NYer, I'm thinking it's because he was afraid the diamond was too small, but then he says, "Because here I am, bringing her home wearing a ROCK."

...Huh?

He explained to me that she comes from a small town an hour or so outside of Boston, and all the women in her family sport about .25 carat rings.

HUH????

I have earrings bigger than that!

Once I managed to get over my shock, the whole conversation got me thinking: When does a carat become a rock???

I never gave much thought to carat size before. I guess I take it for granted, isn't that terrible? I do realize that yes, there is a correlation between age and size. Income and size, also yes. I don't want to sound like a hoity-toity, high-maintenance pain in the ass, but I thought the average in NYC is about 2 carats, 3 if he makes sick money. But I guess that's a generally metropolitan norm...?

So, why are our engagement rings so big here in the city, and why/when did that become the norm? They certainly weren't that big in our parent's generation. True, many upgrade at major anniversaries, but that's different - the kids are gone, college is more or less paid for, they can start spending on themselves again.

I've been conducting an informal poll since my IM conversation. Here in NY, amongst professionals, the average seems to be 2 to 2.5 carats, around 1 carat if they're younger or not very advanced in their career. Seattle is about 1.5 carats on average. LA...forget about them, it's Hollywood over there! While conducting my research, one girlfriend commented that the large diamond phenomenon is very specifically American and that she never saw such large diamond rings until she moved here from the UK. And then I realized...of all my friends who live in Europe, none of them even wear engagement rings, just wedding bands.

What is wrong with us??? Why is it so important? With today's divorce rates, I think we can safely say that diamond size has absolutely no relation to the amount of love two people share or whether the marriage will last or not. I mean, if I ever meet Mr. Right, and he proposes with some nicely-sized bling-bling, I'm obviously not going to say, "I do, but please replace this with something smaller". Also, I wouldn't feel less loved if it's not ginormous, but, am I big enough to be okay with less than a carat...?

What do you think about all this??? Is there such a thing as too big? What is our obsession with bling? And lastly, when does a carat become a rock?

Fortune Cookie 8.24.2009

2009-08-24T14:34:00.009-04:00

Fortune Cookie of the day:

"Your exotic ideas lead you to many exciting, new adventures!"

Great one, even without adding "in bed" to the end!

The Canadian

2009-08-23T19:06:00.021-04:00

I got a text from an old flame last night, which was a pleasant surprise. We've known each other for nearly 20 years now (holy shit, has it been THAT long???), and while we don't keep in touch regularly, I do hear from him once in a blue moon.

He's Canadian, so when we were kids, we only saw each other about two or three times a year, when he came to visit family. We had a silly, childish flirtation that began the day we met, but one of us was always in a relationship whenever the other was single. Ten years later, we were finally both single at the same time, and he was going to be in town for a few days. I had just moved into my very own place in the city, and was feeling very grown up and cosmopolitan. Hmm...whatever was a girl to do?

I'm a lady now that I'm in my thirties, so I'll spare you the gory details of that fatal night, but let's just say that after 10 years of build-up, the earth did not shake. AT ALL. Well, not for me anyway. If I had to rate it, it would probably be down there at the bottom of the list. I'm sorry, but someone has to take that bottom slot, right? I'm sure I've been at the bottom of someone's list at some point!

I guess I faked it well enough, because last year he was in town for a few days, and we met for dinner. Towards dessert, he brought up that night with great fondness and wistfulness. I couldn't believe he still thought about it after all these years, because I certainly don't. In fact, I'll pretty much do anything not to!

So last night, he text me to let me know he's coming to town again, and is wondering if he has a place to stay. Sure, I reply, my couch is very comfy (even if it had been good, I am a lady now). He thought I was being coy and asked if that was negotiable, as he was hoping for a "Chloe visit".

(Yes, those were his words exactly.)

Seriously? What am I, a ride at Disney World?????

Did he really think that would make me swoon and grant him entry into my bed, much less my pants???

What has happened to the art of courtship and wooing women? Where have men learned that this is acceptable?

Men, listen up: we want to be complimented, made to laugh, made to feel special and beautiful. We want to be courted...gracefully, respectfully and skillfully, not hit over the head with a club and dragged off to bed! Come on, put some effort, finesse and courtesy into it, for crying out loud!

I don't believe in playing games, but dating and seduction between two people IS a delicate dance. Push too hard or too fast, and your partner will trip and fall. But if you move to the rhythm, keep your partner on their toes, and sweep them off their feet once in a while...now THAT makes for a fun dance. It's that simple!

Oh, one last thing - have some integrity, too. The Canadian's FB page still says he's in a relationship. Granted, he might not be and just hasn't updated it yet, but still...!

Fortune Cookie 8.21.2009

2009-08-21T13:22:00.006-04:00

Fortune cookie of the day:

"Mistakes show us what we need to learn."

I love it - what a great way to change your perspective about fucking up!

Mastering the Top

2009-08-20T21:31:00.011-04:00

Bravo finally got it right in the end!

Aside from the amazing finished products the master chefs put out all season, I thought Top Chef Masters was a major snooze-fest. I just watched last night's finale on dv-r, and I am seriously regretting my dinner of homemade maryland crab soup and tater tots (it totally sucks when you forget to stop at the market after the gym and have to resort to the first thing you see in the freezer!).

I'm dying for just a taste of Hubert's lamb, beef, pork and potato stew...Michael Chiarello's duo of gnocchi, his polenta dish with rabbit and duck and his braised short ribs all looked so amazing, I would be happy if I could even get close enough for a whiff! And while I'm not a huge fan of Mexican food, I would love to experience Rick Bayless' dishes just to get a taste of his zeal for food and flavors. God, this show made me hungry!

And btw, I am soooooo in love with Michael Chiarello, in addition to his food. Time to get my ass to Napa!!!!

Hoover

2009-08-19T22:57:00.008-04:00

A coworker mentioned some time ago that she wanted to fix me up with a friend of hers. Actually, she started the conversation by saying, "Do you care if they're short?" as I was walking out of her office. Great intro, huh? She kind of likes to cut to the chase, which is why I like her.

Now, I have to admit, I'm feeling a little gun-shy about the whole fix-up thing considering what happened with Uncle Tumor, but I know her pretty well, and she's known him for over 5 years, been on vacations with him and all that. So, why not, right? If you go into it with no expectations, you just might be surprised. The height thing...I had to ask her just how short he is. At 5'3", I'm fairly petite myself, but he can't be too short, right? She estimated 5'8", which isn't too bad, so I'm going to keep an open mind about things, and we'll see.

We had been emailing pretty regularly for a little over a week, and the e-chemistry was great! His emails were witty and funny, he was intelligent...I was really looking forward to meeting him. I figured no matter what, it should be fun!

We met after work at a bar in the Meatpacking District, figuring we could take a walk on the High Line afterward. As I was leaving the office, my coworker warned me that he likes to talk...a lot. Well, not only did he like to talk, he must have been the most elaborately animated person I've ever met in my life! His gesticulations alone were so wild, and he talked so fast, I started to wonder if he was high. But I dismissed that, thinking, "Oh stop, he's just nervous." So I sat back, relaxed myself, and slowed down, hoping he would mirror my behavior, but that didn't work. At all. And then I realized, his eyes are kind of red-rimmed...but he's not really sniffing much or wiping his nose...hmmm....

We finished our drinks and went to the High Line. Not my first time up there, but it was for him. If any of you haven't been, definitely go. It's an amazing accomplishment that has been worth the wait! It's great for a date - you take a nice, romantic, leisurely stroll, and take in the great views. That is, unless one of you is seemingly high as a kite. We practically power-walked that thing. I'm not even joking. We got up there, and the next thing I know, we were at the end in 8 minutes flat. I was shocked, and looking back, I'm not even sure he noticed we were up there!

Next, we had planned to continue our (power) walk to the Frying Pan. But since it was actually decent out, it was packed to the gills. So we kept on (power) walking and talking, and headed to Trestle on Tenth for dinner. Once we got there, he disappeared in the bathroom for a good 20 minutes. I started to wonder if he was hoover-ing that shit up his nose, he was gone so long. Thank god for my iPhone and the fact that I like to take pictures on it (see pic above from their window seat).

We sat down to eat...the food there is absolutely delicious. We ordered the beet salad with blue crab and currants, and steak tartar for apps, then calves' liver with perfectly caramelized onions and halibut with a warm beet salad for dinner. Everything was prepared to perfection and was soooo yummy!!! I love food!!!!!!

Okay, I know I sound more excited about the food than the date right now, but I did have a decent time. I just didn't feel any sparks...and I definitely couldn't see myself shoving my tongue down his throat. But conversation was interesting and fun, in spite of his speedy persona. Conversation flowed pretty well, and meandered from family, to work, to school, to crazy childhood antics, to our lives in NYC. We eventually somehow got to the topic of clubbing in the 90's and drugs...at which point he says to me, "Yeah, I still do coke...but I really need to try to cut it out of my life."

Wait, NEED to TRY???!!! You mean my instincts were right????!!!! Dude, if you have to put it that way, you're not just an occasional user, you flat out do it way too much! Then he started to talk about how when he does it, the night never ends well, he regrets it the next day, and oh yeah, he can't perform when he uses.

Too. Much. Fucking. Info.

Needless to say, when my co-worker asked for details the next day, I simply said nice guy, good time, but no cha-cha. And yes, he was too short.

Mr. Postman

2009-08-17T19:09:00.004-04:00

It's funny how a compliment from a random stranger can be a fairly positive experience or it can totally gross you out.

I was walking down the street earlier today, and passed a postman. I could tell he had noticed me because he definitely was not shy about it. As I walked by, he exclaimed, "Good morning Miss Beautiful! God bless America!!!"

Thank you very much, Mr. Postman...I'm not sure what my looks has to do with your patriotism, but I guess I'm glad I could help you raise your flag!

Fortune Cookie 8.16.2009

2009-08-16T22:44:00.010-04:00

Fortune cookie of the night:

"You will receive some high prize or award."

That was lame. Whatever happened to the ones that started, "Confucius says...blah, blah, blah." ???

Meh, fuck it. At least this one is funny when you add, "in bed" to the end!

Just Dance

2009-08-15T19:10:00.011-04:00

All it takes is a night of dancing with reckless abandon to make the world right. Shut the world out, forget your cares, feel the beat moving through your body. Don't give a shit who's watching, what they think, whether you look good. Just... feel it.

A bunch of us went dancing last night, and I'm still buzzing with the energy of the night! I don't think about needs or wants when I'm dancing, nothing else exists, not even thought.

There's no other way for me to explain how important movement is to me and my being, and I hope/wish it does this for others too. I truly believe all women are born with it, perhaps it just needs to be refined and cultivated in some. The ecstasy that comes with it, that natural high... what more could you ask for to heal, to make things right... Just Dance.

Yesterday, I decided it's high time to go back to S Factor. I miss the feel of the pole in my hand - dancing, spinning, flying around it, and letting go of absolutely everything in the sanctuary of the dance studio. The curve of a woman's body makes the movement so natural. Can't wait to JUST DANCE. It's my version of church, people. It's that deep.

My first class back is a week from tomorrow, and it can't come soon enough. Stay tuned!!!

Get a room

2009-08-13T18:33:00.006-04:00

As I walked to work this morning, I cut through the parking garage across the street, like I do every day, minding my own business. Then, off to the side, I noticed a couple having a serious conversation.

The look on her face made me take a mental pause...What are they talking about? It doesn't look like a fight, she's just listening and looks upset...Is he breaking up with her? If he is breaking up with her, couldn't he find a more appropriate, private spot to do it? Not in the middle of a public parking lot, for chrissakes!

I've been seeing people on the street here and there lately, one person crying but trying to keep it together, the other walking silently - sometimes supportive, or otherwise indifferent. I'm all for letting people be, but at what point should the other person say, hey, let's go somewhere private, or at least quieter, and you can feel what you need to feel, do what you need to do... say what you need to say?

Or maybe I should just mind my own damn business.

Naturally

2009-08-13T12:24:00.012-04:00

I love, love, LOVE this NY Mag post!

Hurray to these brave, albeit naturally gorgeous women for being brave enough to be photographed sans makeup and minimal airbrushing!

Kudos to Harper's Bazaar and Peter Lindbergh for the story and putting it out there! We should all feel this beautiful and confident au naturale...!

Fortune Cookie 8.12.2009

2009-08-12T23:25:00.006-04:00

Got this fortune cookie tonight:

"You will have good luck and overcome many hardships"

Um...thanks, but wtf's going to happen???!!!

Uncle Tumor

2009-08-12T16:50:00.013-04:00

One day a few weeks ago, a friend, M, said he knows someone he thinks would like me, would I be interested in being fixed up? I've never been set up before, so why not? A pre-screened date can't be that bad, right? He's about my age, has been living in the States about 6 years now, self employed, sounds pretty good so far.

He saw my pic, I saw his...Not quite my type, but pictures can be tricky. We all went out for dim sum, and M invited his friend, Tomer. He was better looking than his pictures, but still not quite my type. Regardless, he was nice, decent sense of humor, seemed intelligent...We exchanged numbers. Oh, and did I mention he lives 3 blocks away from me? I thought it might be a little too close for comfort, but also might be good for, well you know...

Long story short, Tomer had a tendency to say "Let's do something Friday night, I'll call you", disappear, then text me 15 minutes before he wanted to meet up. Seriously? I'm sorry, but while my dance card isn't completely full, if I haven't heard from you by that morning or afternoon, I'm making other plans. It's inconsiderate to expect me to wait around for you to confirm. He also liked to call himself "Uncle Tomer", which really, really skeeved me out. Can't you just hear "Hey little girl, do you want some candy? Come here and sit on your Uncle Tomer's lap" in the background???? YUCK

After about 2 weeks of attempted last minute meet-ups, I just wanted to have coffee with him as a courtesy to M and be done with it. We finally agree to meet on Sunday.

Maybe I was hormonal, but "Uncle Tomer" texted me at 3am Sunday morning: "Hi Chloe, you're probably sleeping, I hope you had a good evening. Call me when you wake up and we can meet for coffee or brunch" Are you kidding me?! I realize if I hadn't been totally grossed out by the whole "Uncle Tomer" thing, it could have been sweet, but I don't like being woken up for nonsensical shit from people I don't know.

I text him the next morning to let him know I got his text, yes, I had been sleeping, and to kindly say that I think he's nice, but I think our schedules and lifestyles are not a good match. Sorry and good luck. The following text exchange ensued:

Tomer: R u mad?

Chloe: No, I just really don't think we're a good match.

T: But you didn't give me a chance.

T: Besides, we live so close, we can make this work.

(Really? That's your rationale for going out with me? Sweet.)

C: I'm sorry you feel that way, but I really don't think we're a good fit. Besides, proximity has nothing to do with whether things would work out. Take care.

T: But remember I text you and you couldn't go out because you made other plans...blah blah blah....

C: (IGNORE)

T: Besides, at the end of the day, it's the man who pays for dinner, so you should give him a chance otherwise you'll stay single forever!

O-kay, Uncle Tumor! Thanks for confirming why I shouldn't go out with you, NEXT!

Comedy Sketch

2009-08-11T22:21:00.009-04:00

It's funny when a comedy sketch you've seen actually happens to you. I know I've seen this sketch, so I'll bet this has happened to other women around the world...To those of us who have achieved a certain modicum of success, who are independent, self-sufficient, and who enjoy a little pampering occasionally. Tonight, I treated myself to a mani and pedi at my usual spot. I haven't been there in a month or so, and my usual lady was busy with another woman. No big deal, the owner said she'd take me. I think she needed a break from fighting with her husband, who always sits in the corner, reading the Korean newspaper.

I sat at the pedicure station, relaxing...She starts asking me the typical questions that get asked when you're getting your nails done: "Were you born here?", "Where do you live?", "What do you do?", blah, blah, blah. She eventually asked my age, and was genuinely shocked and speechless when I told her I'm in my mid-thirties. I know I don't look my age, but the speechless part was a nice touch, so I make a mental note to up her tip a bit. However, once she got over her shock and picked her jaw up off the floor, her very next question was, "Why you no married???"

Mental note to self: tip just went waaaayyyyy down, lady.

Fortune Cookies and Men

Beware of The Repeaters!!!

The Therapy Session

A New Milestone - Tick Tock

Pardon Me, Have We Gone Out?

For Love or Money

The Battle Between the Sexes Continues

Time to Say That I Am...Me

The Girl is Back in Town

The Big Creepowski

Please Pardon My (Dis)Appearance

Ain't Nothin' But a Number

Little Bo-Peep

Time To Fess Up

You Are What You...

The Balance of The Sexes

Never Say This On a Date With an Asian Girl - EVER!!!

Fortune Cookie 1.19.2010

Family Love

Do Not Try This At Work

Dear Santa...

Happy New Year!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Mortified With a Capital 'M'

It's an Early Christmas for Chloe!

'Tis The Season

This Is The Life

Kid-Friendly

Holy Shit, There Are Awards For This?!

***UPDATE*** Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

A Fresh Start

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

A Mother's Love, Part Deux

A Mother's Love

Modern Dating

Jump In With Both Feet, But Swim Slowly

Getting to Know You

Snoozefest

Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Not a Snowball's Chance

What Am I?

Good Advice

The Divorcee

Is This For Real???

Adventures In Online Dating

Just a Little Patience...

The Other Side

I'm Gonna Wash That Gray...

The Great Baby Race

I Found It!!!

What Are We Writing For?

Is Honesty the Best Policy?

Do I Have a White-Boy Fetish?

The White Knight

Fortune Cookie 9.21.2009

Potential Jesus Freak, Part II

Potential Jesus Freak, Part I

Football Trumps Date

The Big Gamble

Friendship vs. Me-Me-Me-ship?

The Healing Properties of Shopping

Fortune Cookie 9.2.2009

The Big WHOA

The Gynecologist's Advice

Fortune Cookie 8.30.2009

When Dreams Come True

13 Reasons She Doesn't Want A Second Date | The Frisky

The S Factor Bruise

Uncle Tumor, Part II

When Does a Carat Become a Rock?

Fortune Cookie 8.24.2009

The Canadian

Fortune Cookie 8.21.2009

Mastering the Top

Hoover

Mr. Postman

Fortune Cookie 8.16.2009

Just Dance

UPDATE Ghosts of Boyfriends Past